"Unks took one too many hits to the cranium!"

Four months ago, one of MMA’s greatest, the Hawaiian who took the spotlight off the UFC heavyweights and turned it onto the little guys, announced his candidacy for governor of Hawaii.

Hawaiian-born Jay Dee Penn, who is forty-two and of Irish-American and Korean-Hawaiian descent, posted a clip from the movie Sparta with a call for Hawaiians to wrench control away from bureaucrats insisting on vaccine passports, masks and so on.

“Hawaii will be vaccinated with Aloha,” wrote Baby Jay.

Now, BJ has accidentally sparked a wild race debate on Instagram after posting what he figured was a message of unity to his 345,000 fans.

“Whether you are Hawaiian by blood or Hawaiian by heart. If you live in Hawaii you are Hawaiian.”

 

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A post shared by BJ Penn (@bjpenn)

A little clumsy, yeah, for it gifts Mark Zuckerberg, Julia Roberts, Woody Harrelson, Owen Wilson and so on the same Hawaiian status as a direct descendant of Queen Liliʻuokalani, the archipelago’s last regent whose rule was ended at the point of a bayonet by US Marines in 1893.

Even someone like John John Florence, I’d guess, would avoid calling himself Hawaiian and would phrase an answer to the question of his origins with, “I’m from Hawaii.”

Fans of BJ went to town on the Champ.

“Nah bro not how it works.”

Um no. Not even. YIKES

Now everybody going tink dey hawaiian smh

Haole vote secured.

Native Hawaiians, or simply Hawaiians (Hawaiian: kānaka ʻōiwi, kānaka maoli, and Hawaiʻi maoli), are the Indigenous Polynesian people of the Hawaiian Islands. The traditional name of the Hawaiian people is Kānaka Maoli.

No, absolutely not. If someone is living in Hawai’i and is not Hawaiian, it does NOT make them Hawaiian.

You still have time to delete this

Im haole and I live on Oahu. I love the place and the people but I know I’m not Hawaiian. People can have their own culture and still be respectful to each other.

No no no absolutely not! I was born n raised here n have no Hawaiian blood so that makes me “local” not Hawaiian. My husband n babies r of hawaiian blood but I know where I stand when it comes to this topic! So if I lived in the Marshall Islands would I be a Micronesian?? This is ridiculous!

unks took one too many hits to the cranium bc ABSOLUTELY NOT

Have you been living under a rock? Kānaka have been consistently battling the ignorance of foreigners and locals alike, much more amidst the pandemic, for this exact ignorant ideology & you want to validate folks who’ve sought to invalidate the voices & authors of Hawai’i… you’re so out of touch for this. I don’t know who you’re panhandling to or grifting for, but this is not it. Let it be said & clear, living in Hawai’i ≠ Hawaiian

And so on.

“I don’t like the chances of him competing in Victoria, and I’d hate to think of what the chances were of him competing in Western Australia.”

Kelly Slater’s dream of snatching an unlikely world title in his fiftieth year have been all but smashed following a bombshell announcement by Australia’s Federal Sports Minister Richard Colbeck who said Slater has “no chance of getting into the country” unless he’s been injected with an approved COVID-19 vaccine. 

“I reckon he knows the rules. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a surfer, or a tennis player, a tourist or anyone else, those are the rules. They apply to everyone,” Colbeck said. “I don’t like the chances of him competing in Victoria, and I’d hate to think of what the chances were of him competing in Western Australia.”

The fourth and fifth events on this year’s ten-event tour are Bells and Margarets, April 10 through May 4.

Australia’s vax policies have come into sharp relief the past couple of weeks following the deportation of world number one tennis player Novak Djokovic.

Novak, who ain’t into COVID vaccines, secured a vax exemption to compete at the Australian Open in Melbourne, which, amid a rising furore from Australians, was quickly cancelled by the country’s PM.

When The New York Times posted the story on Instagram, Slater teed off with the claim Melbourne’s citizens had been brainwashed by its state masters, developing a bond with their captors during six lockdowns totalling 262 days after COVID kicked off worldwide in March 2020.

“Maybe Stockholm Syndrome can now change its name to Melbourne/Australia Syndrome,” wrote Slater. “It’s sad to see the celebrated division by the “virtuous” vaccinated. If you’re vaccinated why are you concerned/worried about anyone else’s status… unless, of course, it doesn’t protect you? Or you’re scared you’ll catch it or upset you had to take the risk of vaccination yourself? So much brainwashed hatred in people’s hearts regardless of vax status.”

Last October, Slater was slammed by the Australian press after launching multiple fronts in the online vaccine war, saying friends have “literally” been killed by vaccines and that he knows more about being healthy than “99 percent of doctors.”

Friendship of tech giant and Hawaiian goes next level…

In a revealing just-published interview on Wired, Kai Lenny, the daring multi-discipline surfer with sea-spray eyes shaped like pecans, skin the colour of buttered cocoa and lips as red as if he’d just applied a fresh coat of pomegranate lipstick, has described tow-buddy Mark Zuckerberg as “super cool, super into water sport, really active. Super fit. Like … strong, strong strong. Physically strong.”

Lenny, who is twenty-nine and discreet as anything given his adventures with Facebook founder Zuck as well as Google creators Sergey Brin and Larry Page, says Zuckerberg is “an athlete, for sure. Probably the most athletic of the tech people I’ve ever met.”

Re: Sergey and Laz, Lenny says, “Yeah, I’ve met them and they’re super cool. I’ve kited with them, actually. Sergey came out to Mavericks”—the California big-wave surf spot—“on our boat and watched. He’s super cool. They’re all pretty active people. I mean, why wouldn’t you be when you own the world?”

Earlier this year, Zuck described Lenny as “magical” during a Live Chat with Instagram CEO Adam Mosseri and said it was Lenny who got him into foiling.

In the video presentation for his recent metaverse announcement, Zuck leveraged Lenny’s considerable cool.

At one point, a digital avatar of the Hawaiian appears and says, “Hey Mark, down for a VR foiling sesh?”

Suddenly, Zuckerberg’s avatar is sitting on a foil board in aquamarine surf. Floating to his left, on yet another foil board, Lenny’s avatar watches affectionately as Zuckerberg toggles through a set of virtual outfits that evoke previous outings with Lenny in the real world—including a white-face one called SPF 5000. Both avatars then lie prone on their foil boards, side by side, and paddle with their arms to catch a flawless digital wave. Hopping to stand, Zuckerberg wobbles awkwardly—as if to show the entire world, See, I’m human, too! Just like you! Lenny’s avatar zips past Zuckerberg and, like a friendly mentor, says, “Whoa! Hang in there, Mark!” He then coaches the Meta CEO through a series of foil boarding tricks—“All right, back flip!”—then leads him through the hollow tube of a curling wave and across the virtual finish line, winning handily.

“Kai, you’re out of control,” Zuckerberg says.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you win next time, all good,” Lenny says.

Dreamy.