In unprecedented move, World Surf League suspends three-time world champion from all surfing events, effective immediately following, “baseless accusations of corruption and instigating social media based-attacks on the WSL and tour leadership”
Unsportsmanlike conduct, damage to surfing's image and verbal assault!
The world champion longboarder and black-belt grappler from San Diego, Joel Tudor, has been “suspended following conduct detrimental to the integrity of the WSL per the WSL Rule Book, which includes the violation of the following provisions: sportsmanlike conduct (14.02), damage to surfing’s image (14.04), and verbal assault (14.08).”
The duration of the suspension is yet to be decided. Ten days, ten years, who knows.
Ultra-purist Tudor won his third log crown five months ago, aged forty-five, when he beat the Brit Ben Skinner at two-foot Malibu.
Tudor won his first log world title in 1998 in the Canary Islands and number two in Biarritz, 2004.
The suspension follows a heated series of posts, interviews, with and from Tudor following a rumour, possibly started here, that the World Surf League was gonna slash cut the longboard world tour from three events to one.
Tudor was very angry and especially so after the WSL featured women’s longboarding heavily during its Pro Pipeline event.
The World Surf League commissioner Jessi Miley-Dyer subsequently wrote a letter to professional longboarders declaring that their champion, Joel Tudor, was being “unhelpful and misleading”.
“(They) want to run this fake shit about equality and inclusiveness,” wrote Tudor. “Don’t be a bunch of fucking phonies.”
Elon Musk to deploy 10 Starlink satellites over flood-ravaged Australia following personal Twitter plea from world’s most-loved surfer Mick Fanning! “The people have no means of communication and really need your help!”
As reported one week ago, the three-time world surfing champion Mick Fanning has stepped back from managing his vast property and business portfolios to concentrate on ferrying stranded residents and pets following catastrophic flooding around Byron and south-east Queensland.
“On Tuesday, pharmacist Skye Swift put a call out on social media for a ride from Tweed to Murwillumbah to make sure residents could access essential medication,” The Age reported. “To her surprise, none other than the three-time world surfing champion rocked up on a jet ski offering to give her a ride. As well as winning praise on social media, Mr Fanning was able to bring smiles to the faces of residents doing it tough.
Now, following Fanning’s personal plea to Musk via Twitter, the famous billionaire has agreed to deploy ten Starlink satellites over flood ravaged regions thereby enabling locals to reconnect with their favourite betting sites, adult haunts, as well as emergency services etc.
@elonmusk We need help with the flood disaster in NSW, Australia. The people have no means of communication and really need your help! Can you help us with Starlink? How can we make it happen?
After Mick Fanning put the call out to Elon Musk, telecommunications provider Netvault donated over 10 Starlink Rapid Deployment Kits (worth $10K) enabling some of the worst flood affected parts of the Northern Rivers to now contact family, friends and first responders! @nbnnewspic.twitter.com/Og8lSP30Vz
We’ve donated 10 Starlink kits to assist with flood recovery efforts, arriving in Byron Bay this morning. These kits will have the new Starlink roaming feature enabled. This means the service is portable, & the Starlink units can be moved to other flood ravaged locations easily. pic.twitter.com/3wps5e02JM
Plans are afoot to seed the sky with more of the miracle devices.
Chaos and violence predicted as surfers return to Bali, “A new crop of Balinese surfers not only have become really good surfers in a very short time, but have no concept of international crowds. This will be an era of rebuilding trust!”
“Paddling out at Keramas can feel like crossing a ‘no-man’s land’”
A few days ago “Nyepi” was celebrated here in Bali and as I think back on it, it was the calm before the storm. A profound, surrounding silence in startling contrast to the scene I witnessed tonight at the Atomic Fireball.
Now before you get all twisted up and race to your childish, uninformed, caustic comments, listen up, school is in session.
Nyepi is a Balinese Hindu observance of silence that lasts exactly 24 hours.
This year it ran from from 6am Thursday March 3rd to 6am Friday March 4th.
