"There’s a reason I’m not talking about it that is personal. I do believe that medical privacy is a real thing."

Earlier today, the triple-vetted rumour that Kelly Slater, noted for his public opposition to vax mandates, “has already been vaccinated and may be ready to push through Australia’s green and gold gates with no fuss at all.”

Per reporter Smith’s story, 

“He is number one in the rankings, heading into the Hurley Pro Sunset Beach, with the Australian leg to follow. Students of the game will certainly be aware that the land down under cares not for pedigree, for athletic excellence, in the face of a waning Coronavirus pandemic having recently shamed tennis star Novak Djokovic out of Melbourne for his refusal to “take the jab” but will Slater’s noted ultra-competitiveness, his quest for title number 12, overwhelm his own very public vaccine hesitancy?

“Unbelievable?”

Apparently, not.

“I’ll see you in Australia,” Slater has just told Reuters. “(My vaccination status) is an important question, and there’s a reason I’m not talking about it that is personal. I do believe that medical privacy is a real thing. But I think my answer that I’ll see you in Australia answers that.”

The comments mark a stunning backflip for the world’s greatest athlete whose world title dreams were in tatters only a few weeks ago after Australia’s federal sports minister Richard Colbeck said Slater “has no chance of getting into the country” unless he’s injected with an approved COVID-vaccine prior to arrival.

“I reckon he knows the rules. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a surfer, or a tennis player, a tourist or anyone else, those are the rules. They apply to everyone,” Colbeck said. “I don’t like the chances of him competing in Victoria, and I’d hate to think of what the chances were of him competing in Western Australia.”

The fourth and fifth events on this year’s ten-event tour are Bells and Margarets, April 10 through May 4.

Australia’s vax policies came into sharp relief over the past month following the deportation of world number one tennis player Novak Djokovic.

Novak, who ain’t into COVID vaccines, secured a vax exemption to compete at the Australian Open in Melbourne, which, amid a rising furore from Australians, was quickly cancelled by the country’s PM.

When The New York Times posted the story on Instagram, Slater teed off with the claim Melbourne’s citizens had been brainwashed by its state masters, developing a bond with their captors during six lockdowns totalling 262 days after COVID kicked off worldwide in March 2020.

“Maybe Stockholm Syndrome can now change its name to Melbourne/Australia Syndrome,” wrote Slater. “It’s sad to see the celebrated division by the “virtuous” vaccinated. If you’re vaccinated why are you concerned/worried about anyone else’s status… unless, of course, it doesn’t protect you? Or you’re scared you’ll catch it or upset you had to take the risk of vaccination yourself? So much brainwashed hatred in people’s hearts regardless of vax status.”

Last October, Slater was slammed by the Australian press after launching multiple fronts in the online vaccine war, saying friends have “literally” been killed by vaccines and that he knows more about being healthy than “99 percent of doctors.”

"Still seventeen, he looked a lot older…A universe of adult concerns and expectations orbiting around him like space trash."

He could retire as world number one and our once and present King of Pipeline.

He could obtain any wildcard he wanted if he got the itch in the future.

Trestles is a Brazilian trampoline park at this point, so Kelly doesn’t have to prove anything there during kiddie hour at the end of the year.

But even if he presses on, and what a wonder that would still be, every time I watch him surf, and especially during his marvel at the Billabong Pro on I am reminded of this portrait I shot that was to accompany the first SURFER cover story I wrote about Kelly.

He was seventeen years old and just about to make the jump to professional hyperspace. But at the time he and his family were just getting by, sleeping on mattresses on the floor of a small rented house back by the canals of Cocoa Beach. Kelly and I shared one of those mattresses, which was cool with me because like him, I too grew up in a house full of brothers.

And so was created that most famous of opening lines in any feature written about Kelly, “He sleeps like an angel”.

Since then I have always felt like a distant Uncle of Kelly. And during my many years as a senior editor/writer/portrait photographer at SURFER, I always defended and protected Kelly in the media.

