"Danger is always six feet away."
Can you believe that it’s been half a decade almost since Zeke Lau, the powerfully built Hawaiian with full rounds breasts sculpted by God and which rivet the eye, won ABC’s The Ultimate Surfer and was gifted one-hundred-thousand dollars and wildcards to three events?
Did you watch, you were alone, sadly, and the show was cancelled after one season. But not before many highlights.
The six-foot-two, two-hundred pound Hawaiian, you’ll remember, qualified for the WCT in 2017 and competed for three seasons before missing the cut for the 2020 season.
“Zeke Lau bulldozing John was Bells’ best moment,” said the historian Matt Warshaw. “Second-best was Italo going psy-ops on Zeke in the quarters, and getting the exact same result. Who knew Italo even had that gear? The little shimmy dance in the lineup when he had Zeke on the ropes, that made my day, made the whole contest. Decent waves, great surfing — Zeke ripped his heat with John; Italo did the same against Zeke — I mean, that is the blueprint. Right there. WSL should database heats like that, and figure out how to give us more. The craziest thing about the WSL right now is that they trip over the answers to their own problems, all the time, and don’t even know it. There is no crackling John-Zeke moment in the wavepool. There is no dancing-Italo moment. There is no three-minute countdown, like in the final, where everyone’s holding their breath to see if Mick can get the wave and score. You need that weirdness and tension and uncertainty. Fuck a level playing field. Closeouts and the occasional freak wave, like the one Griffin got at Kirra — that is surfing!
A Zeke Lau v John John coloniser story or good clean fun?
No one knew where to turn.
Was it good, bad, ugly? Was it a microcosm of the struggle ‘tween indigenous Hawaiian and colonial white man?
Or the reverse, the forever beat-down of the white man as he attempts to thrive as a minority?
That preamble almost became Zeke Lau’s eulogy recently after the Hawaiian was almost scalped by his fin during a session at Rocky Point, a relative playground of hi-fi zig-zagging amid the very serious dick-swinging at Pipe, Sunset etc.
“Took a fin to the head the other week at Rocky’s! Feels good to be back in the water,” wrote Lau.
Many sympathetic noises below the line.
“Nooo zeke! Surfing is dangerous time to get back on the foil!” replied Nathan Florence.
Ouch!” Kai Lenny.
Do you believe danger lurks six feet away? I think pretty true. Nearly taken out by an electric bicycle yesterday while stepping out from behind a car, a staph infection in my leg earlier today had my doc gagging on his lecture that I was a day away from going on a long exciting voyage and I still get a little sweaty at all the near misses in my car.
Surfing, howevs, feels about the safest place there is, the Great White threat in Australia notwithstanding.
have had a few neck and head injuries on the NS.
the looks you get walking up the beach with blood streaming down your neck and chest are pretty interesting.
Heard a story the other day about a guy back in the 60’s (I think) in Newy had EVERYTHING chopped off by falling onto the wrong side of one of those big single fins.
At least looks like he is getting plenty of hydration. Still a wanker
How good is Zeke Lau, said no cunt ever
guy actually fucking rips and charges
And is a complete and utter fuckwit
What are you even talking about? Zeke is not a bad guy.
What am I even talking about? Pretty simple I reckon Zeke Lau is an absolute peanut
Reckoning and knowing from personal experience is two different things.
Got any personal experiences to share?
I have to be cagey what I say here but I have two good mates who have spent time around Zeke and reckon hes completely fucked. One was on tour and spent years battling with him when he was getting there and just cant fucking stand him. The other is well known in the surfing world but I dont want to give away his identity.
Actually there is a third mate who is a very well known free surfer who also told me “he’s a fucking idiot”. So no one on one experience but when three mates tell ya some one is a total cunt I tend to believe them. Just my opinion and if yous all reckon he’s lovely then no dramas we can just agree to disagree?
I know him pretty well. in the water he’s totally focused and it’s all about catching waves and going hard, but on land he’s quite a gentleman.
A bit stoic, but still friendly and easily approachable.
has quite a presence with his physique, Hawaiian features and the way he carries himself…..but all you have to say is “Hey Zeke….blah, blah, blah” and he’s very quick to engage in conversation.
can’t imagine competing against him though. 100% business and very competitive. so your mates know him on a different level.
No agreeing or disagreeing mate. I’m just here for the personal experiences…
nah, actually a pretty nice guy. good family man, courteous and intelligent.
comps are entertainment and compsters goin’ entertain.
Can’t the whole Zeke hassling the shit out of John just be a lesser surfer trying whatever he can to get through a heat? No microcosm of anything, just a guy thinking about points and dollars
Kalani wears a pink sweater and all shit lets loose.
Cool thing is, he was virtually invisible until he got fired from a job. Maybe his first.
Maybe not invisible, just ancient.
Those sweaters are so cool.
What was Kalani’s job at the pool?
How will the Surf Club replace him?
Big crisis.
With Keanu Asing? He’d make the pool waves look even bigger.
He was paid to make the pool look head high.
😂
In Kalanis case danger is always 3′ away
The John-Zeke moment was lame. Great surfing should be the product. Not some tough guy shit that has nothing to do with surfing ability.
Yeah but at the time JJF was getting quite aggressive in asserting pole position at the start of his heats, probably taking cues from Gmed and the like. Zeke ain’t the guy to be flexing on. After that JJF settled back into concentrating on his surfing, so in reality Zeke did him and all of us a favor.
I know it’s an unpopular take.