Your new favorite.

The hottest rumor of this early North Shore season has taken a quick though satisfying turn. San Clemente’s Kolohe Andino, currently dwelling amongst the seven mile miracle ahead of the Billabong Pro Pipeline Masters and Hurley Pro Sunset Beach was, moments ago, rumored to be disqualified after a robust fight.

As it turns out, and straight from Andino’s mouth, there has been no disqualification and, instead, a hero has been born.

The true story?

“I got burned then yelled at because I hooted then I defended myself with words. He slapped me. I did not move. Then he punched me. I went in. He continued surfing.”

A manual in “How to Deal with Conflict and Various other Issues on Oahu’s North Shore by Those who Dwell on the Mainland.”

Andino now a favorite both in your heart and for the 2022 World Title.

Your champion.

Bet on him here.

Who saw this coming?

I know, dear BeachGrit reader, that you are sometimes disappointed by your daily visit to the biggest little surf website on the planet. Oh, stories of redemption via personal fitness and health coaches are as important as they are beautifully written but every so often certain itches need to be scratched, blood feuds, sizzling hot rumors and boy do I have one for you.

The coconut wireless has, minutes ago, fired off a cooker. A very well-placed source just now revealed that Kolohe Andino, America’s great white hope, has been disqualified from the Billabong Pro Pipeline Masters, and possibly Hurley Pro Sunset Beach, by the World Surf League’s Rules and Disciplinary Committee for allegedly “burning a local surfer then instigating a fight then becoming knocked out.”

Feel free to ponder the salient bits one at a time.

Burning a local surfer.

Instigating a fight.

Knocked out.

Disqualified by the World Surf League after review by the “Rules and Disciplinary Committee.”

Andino, who recently signed a deal with iconic Santa Cruz wetsuit brand O’Neill has been contacted though no word back at time of writing.

But what does that make you think? Feel? If true, are you wildly impressed by the moxie? The pure passionate rage that becoming a father can instill in a man’s heart?

Or generally confused.

With details still spare, I’m inclined to the former.

Does Brother Whoop?

More as the story develops.

Gauntlet thrown.

Another day, another dollar, or so the saying goes but some capture that dollar a little easier, catch stacks upon stacks upon stacks of them, in fact. Take the case of big wave icon, tow pioneer Laird Hamilton. The Malibu-ite, by way of Maui of course, pulled in many dollars over the years what with being the face of Davidoff Blue Water and starting a plant-based coffee creamer company.

Laird’s Superfood is, without doubt, a success story earning millions upon millions on the stock market, bringing health and happiness to homes… except, allegedly, to homes of starving artists.

Brandon Ball, founder of Starch Creative, took to Instagram yesterday, posting pictures of a Superfood snowy pop-up plus plans for that exact same snowy pop-up and declaring:

I’ve never said anything. I consistently swallow pride, take the high road, and move on to fight another day. But today I’m done. I’m tired of seeing the look on my teams face when their work is stolen and used without payment.

Consistently we are asked to do what is called an unpaid “RFP” (request for proposal). This typically includes design concepts, with a contractual obligation and guarantee that if the client chooses your work, you will be paid for it. The reason companies do this is so they can solicit free design by leveraging small design companies against each other.

Here is another example of that happening. @lairdsuperfood approached Starch in February of 2021 and asked us to provide design ideas under an unpaid RFP. Being Covid, we had to say yes. We were fighting for our lives. Fast forward to them telling us they have decided to go a different direction and wouldn’t be moving forward with our concepts….

Now here you see the launch of our concept on their Instagram. They took our teams creative work and used it anyway. They never paid us a dime.

It’s unfortunate but this happens constantly. Creative teams are quiet and never speak up because they don’t want to impact future opportunities. It’s no different than stealing art or music. Creative isn’t free.

Your move @lairdsuperfood . Do the right thing. I’ll give every dollar you owe us to the employees that poured countless hours into all of the concepts we created for you. #laird #lairdsuperfood

Many comments all supportive of the li’l guy, not Team Laird.

Do you think he will do the right thing?

More as the story develops.

Surfival of the fittest.

We are on the cusp of a brand new World Surf League season and can you feel the frisson? That wonderful tension? Oh the wet rag that is Lower Trestles is now in the rearview and only excitement remains. Only sweet and delicious anticipation but do you bet the surfers?

It is, truly, the only way to properly enjoy and the very best way to bet them is via the Surfival League.

But what is?

In case you’ve been living under a bluebottle…

Fantasy Surfer is boring. Round 1 is boring.

We fixed that.

This is Surfival League. Here’s the rules.

Each event, pick only one (1) surfer to advance past the Round of 32.

If your surfer loses in the first two elimination rounds (gets 33rd or 17th place), you are eliminated for the year. If your surfer advances, you advance.

You can not pick the same surfer twice.

The competition will continue until the last man is standing and they will win $3000 and three custom shaped Panda Surfboards.

A mere $20 is the buy in but, last year, I brought shame to myself and my family. This year, I will rectify. I will stand proud. I will win and all starting with betting on one Michael Jordan Smith. “Cryin Jordy” has been BeachGrit’s mascot since the get (photo captured by the imitable Jack English whose clothing can be purchased here).

Is there any way the South African veteran does not make it out of the Round of 32 at Pipeline? Any chance he stumbles out of the gate? Shame hovers around himself, his family, too.

Put money where your fingers are here.

Ouch.

Of all the menacing creatures hiding in, or near, the surf zone, I will mark those belonging to the jellyfish family as lame number one. Sharks may bite and other surfers may scalp but the ill-intentioned jellyfish stings with uncommon relish and hurt very extremely badly.

But who, here, has not been molested by a jelly? Out minding business, enjoying sun on face, warm water all around and… ouch! The sting growing in intensity until a good friend provides hot relief.

Ugh.

And, unfortunately for our Australian brothers and sisters, bluebottles are washing up in record, or “gobsmacking” numbers. Heaps of them according to jellyfish expert Dr Lisa-ann Gershwin who declared, “They’re having a really fun time this year and they’re definitely terrorising us this year. They’re really strange alien creatures. There’s no two ways about it. It doesn’t have any equal to people, or animals, or corals, or things we understand intuitively. It’s just their own brand of weirdness in such a cool way.”

Her sunny outlook is not replicated by surfers or little children.

Bluebottles travel in “armadas” which happen to be left or right handed and hermaphrodites. A wild sex party at sea. The worst bit, though, is the sting which is actually an excreted microscopic mucous.

Yuck.

Dr. Gershwin changed her tune when it came to close contact, describing the sting as “excruciating” and sharing stories of people who have poked a beached bluebottle with a stick, a dog playing with that stick and getting blasted in the mouth. Or young children who have stomped on one and shot the mucous into a child friend’s eyes temporarily blinding and hurting.

Worse, though, encouraging unfortunate TikTok moments (pictured above).

Not chill at all.

Our brave Australian brothers and sisters have succeeded in keeping Serbian tennis players out of the country but this intersexed invasion may simply be too much to bear.

Much pain on the horizon.

More as the story develops.