In the run up to the observance, the night before features a chaotic parade where giant hand-made effigy’s of gruesome monsters are carried through the crowded streets and traditionally torched at midnight.
Starting at dawn the next day for the following 24 hours, no one is allowed on the streets, everyone must remain indoors, curtains drawn, mouths shut, no streetlights or city lights of any kind when night falls, house lights must be kept as low as a London blitz, preferably only candles, of course no internet, no TV, no surfing or beach walks, no public appearances at any time, absolutely no noise is allowed and the International airport is utterly shut down.
It is the only International airport on earth that is shut down for a religious holiday.
Yet, extraordinarily, this 24 hours of silence is a ruse.
The Balinese Hindu believe that evil spirits scour the earth looking for colonies to torment (at the moment, think Ukraine). So the chaotic parades and effigy’s and their eventual torchings are designed to catch the attention of these evil spirits and draw them to the island of Bali.
Then, by the time the evil spirits arrive at dawn, they find an island that’s seemingly deserted with no sign of human life.
Bored, with no one to torment, with no souls to send into despair, these evil spirits depart for more fertile hunting grounds (at the moment, think Ukraine), leaving the island cleansed and evil-free for another year.
So that explains the profound silence I was surrounded with a coupla days ago and how it became a metaphor. Why this 24 hours of silence was like a deep, deep breath before the floodgates of Western Australia and God knows where else opened up in anticipation of the proposed March 14th opening of Bali to all and sundry.
It also explains the astonishment at the sight of the Atomic Fireball tonight after over two years of Kuta being a place where packs of wild dogs roamed through the empty streets of the apocalypse.
With Nyepi a fading memory, tonight the shutters of Jl. Legian and the Hellzone of Kuta’s Skygarden corner were thrown open once again. Nightclub music was dialed to eleven and a dress rehearsal for the triumphant return of harvesting overseas wallets was taking place in earnest.
All in the shadow of the 2002 Bombing memorial no less, t rising sentinel, newly festooned with blinking Christmas lights and new electric palm trees.
The memorial, lording over the festivities to come that attracted the 2002 disaster in the first place. As well as the empty lot of the proposed “Peace Park” which has been locked in the jaws of hopeless negotiation for almost 20 years at great expense to the Australian taxpayer.
And yet, dwarfing the Bali Memorial these days, tonight rocketing early Western Australian holiday makers 50 meters into the night sky at 200km/hr and pressing them back into their seats with the G force of five times their body weight, is a contraption known ‘round the world as a reverse slingshot amusement ride.
Located not 50 meters from the 2002 Bombing Memorial.
But locals around here just call this crazy erection the Atomic fireball.
And well they should.
It was the shrieking that first captured my attention. Sitting three abreast, our early W.A. female holiday makers were sent aloft in such a state of alarm that I doubt they were able to take in the spectacle of Bali’s famed nightclub Bermuda triangle jangling back to life below.
But I am sure that at least two of them were reminded of the effect of what too much fun in this famed tropical danger zone has always had on its devotees. When unbuckling out of their night time space capsule, they both promptly vomited up their three-dollar Margaritas.
Good ol’ Kuta.
But don’t worry, it’s not going to be all madness.
The Bukit peninsula, home of the almighty Uluwatu, having reveled in a downright bucolic coupla years thanks to Covid, has fallen into a rhythm not seen since the premier of Morning of the Earth (That would be the 1972 premiere, by the way).
And with the weeds being cleared away from the the Bukit’s hardcore surfer ground zero, the White Monkey Surf shop, and their warehouse of brand new Mayhems and Pete Matthews upcoming Pandemic surf film, only being able to be seen in the back yard of the shop, any early surf arrivals are going to be able to get their soul boogie on at Uluwatu and it’s barreling neighbors down the line.
And Padang Padang?
It’s just itching to start its season of breaking overseas boards. Karma still being a measurable force up in the Bukit.
(More on the wild monkey wars at a later date).
