Chief of Sport Miley-Dyer (pictured) watering the Tree of Engagement. Photo: Instagram
Chief of Sport Miley-Dyer (pictured) watering the Tree of Engagement. Photo: Instagram

Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer highlights wanton cruelty of World Surf League with heartless smirk in chilling “Make or Break” promo!

"The Tree of Engagement must be periodically watered with the blood of Owen Wright."

Season two of Make or Break has officially been unleashed and are you excited to dip into the production? Have you already stayed up all night binging each and every episode? The Apple television program is, by any measure, very fine. The Box to Box team does not fear professional surfers in the same way the World Surf League does and so does not un-point cameras when things go sideways or Zeke Lau becomes upset.

It is a great shame that those various British producers, directors and camera people aren’t given the keys to the broadcast and instead we are left with a tall Wall of Positive Noise but we can’t always get what we want, I suppose.

JP Currie will be, in any case, reviewing soon but, in the meantime, there have been many dribs and drabs pushed through World Surf League channels intending on driving interest including the well-loved Instagram account of the World Surf League’s Jessi Miley-Dyer.

Now, it might have been thought that the Chief of Sport would have highlighted a positive moment, as is in line with the League’s sunny ethos, but in a wild shock to fans, Miley-Dyer instead chose to focus on death and destruction in a thoroughly macabre way.

In a to camera bit, she described how the mid-year cull was being rolled out for the first time, that it would essentially end careers and lead to destitution, how “heavy” that was but also how “massive.”

That the Tree of Engagement must be periodically watered with the blood of Owen Wright.


Wantonly so.

Karen (pictured) regulating.
Karen (pictured) regulating.

San Diego beach neighborhoods form powerful “Coastal Karens” political lobby in order to thwart out-of-control twink parties and baby bonfires!

"May I speak with the city manager?"

The pressure of living beachfront in America’s Finest City, man. Sure, there are the small pleasures like temperate year ’round weather, plentiful surf and fine enough sand but there are also real evils like spike ball parties that grow out of control, baby bonfires and little dogs secreted into “no dog” zones.

Well, Ocean Beach, Mission Beach, Pacific Beach and La Jolla are mad as hell and aren’t going to take it anymore. Leaders on the four town councils have decided to band together and form up a powerful political lobby in order to get the city to see things their way.

Dubbed the “Coastal Karens,” the group is fired up and ready to go. “We all have many concerns in common and we’ve found that we’re much more effective when we work together,” Catharine Douglass, chair of the La Jolla Town Council’s Safety Committee, told The San Diego Union-Tribune.

“Our needs are much greater than most other neighborhoods because of all the tourists, but we don’t get extra money from the city for that,” added Larry Webb, president of the Mission Beach Town Council. “We’re getting some respect from the city. We’ll continue to explore other areas where we have similar concerns and solutions we want the city to consider.”

First in the sights were beach vendors, those pesky folk who attempt to sell hats, jelly beans and whatnot. The Coastal Karens goaded the city into adopting comprehensive street vendor legislation, though it won’t take effect until the California Coastal Commission approves it.

Next up was the restriction of wood bonfires which cause people to sit and stare mindlessly, often while sipping contraband IPA and the city agreed to the demands.


The city then agreed to physically close all parks and parking lots along the coast, overnigh,t to prevent teenage canoodling and loud boombox rap music leading to another set of high fives.

Not content with simple laws getting passed, though, Charlie Nieto, president of the Pacific Beach Town Council, declared, “No matter how good the legislation, it won’t mean anything without enforcement.”

The group out on the streets, cell phones ready, voices pre-shrilled.

Karens gonna Karen.

Slater's longtime fiancé (background) lovingly ponders her man in defeat. Photo: WSL
Slater's longtime fiancé (background) lovingly ponders her man in defeat. Photo: WSL

Surf legend Kelly Slater telegraphs death, end of career, in naked new interview: “My competitive flame is burning low, but it can spark up at times.”

The king is still alive. Long live the king.

As JP Currie pointed out this morning, nobody does naked vulnerability like the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater. Oh that “world’s greatest” business is entirely beyond dispute no matter your feelings on the “surf industry,” “competitive professional surfing” or politics. Slater has conquered every niche of our water world, save the kooky bits like SUPing and foiling, and, yet, is still approachable enough, still raw enough to be the only championship tour participant to accept interviews after losses, the only to let the camera linger, capturing real hurt and tenderness (see above photograph).

The end is, of course, nigh and we have all know that for quite some time but now it appears that Slater knows it too.

