British public falls into hysterics, savage mockery, as much-loved television presenter attempts to surf The Wave in Bristol: “She couldn’t even get up to her knees on her board!”
Has the VAL-pocalypse taken a new and heretofore unexpected zig in the last few weeks? It certainly appears so with those who have picked up our surfing game later in life are acting uncharacteristically.
The VAL, up until this moment, has been marked by his or her general enthusiasm, lack of care in learning proper etiquette, desire to throw the doors of sliding pleasure open for VALs-in-waiting.
But no longer?.
For in Britain we see much-loved television presenter on the popular program This Morning, Josie Gibson, travel to Bristol, there on the south of the pendulum, to surf The Wave except fell before even getting to her knees.
Previously, her effort would have been cheered by VALs and VALs-in-waiting alike but on Friday, Ms. Gibson was ruthlessly mocked by viewers and co-hosts alike.
One person wrote, “I actually chuckled out loud at Josie falling in.”
Another sneered, “Poor Josie here they’ll put her through anything.”
The country’s famous tabloids piled on next, running headlines declaring “HYSTERICAL” and “FAILURE.”
And is it possible that the VAL and VAL-in-waiting will all round on each other in a spectacular bloodbath?
Probable even?
More as the story develops.
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Minnesota man, self-identifying VAL, becomes hero overnight by saving drowning man, dog: “I believe that it was totally a God thing to have us be surfing and staying out that day and not coming home when we did!”
Unlikely heroes are the best sorts of heroes and about this there can be no debate. Simple men and women not chasing fame and glory but when the bell sounds, when needed, jump into action without considering the consequences but we simply must meet Darby Voeks, 26, of Minnesota.
The local news channel describes him as a surfer, and he was in fact, in Duluth to surf on the day fate knocked but he, himself, does not consider himself such as “he’s still new to the sport.”
Have you ever heard such self-awareness in a VAL?
Such beautiful clarity?
A hero already but the story gets better.
Voeks was at Park Point in Duluth, enjoying a run of early spring swell when he decided to catch one last wave.
“I was supposed to head home to meet up with my girlfriend for dinner and I thought, ‘Just one more wave. Maybe just one more wave.’ I know that what good surfers do is they’ll walk down the pier … and they’ll jump off the pier and kind of get to the main break without having to paddle all the way out there,” he said.
As he made his way down the pier a woman rolled up to him in a wheelchair, frantic.
“I need help.” She pleaded. “Can you please help? Can you please help? My dog is drowning in the water and I think my aide went in after him.”
Voeks let his surfboard fall and sprinted to the end of the pier where he looked and looked, seeing nothing, until a bellowing voice filled the cool air, “HELP! HELP! I CAN’T SWIM!”
Voeks was able to get the man a life ring and hauled him to the stairs.
Next, he spotted the dog and without a pause jumped into the chop.
He swam over to the terrified pup and then swam her back back to the pier, breathing heavily.
All safe and accounted for.
“There were way too many coincidences to just say, ‘Oh, it was right place, right time. Lucky,'” He said. “I believe that it was totally a God thing to have us be surfing and staying out that day and not coming home when we did and wanting to stay out longer and have me decide to just go one more wave, one more wave.”
The first responders have nominated Voeks for the prestigious Duluth Citizen Partnership Award.
“You saved a life today. You saved a dog and you saved a person’s life. We’re extremely grateful.”
World’s greatest VAL.
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The original comment by Noa Deane, who was a mere four months into his post-teen life was ridiculed and moralised by the usual suspects but has assumed a quiet staying power and historical significance.
A brief history of Fuck The WSL: “The backlash against billionaire-backed organisations like the WSL acting as moral arbiters has legs”
The original comment by Noa Deane has assumed a quiet staying power and historical significance.
Fascism is very topical right now, very hot, and I will not throw two cents into the bubbling pot except to say anyone interested in the phenomenon is obliged to read Chapter 51, page 201 of Vasily Grossman’s Life and Fate.
I don’t believe I’ve misqoted him or misrepresented his words. If I have I’m sure he will correct me below the line.
I merely ask (apart from Medina’s revolt), what could be sexier than a genuine recreational surfer revolt against the WSL
Answer: Nothing.
As for what is mere “pageantry” and what is authentic, we will need five years to elapse before history can determine a judgement on that question.
I believe, having witnessed it first hand, that the successful recreational surfer revolt against the proposed WSL contest at Lennox Head, will pass the authentic test.
The other, more performative gestures being championed by Dual World Champion Tyler Wright, we will see.
I have an open mind on the question.
The revolt against the WSL comp at Lennox was about the loveliest, most genuine, inclusive, spontaneous thing I’ve ever witnessed in surfing. It united young and old, guys, gals, poor, rich etc etc.
No-one sought to self-aggrandise or boost their profile. Their was zero corporate sponsorship, virtue signalling or profit motive. It wasn’t sponsored by Rip Curl, not supported by Nike. There were no leaders, no followers.
I loves me a peasant revolt and this was about as pure an uprising against devious corporate control as you can get. Right up there with my fav uprising: the 1917 Kronsdadt Mutiny*.
Most beautifully, when it was done and dusted people put their heads down, waxed up whips and went back to the business of shred, without a skerrick of animosity.
By Prodan’s own measure, this was as good as it gets. It just so happens the organisation he represents was the “oppressor”, and thus surgically excised from his moral calculus.
Of course, much of the power and ready made branding of the revolt came down to the already extant slogan, #FucktheWSL.
