World’s fourth richest man Bill Gates infuriates laid back neighbors by moving to sleepy Southern California surf town town and erecting palatial beachfront bachelor pad!

Where the surf meets the turf war.

News has broken, this past week, concerning the world’s 4th richest man Bill Gates and his life as a freshly single man. Gates, who co-founded Microsoft as is worth some $134 billion and his wife Melinda Gates-Foundation became divorced months ago after it was revealed that the computer entrepreneur had hung about disgraced financier Jeffery Epstein last decade.

Gates-Foundation is moving forward by diving deeper into her philanthropy. Gates, it appear, is planning on getting funky.

The longtime Seattle resident has recently purchased a beachfront mansion in surf-rich* Del Mar, torn it down and is erecting a palatial bachelor pad much to the chagrin of his laid back** neighbors.

Per the New York Post:

The initial six-bedroom, 3.5-bathroom estate, which spanned 5,800 square feet, has been completely demolished and locals claim it’s being rebuilt from the ground up at the direction of the Microsoft tycoon himself.

Gates has allegedly stopped by twice in the last few months with his two bulletproof suburban security details to check on the project, according to neighbors who are not happy about all the disruptions going on.

“It’s been a nuisance,” one neighbor said.

“They make a lot of noise, my baby can’t sleep,” another neighbor explained. “It’s become a real hindrance on the whole neighborhood.”

Gates himself, it is reported, flies into neighboring Carlsbad regularly to inspect progress and possibly scouting local “talent,” if you get my drift, but there are no sightings, as of yet, of him participating in the SUP or foil life.

Will he follow the world’s 4th richest man, Mark Zuckerberg, down that primrose path or do like onetime neighbors Mitt and Ann Romney and get turned on to the ponies just inland?

Del Mar’s slogan, after all, is “where the surf meets the turf.”

More as the story develops.

*Del Mar is not surf-rich.

**His neighbors are not laid back.

“Am I a surfer? I’M A SAILOR, BITCH! You can’t sail. I bet you don’t even know how the wind works!”

Surfer-comedian Sterling Spencer parodies viral “Sailor Karen” video in wild cross-dressing short, “Have you ever been to Off the Wall, Backdoor, Velzyland, Freddyland or Pipeline? Do you even go left?”

“Am I a surfer? I’M A SAILOR, BITCH! You can’t sail. I bet you don’t even know how the wind works!”

The Pensacola surfer and comic Sterling Spencer, who disappeared from the spotlight two years ago after he“completely lost” his mind following a blow to his head by a surfboard fin, has returned to his satirical best.

Yesterday, various socials were enlivened by what filmmaker Logan Dulien dubbed “Sailor Karen”, a glamorous middle-aged woman who lights up in the San Onofre carpark with the now immortal quote,

“Am I a surfer? I’M A SAILOR, BITCH! You can’t sail. I bet you don’t even know how the wind works!”


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Spencer, who is thirty-six and the son of Gulf Coast legend Yancy Spencer III, hit worldwide fame in 2010 when he posted a dubbed video of a kid trying to get Jeremy Flores’ autograph at J-Bay, with Flores strangling Spencer at the Surfer Poll awards the same year in revenge.

Using wigs to approximate the look of what used to be called “women”, Spencer and pal parody the San O exchange, this time with a Hawaiian flavour.

Have I ever been to this beach before? Have you ever been to Off the Wall, Backdoor, Velzyland, Freddyland or Pipeline? Do you even go left?”



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Sailor Kaz gives hell!

Furious Karen absolutely skewers beach parking lot gaggle who dare ask if she is a surfer: “Am I a surfer? I’M A SAILOR, B*TCH!”

"I bet you don't even know how the wind works."

Very many of my favorite things happened to collide in a Southern California parking lot, presumably San Onofre, recently and all captured to film. The scene is picked up in its middle when a woman with jet black hair held back by sunglasses and a black vest, pant combination approaches what sound to be a gaggle of surfers, pointing and saying, “You need to get out of here, I already told you once. Get the fuck out. Get in your car, drive the fuck away and never come back here again. Not once.”

It is unclear what was done, which bit of bad behavior to deserve the tongue whipping, creating much tension.

One of the offenders, in any case, asks, “Have you ever been to this beach before?” and Karen gets set right off.