In a sweet and poignant interview with People magazine, dutifully promoting the Apple Television program Make or Break Season 2, the 11x World Champion says about the end, “”I think about it a lot. It’s a reality, because it’s not far off for me. My competitive flame is burning low, but it can spark up at times.”

The fantastic bit of self-awareness led to other gems including, but not limited to…


I don’t ever envision that time in my life where I’m not surfing. I’ve said it before and it sounds kind of strange, but I’d be totally fine passing away, out in the ocean somewhere, someday when I’m 100 years old. I want to surf until my final days.

A second career:

I would like to try my hand (in professional golf) at some point. I’m at a level where I should be able to perform if I’m not too nervous.


We (Kalani Miller plus GOAT) talk about it a lot, so it’ll probably happen at some point there.

And his perpetual golden wildcard/dude cruise:

I’ll still probably surf an event here or there for a few years to come. I really want to focus my life on going to my favorite places on the planet and maybe getting a boat and doing a lot of it just with a couple people. I don’t know. It’s a never-ending journey for surfers. There’s always another wave and another place you want to go.

What will we do without him?

More to the point, what will the World Surf League do?

David Lee Scales and I did not discuss this on our weekly chat but, man, they should be extremely worried unless Chief Tinky Winky Jessi Miley-Dyer has already ginned up a solid plan. I’d imagine Dirk Ziff gifts a chunk of his professional surfing organization to Slater as a sweet pair of golden handcuffs to match those golden wildcards.


Scales and I, anyhow, did discuss the issue of trans women in sport from a white cis male perspective.


Open Thread: Comment Live on Day Four of the Hurley Pro Sunset Beach where surf fans act averse to nasty language and partial to fruity tea!

Gird thy loins!

Florence (pictured) no longer with us. Photo: WSL
Florence (pictured) no longer with us. Photo: WSL

Better-than-predicted Sunset does fine job highlighting great surfing on Hurley Pro Day Three: “Timing had to be perfect. Commitment to sections was rewarded, hesitation was punished!”

"You might say it’s indicative of WSL failure when a 51 year old is still centre stage, but if they play their cards right, there’s a crop of athletes with both the talent and the character to change that."

You realise as you get older, that despite your best efforts, you can’t change who you are.

Where personality comes from is a mix of nature and nurture, but if you have children, or have observed the world for long enough, you’ll realise the terrible, fascinating truth.

Despite common sense and science, nature prevails.

We’re all searching for that sense of who we really are.

Some of us might find it through the medium of surfing, in our own and in those we admire.

In surfing, authenticity is both revealed and discovered. Done properly, it’s a way of silently expressing who you are without having to explain it.

That’s what we’re looking for in the pros. It’s not just their surfing we aspire to, it’s their character. We revere in others the deficiencies in ourselves. And those we love the most are those who lay it all bare, whose performances on a wave convey an authentic sense of themselves.

Your power comes from what you make.

For the athletes on the WCT, surfing is their power.

Today, Sunset Beach revealed some of their character, providing a solid day of men’s surfing in waves far better than anyone predicted.

The entirety of the Round of 32 and Round of 16 was completed using the overlapping heat format. Once again it was clear that this should be utilised more often than not.

Aside from the efficiency, the added priority wrinkles keep things interesting. Most importantly, it leads to more action, and in turn a better quality of broadcast that doesn’t fill the dead air with meaningless noise.

Kaipo tried his best to provide some irrelevance. My favourite moment was his attempted recollection of a folktale about a Hawaiian woman who is collecting octopus and is punished for taking too many.

Kaipo, bless him, informed us the Hawaiian word for waves was the same as the word for octopus. Maybe she was taking too many waves, he suggested to no-one in particular.

“Think about it”, he implored the dead air.

But whereas some men need meaningless noise, others thrive in silence.

John Florence’s character is not new to us. We know, given the time and space to perform, that he’s likely the most gifted surfer in the world. (Though it should be acknowledged that this distinction is not quite as clear cut as it once was.)

Pete Mel noted the demeanour of both John and Ian Gentil before their Round of 32 match-up as being very similar, relaxed, easy-going. Just cruising.

Of course this is something we can admire. And it’s a headspace that can lead to peak performance, as we’ve so often seen with John.

It worked this morning against Gentil, the tight final scoreline belying the distance between the men.

At his best, Florence operates in a flow state. Sometimes this happens for a whole heat, sometimes several in a row. But if you want to win, you can’t rely on it. Sheer force of talent is often not enough in pro surfing.

In his surprising defeat to Nat Young, he just couldn’t get going.

