1600 lbs Great White Shark with ideal frat boy name moves into Florida’s warm waters ahead of Spring Break terrifying authorities: “With enough co-eds and alcohol in the mix, Scot could have a smorgasbord!”

Scary times.

It is spring break season in Florida, that time of year when college students and those who prey on college students stuff into cheap hotel rooms from Jacksonville to South Palm Beach, Tampa to Panama City consume much alcohol, attend soirees in less-than-sanitary clubs, day drink, listen to Morgan Wallen and otherwise misbehave.

In normal years it is difficult for the state’s various authorities to control the madness. This year, though, they worry spring break could become a literal, not figurative, bloodbath.

According to the non-profit marine group OCEARCH, an extremely chubby, perpetually hungry Canadian named Scot has moved just off shore in the gulf and is malingering far longer than typical or appropriate.

The 1600 lbs great white shark is a juvenile male, making things that much worse. Per CNN, “The tracker’s records show Scot is a dedicated traveler. He was first tagged in September of 2021 in Nova Scotia – where he was named in honor of the “welcoming and ocean first dedicated people” there by OCEARCH’s partners at Sea World. Scot then traveled a total of 3,910 miles down the East Coast in just 119 days. He has been relaxing around the Florida Keys and Gulf Coast since at least Valentine’s Day.”

While Scot’s razor sharp teeth and undiscerning appetite are causing much hand-wringing, it is actually his name that is most worrying to the aforementioned authorities.

“Any sorority girl away from home and looking for a good time could get lured in, thinking they were simply going on a date with a likeminded fraternity brother,” is the common refrain.

Scary times.