After champion surfer Joel Parkinson and TikTokers “Kerfuffle on Kirra,” Florida slams heavy curfew on its most famous surfing beach ahead of Spring Break in order to circumvent “unnatural behavior amongst vile drunken semi-adults!”

Smart.

The “Kerfuffle on Kirra,” as it has come to be called, has begun reverberating around the world, altering laws and impacting freedoms. But who could blame various local governments for attempting to circumvent what recently took place in Coolangatta there on Australia’s Gold Coast. While zero fluffing of memory should be necessary, last week-ish a gaggle of semi-adult TikTokers took to a grassy hill there in the middle of the aforementioned Coolangatta and began sliding down a mud track in its center. Champion surfer Joel Parkinson then showed up, as if he had seen a symbol in the sky, and told them to stop. They did not, there was a “bust up” and the whole scene became public, as semi-adult TikTokers gotta semi-adult TikTok.

Well, news broke, thereafter, that Parkinson, himself, had created the mud track, having slid there first with his children and friends days before the semi-adults and Australia became torn in half with some siding with hypocrisy and others siding against prepubescents manifesting in twenty-five-year-olds.

Florida’s New Smyrna Beach, not that different from Australia’s Gold Coast, took careful note of the carnage and has decided to try and head off by throwing a heavy curfew on the state’s most popular surfing stretch ahead of Spring Break.

According to local news:

New Smyrna Beach City Commission voted Wednesday night to set a 60-day curfew for kids after receiving numerous complaints from residents about the “spring break invasion.”

According to city officials, the curfew is in effect east of Riverside Drive from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. Sunday to Thursday and 11 p.m. to 6 a.m. on Friday, Saturday and legal holidays. It only applies to the aforementioned groups.

Residents told the commission “spring breakers” have been running the streets rampant and agitating business owners, like PJ Warner.

Warner said Monday night he was harassed by kids in front of his convenience store on Flagler Avenue.

“The first guy blew pot smoke in my face, the second guy spit in my face, the third guy threw whisky in my face,” Warner said.

Flagler Avenue business owners also brought a long list of complaints to city leaders to Wednesday’s meeting.

While none of the complaints included “mud sliding” it was clearly weighing heavily on hearts and minds of city council members, as it should have been.

America cannot handle another civil war and Florida lost the first time around.

Heavy.