Young flared and deserved the win. The “young man from North America”, as Strider referred to him, bizarrely.

Meanwhile, Florence looked entirely out of sorts. He’d already lost by the time he snapped his board and ended up swimming. The board that had looked so red and vibrant in the early rounds now floated in two pieces, desolate and distant from its commander.

The tone in the booth was sombre.

At least we still have Ethan Ewing, everyone was no doubt thinking.

It takes a slow motion replay to highlight how different the turns performed by Ethan and John are. It’s too fast in real time, too seamless to really appreciate the perfection of form and depth of rail.

Sunset Beach did a fine job today of highlighting great surfing. Timing had to be perfect. Commitment to sections was rewarded, hesitation was punished.

Judges seemed to struggle in the early rounds, uncertain of whether to score barrels or turns highest. This led to differentials in some heats that didn’t seem to create enough separation for those who passed the eye test.

I noted some very strange scoring of non-makes. Slater, Miguel Pupo and Yago all scored mid-fives in the Round of 32 for waves that weren’t close to being made.

No explanation was offered as to this judging quirk that was a stark contradiction to all we know about how waves must be finished.

Some controversy was teased in the Round of 32 heat between Ryan Callinan and Caio Ibelli. Ibelli’s 8.17 for two turns seemed inflated. God given, even. Especially when it was compared directly alongside a 6.17 for Ryan Callinan which was almost identical.

Two full points? Kaipo hoisted. But no-one took the lead.

What of Ibelli? Do you believe in him?

His surfing can be radical, and barring the score against Callinan, was more or less undeniable today. But for me it never looks assured, despite the scores. He wields a skin-of-your-teeth style that can be exciting, but is the antithesis of men like Florence, Ewing, Medina, Robinson.

Jack Robinson, by contrast, seems to have grown further into his Alpha role in the yellow jersey.

Today he transitioned from barrels into seamless carves perhaps better than anyone. He’s far more lucid in post heat interviews, or “on the glass” as seems the de rigueur phrase.

Gone is the thousand yard stare and quasi-spiritual platitudes about being “in the moment”. It has been replaced with a self-assuredness that should send chills down the spines of all who will chase him for the remainder of the year.

If anyone can traverse this psychological chasm between flow states and hard graft, it’s Jack Robinson.

There’s an intriguing mix of grafters and masters in the quarter finals.

It might seem a disservice to the talents of Matt McGillivray, Caio Ibelli and Nat Young to class them in the former group, but it should be taken as a nod to the fact that at Sunset Beach they’ve found the centre of the Venn Diagram that leads to winning heats. Somewhere between effort, commitment, supreme skill, abundant confidence, and sheer force of will.

One man who might have all of this and more is Joao Chianca.

The best adjective I can think of to describe the surfing he did today is “frightening”.

There’s a simmering violence in the way Chianca approaches heats. A latent power that seems to border on the psychopathic.

His laissez faire post heat interviews seem like a mask concealing the fact that riding waves is a thin tissue preventing him from stabbing something to death.

There’s no discernible weakness in Chianca’s make-up, and a ridiculously high ceiling. As a fan of professional surfing, you should be enthralled and terrified by this potential.

But though we might admire the qualities of skill and character that could elevate some men to the top of this game, there are only two who have consistently proven that they have everything. They are out of this competition, but this watery theatre still depends on them: Gabriel Medina and Kelly Slater.

I can’t dwell on Medina being out. Suffice to say it caused great personal trauma. Colapinto deserved the score that won him the heat, but somehow Medina always seems unlucky to lose.

His opening barrel today would have been a closeout for anyone else. He’s still the man to beat, barring acts of god or the creeping shadow of issues that kept him out last season

Right now I’m pulling for Kelly Slater to be around as long as possible, too.

Resplendent in unusually bright red shorts, he vanquished some of his Sunset demons today but eventually fell to Ethan Ewing in the Round of 16.

He hunted barrels when turns were scoring higher, a fact he should have known given he hung around between heats, scrutinising the line-up.

I wondered if it was less of a tactical error than a tacit acknowledgement of his limitations. Going turn for turn against Ewing would never work.

Tell that to those in the booth. Respect for the GOAT is more than appropriate, but at some point they need to stop talking about him like he’s still 25.

For better or worse, he’s still the best post-heat interview. Notably, he’s the only man gracious enough (or the only one approached) to give an interview when he loses. Whatever happened to that production flash in the pan?

You might say it’s indicative of WSL failure when a 51 year old is still centre stage, but if they play their cards right, there’s a crop of athletes with both the talent and the character to change that.