And Canggu, having never skipped a beat, still firmly on the global Dharma bum trail, has maintained its juice as the grooviest place on earth. Despite the attempted and failed hostile takeover from the Russians. Especially when Jared Mell takes off on any wave he likes and makes the act of surfing crowded sandy sand bars look like the most beautiful Goddamned thing to do in the world.
But let me tell you, all of you who are on the way here, what you are going to find as a post covid Bali surfer: An island changed forever in more subtle ways than you are ready for.
As bruising as the 2002 Bali bombings, this island will bear the scars of the Covid era forever. Economically and philosophically. The economic scars are obvious. But thanks to the efforts of underground angels like the boys at Project Nasi, we got through it together with good ol’ elbow grease and hearts in the right place.
But more sublime are the philosophical effects that have taken hold of the island. A mist of vulnerability, far different from the tailings of the bombings.
Aside from tourism numbers, the vibe that the outside world has had little effect on this island has been shattered.
And you can see it in the far more wary smiles from the Balinese, both masked and unmasked. Having been convinced that any acts of close contact and friendship with foreigners could get you and your olds and your children killed, there is a certain physical distance being kept these days. A sad development that may or may not erode as the evolution of the island’s recovery continues.
Let’s face it, Bali’s greatest appeal has always been the open smiles and the join-the-family vibe and the acceptance of all visiting creatures great and small.
Today, it is perceived that our madness in the world beyond these shores went a bridge too far. This is not a place you bring the folly of mankind. This is a place you leave it behind. And we have given you all the cheap booze and the yoga retreats you desire to confirm that.
So let us remember to tread lightly these new days.
To understand that the people of this island have been through exactly what the rest of us have. And quite often worse. Let us remember who we are and who they are and to respect the difference.
As we know, the Balinese are incredibly resilient, witnessed by the fact that even with no military the island has never fallen to any permanent occupation despite the best efforts of the Dutch and the Japanese (although the global surfing empire gave it a good shot).
But this recent collapse of tourism and subsequently the island’s economy had nothing to do with Bali.
Remember, Bali took complete and meaningful blame for the 2002 bombings. But when it comes to the Covid pandemic, none of this was Bali’s fault. It was the fault of a Chinese “wet market” in Wuhan selling endangered species for profit and a world paying no attention to its over-population crisis.
And so, Pangolin conspiracies aside, forever seeking balance between good and evil, the Balinese are ready to welcome international travelers with open arms and thousands of freshly printed Bintang singlets and the warm beers to go with them.
But with a decidedly more leery approach. After having suffered this Covid disaster, as no fault of their own, the one-day-at-time frequency has been dialed to a more watch-out-for-these-guys radio setting.
Hence, the new Bali trip.
A few facts:
Don’t even think about it unless you are fully super-vaxxed.
The good news is that Bali has reopened for quarantine free travel ahead of schedule. It’s happening now. Still, do your research and get the pandemic phone apps and get your shit together before you show up. It’s a real logjam at the airport for the uninformed. And maybe even a trip home. At your expense. And again, that would be your fault, not theirs.
Now to the surfer part of the equation:
Western Australians, set free from their prison state, are already pouring in (and the the few South Australians here never left in the first place), so you East Coasters might want to ante-up before both these species plant their flags as apex predators.
The lineups have been empty since 2019. Which means that a whole new crop of Balinese surfers not only have become really good surfers in a very short time, but that they have no concept of international crowds. This is already causing “confusion and cursing”.
For example: The Eastside Keramas locals are tougher and less tourist tolerant than their Westside brothers. This is due to having the Komune Resort plunked down directly in front of their their best wave, and due to not financially benefiting from Bali’s seasonal tourist invasions nearly as much as the Bukit or Canggu crews.
Hence, the proverbial line in the sand has been drawn. Paddling out there can feel like crossing a “no man’s land” , an attempt to get into the trenches of the opposing forces of the other side. Good luck gettin’ across before getting cut down at the knees).
