Mad Dog Hopper meets Mad Dog Ross.

The American actor, Dennis Hopper, most famous for his helium inhaling Frank “Don’t you fucking look at me” Booth in the 1986 psychological thriller Blue Velvet, ripped an Andy Warhol painting from the wall of his house and replaced it with a tow-board, says Ross Clarke-Jones. 

Ross, whose nickname Mad Dog references Hopper’s lead role in the Australian new wave classic Mad Dog Morgan, enjoyed a day date with Hopper following the actor’s work on Clarke-Jones’ bio-movie The Sixth Element from 2006. 

It was Kelly Slater, says Ross, who organised the superstar actor, director and photographer to do the movie’s voiceover with Red Hot Chilli Peppers bassist Flea ready to step in if Hopper said no. 

“I wanted a Hollywood star to narrate and I said, how are we going to do that, and, I thought, Kelly knows a few people,” says Ross. 

The movie’s original voiceover was made by Australian actor Peter Phelps, a thespian of some note in the island nation’s well-regarded acting community, although his work was quickly erased when word came that Hopper was in. 

“Me and Peter were in the casino together and Kelly rang me and he said, ‘Would you like Flea from the Chilli Peppers or Dennis Hopper?’

 Ross looked at Phelps and said, “I know you’ve done a good job but Hopper or Flea?”

On the phone, Ross asked if he might consider the matter before making a decision. 

“Mate,” Kelly said, “I’ve got Dennis Hopper and Flea on the line.” 

“Dennis Hopper!” said Ross. 

Hopper didn’t charge a dime for his work and took Ross on a day-date even allowing the notoriously wild driver to take the reins of his vintage Jaguar. 

“I was doing 150 miles an hour on the 405, Hopper’s doing great, talking about his sixth wife, so calm, he felt like my father. I felt like I’d known him all my life.” 

Ross presented Hopper with an old Jaws tow board as a gift, which Hopper then mounted on the wall of his house, removing a Warhol painting to make room for the Maurice Cole hand-shape.

“It was amazing having someone talking about you like that,” says Ross.

That story, and a myriad other tales, tall and true, below.

Tears flow from Santa Monica to Sydney.

In news not one person saw coming, the American Broadcasting Corporation, not to be confused with the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, has officially cancelled season two of The Ultimate Surfer, a show headlined by Kelly Slater and shot, on location, at his inland wave pool, won by Zeke Lau, who just happened to make it onto the 2022 World Surf League Championship Tour on his own with the much ballyhooed “Ultimate Surfer Wildcard” going unused except by Tia Blanco.

Now there’s a sentence.

Per industry pub Deadline:

The show premiered in August 2021 and ran for eight eps but it struggled to find a big wave of fans with its opening episode being boarded by less than 1.5M viewers and a 0.3 in the demo.

The series featured top up-and-coming surfers training and battling it out at the surf ranch with men and women competing in individual and team challenges focused on specific surfing disciplines.

Male and female surfers were vying for the title of the Ultimate Surfer and the opportunity to compete on the WSL World Tour.

The competition series, which is produced by Lionsgate’s Pilgrim Media Group and WSL Studios, was shot at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Kings County, California.

Surf champion Slater was the lead consultant and also served as a special correspondent. Former NFL quarterback Jesse Palmer hosted alongside sports anchor Erin Coscarelli and the voice of surfing Joe Turpel as commentators.

It was exec produced by Craig Piligian, WSL CEO Erik Logan, UFC President Dana White and Faye Stapleton.

Shocking and tears flowing, today, from Santa Monica to Sydney.

Less as the story develops.

"The word unprecedented has been used many times but I don’t think anyone has seen Byron flooded like this is living memory."

The tortured golden goose that is Australia’s Byron Bay, “a glittering dream metastasized into a malignant nightmare”, is underwater following flash floods after the joint was hit by a mini-hurricane overnight, dumping a foot of rain.

“The entire town is under water up to your waist at some points, with police now stopping people from entering,” writes Byron real estate agent Travis Lipshush in The Guardian. “I cannot remember sunshine. It has been raining steadily since spring.”

“The word unprecedented has been used many times but I don’t think anyone has seen Byron flooded like this is living memory,” Byron Shire Councillor Cate Coorey told The Echo. “I urge people to be safe. Everybody keep an eye out for each other and check on your neighbours.

Nearby Ballina has set-up evacuation centres but council staff can’t open ‘em because of the nutso weather.

“The unknown is what going to fall from the sky. That’s where it becomes hard to predict – the rain bombs we’ve had overnight the cyclonic winds we are experiencing now and overnight,” said Ballina mayor Sharon Cadwallader.

“Growing up here you are used to flooding – you build your homes up high or elevated on poles. But this is something else – a disaster that never ends,” says Travis Lipshush. “We first heard first these events were once in 100 years, then once in 500 years and then in 1,000 years. This is a microcosm of the impending doom humanity will face. Heed our warning, we must change our habits and policy – though it may already be too late.”

Crikey.