Sailor Kaz gives hell!

Furious Karen absolutely skewers beach parking lot gaggle who dare ask if she is a surfer: “Am I a surfer? I’M A SAILOR, B*TCH!”

"I bet you don't even know how the wind works."

Very many of my favorite things happened to collide in a Southern California parking lot, presumably San Onofre, recently and all captured to film. The scene is picked up in its middle when a woman with jet black hair held back by sunglasses and a black vest, pant combination approaches what sound to be a gaggle of surfers, pointing and saying, “You need to get out of here, I already told you once. Get the fuck out. Get in your car, drive the fuck away and never come back here again. Not once.”

It is unclear what was done, which bit of bad behavior to deserve the tongue whipping, creating much tension.

One of the offenders, in any case, asks, “Have you ever been to this beach before?” and Karen gets set right off.

“Have I ever been to this beach before?” face twisting gorgeously, rage-filled sarcasm dripping from every not-so-subtle movement “Have you ever been to Church’s* or Lowers or Middles?” then something about going left, telling them all they could never do it.

“Are you a surfer?” is the next question proffered, shooting the exchange to the moon.

“Am I a surfer?” voice breaking “I’M A SAILOR, BITCH! You can’t sail. I bet you don’t even know how the wind works!”

And end.

But is this not the best piece of surf-adjacent cinema that has been released in a decade? Maybe two? Hollywood’s finest actors, save Jonah Hill, would not be able to reprise with any more glory.

Though, for which side will you fight in the coming surfer vs. sailor wars?

A difficult choice.

*Yes, yes, we all know it is “Church” not “Church’s.”

Hot new television show “Barons” set to dramatically explore lightly fictionalized version of 1970s rivalry between surf-wear giants Billabong and Quiksilver!

Boardroom to beach.

Oh but the World Surf League has done it again, and by “done it again” I mean lost out on a thrilling new television program exploring the world of surf. But have you heard of “Barons?” A surf and business drama that will premier this very week over Australian, I think, air?

According to Variety, “Barons is an upscale, but easily approachable, eight-part series that examines what happens when money gets muddled with friendship. The 1970s-set beaches-to-boardroom rivalry story is fictional, but parallels the establishment of the real-world Billabong and Quiksilver surf-wear labels.”

The industry publication sat down across show creator Mick Lawrence and asked how he became inspired to which he answered, “I picked up a book at the airport called ‘Salts and Suits,’ which was a very dry business book by a journalist that I had known called Phil Jarratt. It’s not an absolute roaring yawn or a page turner. But what it did have was the really fun kind of direction as to how the surf industry was built from 1970s. How they turned the idea of a surf lifestyle into a multi-billion-dollar industry.”

A little rude to Jarratt, no? The “a very dry business book by a journalist I had known” dig?

In any case, the first season will cover the 1970s and feature Torquay, I think, which is nicknamed Velcro Valley, then, if all goes well, roll out four more seasons featuring the 1980s, 1990s and 2000s.

“The 80s and 90s are crazy as far as the characters and the decadence in that time,” Lawrence adds.

Exciting but back to our World Surf League. Isn’t this the sort of business WSL Studios was supposed to be producing before its untimely demise?

Another swing. Another miss, I suppose.

Watch the teaser here.

Breakout Jackass star “Poopies” reveals wild past as teenage drug mule, “Met up with this guy in a Tijuana hotel room and he taped all these bricks of hash onto me!”

"I met up with this guy in a hotel in Tijuana. I put on these long johns and then he taped bricks of hash onto me. It was crazy."

Sean “Poopies” McInerney, Jamie O’Brien’s former crazy sidekick in the Who is JOB series turned breakout star on the Jackass franchise, has revealed his wild drug smuggling past in an episode of the Steve-O podcast Wild Ride. 

Poopies, who is thirty five, says he was eighteen years old and unemployed when the local drug smuggler died and the man’s masters asked Poopies if he’d like to make two gees for smuggling eight pounds of hash, the weight of a robust newborn, from Mex into the US.

“I was dumb as fuck,” says Poopies. “I met up with this guy in a hotel in Tijuana. I put on these long johns and then he taped bricks of hash onto me. It was fucking crazy. The first time, I was, like, ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ So they put all this hash on me, taped it on, and put all loose clothing over it. I looked like some fucking weirdo with loose clothing.” 

But instead of sending Poopies straight to the border crossing, they told him to go out and party so he’d forget about what he was carrying and be able to waltz through customs with the rest of the party kids free of nerves.

It worked. 

“All they would have to do is touch me and they’d feel it,” says Poopies, although the hash had been specially treated so the sniffer dogs couldn’t get a read on it. 

“They’re really good at what they do,” he says. “They bring it in from Puerto Escondido, in the Oaxaca mountains, no smell.” 

Poopies says he did it twice, netting a total of four thousand dollars which, he says, he spent buying fast food for he and his pals at the Carlsbad 7-11. 

Following drug smuggling, Poopies worked on a weed farm in northern California from August to October each year, saving two hundred dollars a day, which he would then use to fund his yearly trip to Hawaii. 

Breaking: Greatest country rockabilly song inspired by the work of a surf journalist ever recorded explodes on unsuspecting public!


I will tell you what, you gang here, you all are the greatest collection of grumpy locals, anti-depressive quit-litters, open thread comment livers on this whole dang planet and regularly put a tear in my eye. Last week, as you may or may not know, my fourth book was loosed into the world. Blessed are the Bank Robbers tells the story of my Cousin Danny, all the banks he robbed, the one time he tried to hide from the law in a hippie commune, the other time he escaped from prison only to be run down by San Diego State track stars and various other peeks into the outlaw life.

Well, Bruce from Austin, Texas, a BeachGrit regular, decided to head into the studio and record an homage. It very well may be the second musical homage to literature in history, after Metallica’s For Whom the Bell Tolls, and certainly the greatest country rockabilly song inspired by the work of a surf journalist ever recorded.

You can listen above and then, if you so desire, to David Lee Scales and me discussing other finer points of the surfing life. SurfAds even calls in to discuss serious matters of the head.


World’s greatest race car driver Lewis Hamilton, motocross superstar Dylan Ferrandis and big wave champion Makua Rothman share thoughts on life, death and the love of surfing in beautiful new short!

Three Kings.

A new, sublime short film dropped yesterday featuring a trio of top athletes sharing their thoughts on life, death, love and friendship all while surfing the famed Waco tank.

Lewis Hamilton, known by some to be the best race car driver in the world, and Dylan Ferrandis, a French motocross superstar, joined big wave champion and new favorite commentator Makua Rothman deep in the heart of Texas for a session and a chat.

Rothman opens up with the truth that a surf trip is as much about the people on it than anything and also noted that when he’s surfing the Waco tank it doesn’t feel “artificial” at all but rather like Uluwatu. Hamilton shares that watching the other two surf kept pushing him to try more, try better, even attempting to figure out how Rothman was throwing neat little spins.

Rothman turns it right around and says nothing he could have done would have made him as happy as seeing Hamilton and Ferrandis come out of the barrel and his coaching, throughout the piece, is truly a highlight.

At the end, Hamilton declares “Surfing is my favorite sport. It really is. I love the ocean and the water, the power the movement, and going out there feels like your disconnected from all the negative things that are going around in the world.”

Truly anti-depressive. Watch, and feel, here.