Gentlemen, the smart money is on approaching these lineups as if for the first time. You know the rules. We all do. Approach a new lineup like it’s a lion’s cage. Ease your way in and never, ever miss the first wave you paddle for.
And your first wave?
Ride smooth, calm and controlled with a really cool kickout and maybe a tweak of the nostrils of your nose. Forget the fucking air attempt and the contorted mug, that’s where the cred fails on the first ride. (Teach your children well, please, you veterans in the know).
And in this way it is a chance to begin again and ensure your surfing dreams for years to come in Bali. Instead of showing up like the taller, louder, more experienced Bali surf soldiers that you are and launching an offensive that we all know you could win. But at what price?
Affection and smiles and expectations of cash from the international surf crowd has dipped here in the absence of them. This will be an era of rebuilding trust. Think about that when you wax up or just be another fucking asshole.
Is it too much to ask for you to bring your better angels this time? To rebuild the Bali experience with more of an enlightened approach as opposed to the Aggronaut- beer-swilling-rape-and-pillage of the past?
Think of the benefits …uh…down the line?
Wouldn’t that be nice.
Hot Tip: Mushrooms are still illegal here. And stuffing your bodyboard with really good weed will still get you ten years of crapping into a coffee can in the corner of a crowded, moldy, Hotel K jail cell. So look in the mirror before you get here and ask one question: Am I that fuckin’ stupid?
After years of relative peace the cops are more eager than ever to bust offenders of any kind. And they have Carte Blanche when it comes to deportation for even the lesser offenses. You can thank the Russians for that. But as Newcastle’s number one expat Mick Lynch says, “In Bali, you can keep your chin up, but just don’t fuck up”.
Good news. With the lack of the hotel and the tourist infrastructure’s massive water use, the rivers and streams and creeks have been running full tilt. Which means the sand banks of Kuta and Canggu are as good as they once were in the 1930’s. So get here quick if you want to hit the beachies before everything dries up again. (Again, Jared Mell has been having a field day in your absence. Please, God, do NOT drop in on this deity).
As for the rest of the surf on the island, somewhere, it has never stopped being absolutely perfect every day of the calender year.
Hot tip: I don’t give shit how old you are, go watch Morning of the Earth in it’s entirety before you land here. It’s the world’s greatest re-set for the new Bali.
And, thanks to the WSL you can drive in to G-Land now.
I have to ask you to stop reading and stare at the ceiling and think about that for a count of ten.
So they needed a new road and a big parking lot if all the broadcast equipment was gonna make it in. (And a little extra for Joe Turpel’s new reefside throne.)
Please..God…let us genuflect and think about that once again.
Land. Driving in. Parking lot. Good Lord.
The Boats still remain your best bet, Saints be praised, and still make you feel like more of a man. Last boat trip I took there, Charlie Quesnel was onboard. He’s the Surfrider foundation’s Maui Chapter lead activist and the 1970’s alpha cosmic children’s era survivor of Honolua Bay. The stories, man, the stories. You are not gonna get that in a overloaded crappy rental car with your mates and the air-con not workin’ .
On to our neighbor islands beyond Java:
Desert Point is under threat of a massive development. Think Keramas on steroids. Get it while you can, man. And while your are thinking about it, you can help out the locals who are raising a legal defense fund against the intruders by contacting Budi at [email protected] Go on. Give a little. You’ve been there.
Sumbawa, which like Antarctica, has never been affected by this whole pandemic mess, hasn’t changed a whit. So over there the adventure continues for the I-am-not-a-sook crowd. Doing it tough at Lakey Peak never felt better (Did you know that it is said that Lakey Peterson, runner up in Portugal, was named after that wave by her father? Now that is real commitment to surf travel, uh?)
And in more good news, I am informed by expat salty dog Captain Eric Lee that the ferry’s to get to Sumbawa just renewed their third world lifeboat certs, so there’s that, I guess.
