In utter and complete shock, ABC Television Corporation cancels season two of the World Surf League and Kelly Slater’s Ultimate Surfer: “It has wiped out!”

Chas Smith

By

Tears flow from Santa Monica to Sydney.

In news not one person saw coming, the American Broadcasting Corporation, not to be confused with the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, has officially cancelled season two of The Ultimate Surfer, a show headlined by Kelly Slater and shot, on location, at his inland wave pool, won by Zeke Lau, who just happened to make it onto the 2022 World Surf League Championship Tour on his own with the much ballyhooed “Ultimate Surfer Wildcard” going unused except by Tia Blanco.

Now there’s a sentence.

Per industry pub Deadline:

The show premiered in August 2021 and ran for eight eps but it struggled to find a big wave of fans with its opening episode being boarded by less than 1.5M viewers and a 0.3 in the demo.

The series featured top up-and-coming surfers training and battling it out at the surf ranch with men and women competing in individual and team challenges focused on specific surfing disciplines.

Male and female surfers were vying for the title of the Ultimate Surfer and the opportunity to compete on the WSL World Tour.

The competition series, which is produced by Lionsgate’s Pilgrim Media Group and WSL Studios, was shot at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Kings County, California.

Surf champion Slater was the lead consultant and also served as a special correspondent. Former NFL quarterback Jesse Palmer hosted alongside sports anchor Erin Coscarelli and the voice of surfing Joe Turpel as commentators.

It was exec produced by Craig Piligian, WSL CEO Erik Logan, UFC President Dana White and Faye Stapleton.

Shocking and tears flowing, today, from Santa Monica to Sydney.

Less as the story develops.

World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater delivers uplifting message after being asked if he would trade places with legendary quarterback Tom Brady: “No chance. I hugely admire Tom and his career but mine ain’t bad at all!”

Chas Smith

By

Be you.

Kelly Slater is, with only a few nitpicky caveats, the greatest surfer of all-time. The 11x World Champion took to the stage at the Academy Awards, recently, a beacon of health, of confidence, of self-assuredness as he spoke about James Bond. Well, Slater also had a chance, the very next day, to speak about another legend.

Tampa Bay quarterback Tom Brady.

Slater notes that he was on the Dan Patrick Show when Patrick asked if he would trade places with Brady. But what do you think the jiujitsu purple belt answered? Brady is considered to be the greatest quarterback of all-time, married to Gisele Bündchen, handsome etc.

So would he?

Per Slater’s velvet rope Instagram feed, “I said no chance. I hugely admire Tom and his career but mine ain’t bad at all! Nobody can be you. Every life has challenges and unique lessons. Find out the gold your life is trying to teach and offer you and make it better than the ideas you have about someone else’s!”

As if this bit of wisdom was not profound enough, Slater layered it over a stirring video of his good friend Joe Rogan talking about how you are you and there is only one of those around.

Now go out there and have a hell of a day.

Byron as Waterworld. | Photo: 9News

Surf and wellness utopia Byron Bay hit by catastrophic flooding following mini-hurricane overnight, “The entire town is under water up to your waist…police now stopping people from entering!”

Derek Rielly

By

"The word unprecedented has been used many times but I don’t think anyone has seen Byron flooded like this is living memory."

The tortured golden goose that is Australia’s Byron Bay, “a glittering dream metastasized into a malignant nightmare”, is underwater following flash floods after the joint was hit by a mini-hurricane overnight, dumping a foot of rain.

“The entire town is under water up to your waist at some points, with police now stopping people from entering,” writes Byron real estate agent Travis Lipshush in The Guardian. “I cannot remember sunshine. It has been raining steadily since spring.”

“The word unprecedented has been used many times but I don’t think anyone has seen Byron flooded like this is living memory,” Byron Shire Councillor Cate Coorey told The Echo. “I urge people to be safe. Everybody keep an eye out for each other and check on your neighbours.

Nearby Ballina has set-up evacuation centres but council staff can’t open ‘em because of the nutso weather.

“The unknown is what going to fall from the sky. That’s where it becomes hard to predict – the rain bombs we’ve had overnight the cyclonic winds we are experiencing now and overnight,” said Ballina mayor Sharon Cadwallader.

“Growing up here you are used to flooding – you build your homes up high or elevated on poles. But this is something else – a disaster that never ends,” says Travis Lipshush. “We first heard first these events were once in 100 years, then once in 500 years and then in 1,000 years. This is a microcosm of the impending doom humanity will face. Heed our warning, we must change our habits and policy – though it may already be too late.”

Crikey.

"It scares me that I am not going to be able to have these conversations with my children...I don’t want to have to hide that my partner and I went paddle boarding this weekend."

As Florida’s controversial “Don’t Say Stand-up Paddleboard” bill becomes law, educators worry that they’ll be prosecuted for sharing what they did over the weekend with younger students.

Chas Smith

By

A dark day.

Florida, protruding off the contiguous United States’ southeastern corner, was admitted into the union in 1845, twenty-seventh overall, but has since become number one in terms of questionable decision making.

The list of less-than-sound ideas and practices that flourish in The Sunshine State have become the stuff of legend, none getting as much traction these days as the recently passed Parental Rights in Education, more commonly referred to as the “Don’t Say Stand-up Paddleboard” bill.

Signed into law by Governor Ron DeSantis just hours ago, teachers are essentially forbidden from chatting about the activities they partake in on weekends with elementary aged schoolchildren whilst in the classroom including, but not limited to, SUPing.

While not a stand-up paddleboarder myself, I very much reserve the right for others to participate and openly discuss what they love about sweeping the sea. Diversity of opinion and activity is what gives our nation its unique strength and I would encourage midlenghters, high performance shortboarders, foilers and boogie boarders to stand with Florida’s SUP community in order to get this disgraceful law off the books.

Who knows when we’ll need SUPers to support our right to rip.

Be better, Florida.

Be best.

Can Mamiya (pictured astride shoulders) ring the bell?

Three-time professional surfing champion Gabriel Medina officially withdraws from upcoming Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach, replaced by current world number two Barron Mamiya!

Chas Smith

By

And the return of Mikey Wright!

Six days ago, it was rumored right here that there-time World Champion Gabriel Medina was considering making an appearance at the most famous surf contest in Australia. Alas, it is not to be as the World Surf League has just made official his withdrawal from the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach.

Per the press release:

Three-time WSL Champion Gabriel Medina (BRA) has withdrawn from the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach and will be replaced by Barron Mamiya (HAW), who is currently sitting as World No. 2 along with 11-time World Champion Kelly Slater (USA).

Yago Dora (BRA) continues his recovery from his injury ahead of the season and will be replaced by WSL Injury Replacement, Matthew McGillivray (ZAF). Carlos Munoz (CRI) and Liam O’Brien (AUS) sustained injuries at Pipeline and continue their recoveries. They will be replaced by World No. 6 Caio Ibelli (BRA) and Mikey Wright (AUS), respectively. This will mark Wright’s return to the CT after announcing an indefinite break from professional surfing following last year’s Corona Open Mexico.

Exciting that Mamiya can continue his pursuit of the crown but let’s focus on Mikey Wright’s triumphant return to organized professional surfing.

Are you excited to see Australia’s bad boy back in a singlet?

Thrilled?

"How you like me now, WSL fans?"
“How you like me now, WSL fans?”

Discuss your feelings below.

Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
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