If Prodan and Carroll wish to come to grips with anything counter-culture left in surfing, and stop chasing “sad echoes of what was cool” then it’s sitting right there in front of their noses via this simple slogan.
The response of the WSL to the overwhelming rec surfer revolt at Lennox?
Yep. No surprise. Cone of silence.
Bit of bitchy sour grapes sniping from Fanning in his “Getting Heated” ep with Ross.
The original comment by Noa Deane, who was a mere four months into his post-teen life, was ridiculed and moralised by the usual suspects but has assumed a quiet staying power and historical significance.
It’s worth a minor examination.It’s a sliding doors moment.
Then CEO Paul Speaker only announced the changeover from the ASP to the WSL on Sep 12 2014. At the time of Deane’s comments, the Surfer Poll Awards in early December of the same year the changeover hadn’t yet occurred.
It was still the ASP Pipe Masters.
If Deane had said “Fuck the ASP” the slogan would have dropped stone dead into the deep, dark well of history.
Like other outdated slogans such as “It takes a Tour to make a Title” and “world’s best surfers in the worlds best waves”.
How a twenty-year-old Deane was prescient enough to use the new organisations name in his slogan will go down as one of the great acts of future proofing what was left of the counter-cultural spirit of revolt left in surfing.
Which was the whole point: Deane’s missile was aimed at the corporatisation, the bland homogeneity of the Ziff takeover and push to Middle America.
The immediate blowback for Deane was swift, but the usual evangalizing nonsense missed the mark big time.
Fuck the WSL has endured, the blowback is long forgotten.
The results: Deane signed a five year 500K a year deal with Volcom in Jan 2017, not quite the fuck-you money Dane got from Quiksilver, but better than the deal for free wetsuits that Matty Banting signed this year.
No one knows how this will play out.
But the backlash against corporates and billionaire-backed organisations like the WSL acting as moral arbiters has legs, as evidenced by the enduring appeal of Noa Deane’s deathless phrase.
Woz might want to look in the mirror at its own social licence before they ride the woke hobby horse into the future.
Or not.
*Sailors not peasants and brutally suppressed by the Red Army.
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Hero.
Listen: In stunning move, professional surf fans rise up as one, choose Caio Ibelli as champion, seek to wrest levers of control for The People™!
When your great-grandchildren look up at you lovingly, eyes innocent, and ask “Where were you when The People™ regained control of professional surfing?” will you be able to answer them “On the front lines, for you sweet one… On the front lines for you.”
An important question because here, now, is our opportunity to wrest the levers of power away from sullied interests, from private equity firms and born-billionaires.
Project Ibelli was first floated on last week’s The Grit! episode, a brilliant concept from a Boulder, Colorado master of business administration who suggested a way forward.
Have The People™ take ownership of a surfer, Caio Ibelli the obvious choice as he was just recently dropped by Oakley and is the only professional surfer to follow BeachGrit on Instagram, amongst getting robbed in an injury wildcard kerfuffle and has the ire of Gabriel Medina.
In stunning move, Chas Smith didn’t just jabber but reached out to Caio after the show and received an encouraging response. David Lee, per the norm, did the rest of the work.
PROJECT IBELLI evolved from years of witnessing a decline in pro surfing’s chosen path and was spurned by a synchronicity of current events: 1) Caio removing his marquee sponsor’s sticker from his board after being dropped, and 2) the financial market coup perpetuated by Redditors who exposed large hedge funds via the GameStop stock pump. Herein, we immediately recognized an opportunity for an epic controlled-disruption and social statement to be carried out by The Grit! podcast community utilizing grassroots tactics similar to the aforementioned melee on Wall Street.
PROJECT IBELLI’S mission is to take back surfing by crowd-funding support of our favorite surfers, individuals who align with our core values and are often neglected or maligned by “industry” support. To kick off PROJECT IBELLI, listeners of the The Grit! podcast (and the community at large) will be given the opportunity to crowdfund a cash deal to have The Grit! sticker placed on the nose of Caio Ibelli’s boards for the just-around-the-corner Newcastle event.
Want in?
There’s no minimum.
Every time he dips into the competitor’s area, World Surf League CEO Erik Logan will be forced to recognize his gauzy dream has come to this.
Haircut Inspiration profiles all 15 surfer hairstyles, reveals secret to acquiring: “If you’re looking to rock a surfer hairstyle, the first step is letting your hair grow long!”
In a move that both surprised and delighted, Haircut Inspiration profiled the “surfer hairstyle” this month, lovingly detailing each of the fifteen varietals.
The very popular style website placed the look in its “tousled hairstyles” which are “purposefully messy, disheveled, and untidy, but still look the part” and gave an etymological nod, revealing it “takes its name from the stereotype of a hardcore surfer whose hair has been bleached by the sun, soaked in salty sea waters, and received minimal care” before divulging a long-held secret to acquiring.
“How to get surfer hair? This goes without saying, but if you’re looking to rock a surfer hairstyle, the first step is letting your hair grow long. Be sure to resist the temptations to just ‘trim a little off’ when your hair gets to an impractical length, as otherwise, you’ll never quite manage to grow it long enough!”
Then it was off to the fifteen individual representations, in no particular order.
-Wavy texture with high volume
-Messy bun and highlights
-Messy curls lying around
-The surfer messy hairstyle
-Touseled hairstyle
-Undercut surfer hairstyle
-Curly medium style
-Wet iconic surfer style
-Medium straight hair
-Shorter curly style
-Messy surfer hairstyle
-Where are the waves?
-Just outta waves
Fourteen and fifteen appear to be missing but could be greatest surfer in the world Kelly Slater bald and cool mom fab.