But watch out for the mudslides on Sumbawa. The island is being scraped down for corn oil production. It’s the “new palm oil” apparently and just as environmentally disastrous. And always expecting large water buffalo in the middle of the road while swiping around suicide curves in your rental is always prudent.
And so it goes from Bali, the great survivor. The only Hindu island in an Islamic nation of 17,500 islands.
Stare at the ceiling and think about that, too.
Think about how the appeal of Bali has always been its tolerance and freedom to be whoever you want to be here. A chance to rip around on your scooter with the wind in your hair and the sand between your toes and the cheap beer in your belly as the sun sets over the whole fantasy.
But remember, you have no rights here on Bali. Only privileges. And so it should be.
Iconic Hawaiian surfboard shaper reportedly close to death, “What’d he do? He brought about the first shortboards, and there’s nobody could say he didn’t do it. He was there!”
“He’s not some damn vegetable, that’s for sure,” says Pat Rawson. “He’s a fighter.”
Dick is Sick.
Eighty-five-year-old Richard Brewer, Shaper of shapers, just left the hospital to return home to Kauai’s Princeville to rest with his wife, Sherry. While test results won’t come back until next week, it looks like Dick’s blood might be betraying him, possibly the bone marrow, according to Sherry.
However, reports suggesting that Dick is refusing treatments and transfusions are dung. It’s an insurance issue that’s putting them in a tight spot; if the Brewer’s accept hospice care, any possibly needed transfusions won’t be covered.
A wicked rock―hard place game for one of surfing’s greatest protagonists.
Brewer’s shaping legacy stretches from Reno and Gerry in the 60’s (We forgive them for the Lotus poses) to Bruce in the new millennium.
Until a few months ago, Dick was still driving the planer, creating a logjam for his glassers.
But life pivots without asking and the goal now is to simply make him as comfortable as possible.
“Dick’s gotten real quiet since the hospital,” says Sherry.“but people have been coming over and talking stories and showing him pictures of himself. It’s real nice.”
One of his biggest angels is Pat Rawson, another shaping patriarch. The two have been together since 1972, teaching and learning their art. Once he heard about Dick’s condition, he flew right over to support Dick and Sherry.
Pat told me, “Someone asked this morning, ‘What did he do?’
“What’d he do? He brought about the first shortboards, and there’s nobody could say he didn’t do it. He was there!”
Rawson remembers the tensions during those times, too.
“Dick had a lot of enemies in the day, though. He had a certain a way of doing things. Some of the older guys and him didn’t get along good. (They liked me ‘cause I’d go down and buy the beers for them, roll the joints.) It was just like throwing too many dogs in the backyard. It was tough for everybody to get along.But there are millions of people who love Dick Brewer. You can’t take away anything from him. Nobody can.”
Rawson is optimistic about Dick’s prognosis.
“He’s not some damn vegetable, that’s for sure,” says Pat. “He’s a fighter.”
All good things, they say, must come to an end sooner or later. By all accounts Dick’s life has been a good thing. Still is.
Sherry is looking for some solid assistance right now. She needs a few reliable people to sit with Dick, get him up and down the steps, make a few meals, offer some Costco gift cards, etc.
Joel Parkinson, longtime fixture on the Association of Surfing Professionals’ Championship Tour, was best known for his effortlessly stylish approach to wave dancing. His smooth, born and bred on Australia’s Gold Coast, won him many admirers that reminisce together to this very day and also, once, a slap from a bodyboarder though that may have had more to do with something else.
Well, Parkinson had an opportunity, yesterday, to release some pent up anger at a gaggle of… not kids but not adults either… who were enjoying a mudslide.
The pell-mell, mostly caught on camera and posted to various social medias, was titled “This guy tried to bash us for going down a mudslide in the Gold Coast” and included the caption:
This is @joelparko ex professional surfer . Picking on young people trying to have some fun in hard times. Actually getting violent towards them. @wsl. Who do you think you are? we have all seen videos of you and your idiot mates running amok when you were younger. Why don’t you grow up, you want respect? You have to give it to earn it [email protected]_aus