“Have I ever been to this beach before?” face twisting gorgeously, rage-filled sarcasm dripping from every not-so-subtle movement “Have you ever been to Church’s* or Lowers or Middles?” then something about going left, telling them all they could never do it.

“Are you a surfer?” is the next question proffered, shooting the exchange to the moon.

“Am I a surfer?” voice breaking “I’M A SAILOR, BITCH! You can’t sail. I bet you don’t even know how the wind works!”

And end.

But is this not the best piece of surf-adjacent cinema that has been released in a decade? Maybe two? Hollywood’s finest actors, save Jonah Hill, would not be able to reprise with any more glory.

Though, for which side will you fight in the coming surfer vs. sailor wars?

A difficult choice.

*Yes, yes, we all know it is “Church” not “Church’s.”

Hot new television show “Barons” set to dramatically explore lightly fictionalized version of 1970s rivalry between surf-wear giants Billabong and Quiksilver!

Boardroom to beach.

Oh but the World Surf League has done it again, and by “done it again” I mean lost out on a thrilling new television program exploring the world of surf. But have you heard of “Barons?” A surf and business drama that will premier this very week over Australian, I think, air?

According to Variety, “Barons is an upscale, but easily approachable, eight-part series that examines what happens when money gets muddled with friendship. The 1970s-set beaches-to-boardroom rivalry story is fictional, but parallels the establishment of the real-world Billabong and Quiksilver surf-wear labels.”

The industry publication sat down across show creator Mick Lawrence and asked how he became inspired to which he answered, “I picked up a book at the airport called ‘Salts and Suits,’ which was a very dry business book by a journalist that I had known called Phil Jarratt. It’s not an absolute roaring yawn or a page turner. But what it did have was the really fun kind of direction as to how the surf industry was built from 1970s. How they turned the idea of a surf lifestyle into a multi-billion-dollar industry.”

A little rude to Jarratt, no? The “a very dry business book by a journalist I had known” dig?

In any case, the first season will cover the 1970s and feature Torquay, I think, which is nicknamed Velcro Valley, then, if all goes well, roll out four more seasons featuring the 1980s, 1990s and 2000s.

“The 80s and 90s are crazy as far as the characters and the decadence in that time,” Lawrence adds.

Exciting but back to our World Surf League. Isn’t this the sort of business WSL Studios was supposed to be producing before its untimely demise?

Another swing. Another miss, I suppose.

Watch the teaser here.

Breakout Jackass star “Poopies” reveals wild past as teenage drug mule, “Met up with this guy in a Tijuana hotel room and he taped all these bricks of hash onto me!”

"I met up with this guy in a hotel in Tijuana. I put on these long johns and then he taped bricks of hash onto me. It was crazy."

Sean “Poopies” McInerney, Jamie O’Brien’s former crazy sidekick in the Who is JOB series turned breakout star on the Jackass franchise, has revealed his wild drug smuggling past in an episode of the Steve-O podcast Wild Ride. 

Poopies, who is thirty five, says he was eighteen years old and unemployed when the local drug smuggler died and the man’s masters asked Poopies if he’d like to make two gees for smuggling eight pounds of hash, the weight of a robust newborn, from Mex into the US.

“I was dumb as fuck,” says Poopies. “I met up with this guy in a hotel in Tijuana. I put on these long johns and then he taped bricks of hash onto me. It was fucking crazy. The first time, I was, like, ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ So they put all this hash on me, taped it on, and put all loose clothing over it. I looked like some fucking weirdo with loose clothing.” 

But instead of sending Poopies straight to the border crossing, they told him to go out and party so he’d forget about what he was carrying and be able to waltz through customs with the rest of the party kids free of nerves.

It worked. 

“All they would have to do is touch me and they’d feel it,” says Poopies, although the hash had been specially treated so the sniffer dogs couldn’t get a read on it. 

“They’re really good at what they do,” he says. “They bring it in from Puerto Escondido, in the Oaxaca mountains, no smell.” 

Poopies says he did it twice, netting a total of four thousand dollars which, he says, he spent buying fast food for he and his pals at the Carlsbad 7-11. 

Following drug smuggling, Poopies worked on a weed farm in northern California from August to October each year, saving two hundred dollars a day, which he would then use to fund his yearly trip to Hawaii.