I still do.

The shit he caught for Baywatch always made me angry. Yeah, sure…you try it and then woo Pamela Anderson into being your girlfriend.

Anyway, I needed a portrait of Kelly to go with the feature and he wanted to go down to his local beach and climb all over a fishing trawler that had run aground. So we clambered up on top of the thing and talked for awhile about his upcoming eighteenth birthday and how serious adulthood was and of how much things were going to change for him. Still seventeen, he looked a lot older that afternoon. Haunted by the cascade of media and sponsor attention he was already getting. Having to change his family’s home phone number all the time because of the fan girls that were stalking him. Shit like that. A universe of adult concerns and expectations orbiting around him like space trash.

As the sun set over his home town he got real quiet and then said, “I guess I’m gonna have to figure out how to control some things”.

That is when I shot this photo and came up with the title I was going to use for the feature The Seduction of Kelly Slater.

Back at SURFER, there was a disconnect with the art director.

For the story, the art director ran some photo of a 16 year old Kelly smiling and joking around in the beach showers at Sebastian Inlet after a surf.

To me it was an accidental metaphor for how the surfing world misunderstood the pressure this kid was under. And in my opinion, the pressure he still is.

I believe that had they run my portrait, this portrait, everyone would have taken a deep breath, given the kid a break and from that point forward, raised Kelly in the media as less a messiah and more a human being.

Some rumored evidence.

The world’s greatest surfer, and recently crowned Pipeline Pro, Kelly Slater turned 50 years old today, or yesterday, and what a story he is early on in this 2022 World Surf League Championship Tour season. Slaying opponents at the globe’s “most dangerous wave,” appearing tan, rested and ready for the long run.

He is number one in the rankings, heading into the Hurley Pro Sunset Beach, with the Australian leg to follow.

Now, students of the game will certainly be aware that the land down under cares not for pedigree, for athletic excellence, in the face of a waning Coronavirus pandemic having recently shamed tennis star Novak Djokovic out of Melbourne for his refusal to “take the jab” but will Slater’s noted ultra-competitiveness, his quest for title number 12, overwhelm his own very public vaccine hesitancy?

I received a rumor, yesterday, from a fine source who triple vetted his own sources, that Slater has allegedly already been vaccinated and may be ready to push through Australia’s green and gold gates with no fuss at all.

Unbelievable?

Adjacent, though, looking at the facts, Slater’s main issue is vaccine mandates, not necessarily the vaccine itself, therefore it would not be hypocritical for him to self-select pharmaceutical intervention.

But what do you think? Does this hot piece of rumor stand to your sniffer?

We will all soon find out, I suppose, in a few short 87,600 minutes.

Exciting.

Kelly Slater in heat four!

Minutes ago, the World Surf League released its opening round heat draw for the also minutes away Hurley Pro Sunset Beach. Do you remember when Hurley shifted from a core surf brand to purveyor of men’s grooming products? But also, the draw. Heat one sees Jordy Smith bash against Ryan Callinan and fellow Zef Matthew McGillivray. Heat two, Kanoa Igarashi, Lucca Mesinas, Caio Ibelli. Four, Kelly Slater, who happens to be the greatest of all-time which can be condensed to GOAT, Callum Robson, Barron Mamiya.

On it goes through heat six, where Filipe Toledo will not scratch into waves in front of João Chianca and Kai Lenny, heat eight featuring John John Florence plus Owen Wright and heat twelve which will go unwatched. All fine and good except the League’s decision to drop all this valuable information so late has roiled both gamblers and those who enjoy playing childish fantasy surf-style games as opposed to Surfival League where the draw really doesn’t matter so much.

Now that you know, though, who is looking good?

Did you even know Mark Zuckerberg’s BFF Kai Lenny was in the event?

That might be worth a whole separate post.

More as the story develops.