Planet preservation meets personal expression.

Who would have ever imagined that this BeachGrit, your BeachGrit, would become an environmental watchdog and help unstuff already stuffed landfills in these still early days of 2022?

Not me, to be honest, and I am a principal at the biggest little surf website in the world but let us examine the astounding turn of events.

Ahead of Christmas, Kelly Slater’s sustainable brand Outerknown mass mailed toxic catalogues to thousands, if not millions, of homes. At the time, I wrote:

I was reminded of festive cheer when I visited my mailbox yesterday morning and discovered a full color bleed mailer for Kelly Slater’s sustainable outerwear brand Outerknown stuffed inside. It was addressed to someone else and I felt small guilt in breaking its seal but what was I to do? An adorable picture of a Saint Bernard wearing a scarf overlooking the words “Your OuterKnown sustainable gift guide. Gift thoughtfully. Gift better” was simply more than I could take.

The heavy card stock opened to a four paneled masterpiece of joy. There were salmon trunks and “swittens,” moleskin shirts and “reimagine cashmere” beanies, blanket shirt dresses and Breitling x Outerknown watches.

I bathed in its seasonal charm, almost able to smell chestnuts roasting by the fire with care, then, seeing as there was no way to order any of it from the mailer itself, went to my trash can and pitched it inside.

Well guess who just got another uninvited Outerknown catalogue?

This time, though, it is properly flimsy as if printed on used newspaper. I marveled at the handsome Buzzy Kerbox, who appears to be an ambassador, and other products until flipping to the back and reading “MIX Paper from responsible sources” stamped in the corner.

A website was also included www.fsc.org

I couldn’t be bothered to click but I imagine it is a sustainable paper thing. In any case, without BeachGrit advertising the overt hypocrisy would Outerknown have shifted its behavior?

Much easier, and therefore more effective and profitable, to full color bleed, heavy card stock print in China.

Are we accidentally saving the world?

More as the story develops.

"The surf watching public trusts the World Surf League to signify which beer is most 'surfy' and therefore which it should drink."

Hours ago, it was announced that the Santa Monica-based World Surf League has added yet another beer as “official beer partner” ahead of the upcoming Australian leg of the tour. Regional general manager Andrew Stark gushed about the freshly inked relationship with Coopers, “WSL is proud to be announcing this new partnership with one of Australia’s most iconic beer brands. An independent, family owned Australian company, Coopers has an authentic passion for where they’ve been and where they’re going, which aligns fantastically with the ethos of the World Surf League. We thank Coopers for their commitment to a three-year partnership with WSL and look forward to working with them.”

While the news may excite in some corners, ethicists and corporate watchdogs are extremely troubled as the League now has multiple “official beer partners.”

Coopers, and its Pacific Pale Ale, will be joining Michelob Ultra Pure Gold and 805.

“The surf watching public trusts the World Surf League to signify which beer is most ‘surfy’ and therefore which it should drink,” Ralph Nader would have told BeachGrit had he been asked. “Fans hosting luaus or beach weddings will suffer horrible confusion when standing in grocery store aisles and may lose faith in institutionalized professional surfing altogether.”

Coopers’ National Marketing Manager Kate Dowd, seemingly happy to participate in plural brand marriage, responded, “We’re excited to be supporting the World Surf League over the next three years, an organisation for which we share similar values. As a proud Australian independent brewery, we have a strong appreciation for the Aussie coast and coastal lifestyle. Pacific Pale Ale’s refreshing, tropical flavour has resonated with the surfing community and we look forward to building this connection through the World Surf League.”

The situation likely to devolve.

More as the story develops.

"The ocean is a powerful beast."

Surfing is often thought of as selfish and utterly pointless but once every so often a little shred knowledge is the difference between life and death. Take, for example, yesterday’s tale of decorated footballer Patrick Dangerfield saving a whole family from Davey Jones’ Locker and you may be racking your brain right now trying to think for which NFL team Dangerfield plays but it is not that football, rather the evolved version known as Australian Rules.

Now, whilst I barrack for the Collingwood Magpies, Dangerfield stars for the Geelong Cats down near Torquay and was on the beach with his children when he became aware of a group of people being swept out to sea.

“A family got caught in a rip and there was pretty big swell yesterday so I just paddled out and helped them get back in,” the 31-year-old calmly told Australia’s 9News.

Bystanders say that Dangerfield saw the commotion and without hesitation grabbed his surfboard and effortlessly duck-dove (dived?) though the Sunset-esque waves and kept them all afloat for over fifteen minutes until helped arrived via sled.

Julie Sebkova, one of the saved, said that Dangerfield told her to “hold on to my foot and we will get through this.”

Like John Wayne.

“Luckily the family’s all okay and that’s the important thing,” Dangerfield benevolently added. “It’s important to be careful but at the same time, these things happen and the ocean is a powerful beast and it was just an unfortunate set of circumstances but the main thing is they are all okay and don’t have a fear of the ocean after that.”

Congratulations!

Surfing great Jonah Hill, previously famous for funny movies, has absolutely shredded surfers, the media, general public for spreading misinformation about his love life in a searing Instagram post.

The heir to Miki Dora’s Malibu throne has clapped back at those suggesting he may be engaged to love interest and surf instructor Sarah Brady writing “The rumors are not true. I am engaged. But not to my girlfriend. I am engaged to your mom. I know this is shocking but please respect our privacy at this time.”

He geotagged the post with “your mom’s house.”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jonah Hill (@jonahhill)

Geotagging.

Do you participate?

But more to the point, what do you feel about Hill now being engaged to your mother?

Mike Delaney, Jonah Hill doppelgänger Matt Biolos’s glasser, seemed thrilled, responding, “My mom is a lesbian so it makes perfect sense. Congrats you two” adding a shaka for emphasis.

Other surfers were confused though possibly elated at entering Malibu’s heavy pecking order, as son-in-law, near the top.

Though how do you feel?

If Jonah Hill ended up marrying your mother would you be ring bearer at the great event or sulking at home?

I’d have to think you’d be ring bearer.

Congratulations.