Listen: If Kolohe Andino wins a World Title this year he will throw it in the trash, catch it on fire, stomp away while flipping an all-American bird at professional surfing!

America? F*ck yeah.

I don’t know this for a fact, or because I have spoken to Kolohe lately, but his recent interview absolutely torching the World Surf League’s new and ill-considered format on Brazilian media made me fall in love with him once again.

The two of us have history which you may, or may not, be aware of.

I first interviewed him for a feature on proto-Stab Premium decades ago, taking him to the Ritz-Carlton overlooking Salt Creek, ordered some vodka thing and asking if he wanted the same.

He said, “No. I’m 14.”

On the way home he added, “Don’t worry. I won’t tell my dad you tried to buy me booze.”

Later, after the success of Red Bull’s greatest surf film of all-time, Who is JOB, I secured a Red Bull Kolohe Andino film wherein he would be depicted at the end of his career. Many substance abuse issues, broke, living in his mother’s basement.

Genius.

We shot the first scene and did not receive any more funding. I have it somewhere and it’s brilliant.

But Kolohe is us.

He always has been.

And him ripping in to the new WSL format re-re-re-confirms. He wants a title, an actual title, not some random win at Lowers on some random day.

He, like us, knows “it takes a tour to make a title.”

He, like a phoenix from the ashes is our new North Star.

Did you ever think the lame “takes a tour…” tagline would actually sum up what we’re all about?

Me neither.

David Lee and I also discuss revolutionizing the whole game by sponsoring Caio Ibelli.

The best surfer in the world?

A tight race between he and Kolohe.

Listen here.

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disqus_00d1gIXedO
disqus_00d1gIXedO
5 years ago

i met kolohe in the parking spot at my local on a rainy day about 8 years ago. i skated the block or so down there with my girlfriend-at-the-time’s little 5 year old frother, and his freshly bought ultra-mini rip curl wettie and catch surf 5′ foamie. was gonna push him into a few on the knee high wind slop in the lee of the jetty. i didn’t end up doing so, cuz Brother did. little frother recognized him from some surf video clips, so i went up with him to Kolohe in the empty, puddle-strewn carpark, and said “hey man, the little man here is a fan…blah blah blah” And Brother freaked out with positive vibes. He suited up and took the grom for a surf in knee-high slop, pushing him into waves, just as a rad fucking dude. i stayed dry onshore and smoked a phatty. never been a fan of the exploitative nature of the pro’s who drive in from basically every fucking possible direction to surf and get clips on our days of days; but he had made the drive on a shit day. and the waves were shit. and he was solo, not even with a filmer. and he did that for that young 5 year old kid. he’s the dude in my book.

Firelipe Torpedo
Firelipe Torpedo
5 years ago

CaioCoin 📈. IbelliBurger 📈. I’m still pissed about that injury wildcard Kelly stole from him so he could have his latest “victory lap”. Fuck you commentor.

Beach Grits n Eggs
Beach Grits n Eggs
5 years ago

I’m in for CaioCoin

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago

Is that anything like CoCaine?

Manuka
Manuka
5 years ago

For Kolohe to win the tittle he would have to win at least one event, no?!

bruddah
bruddah
5 years ago
Reply to  Manuka

maybe that’s why he hates the Trestles surf-off so much? The option to win a title without winning a single comp is out the window…

Some Guy
Some Guy
5 years ago

I like when party Pete says I’ll listen later

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
5 years ago

Good luck to the guy but if he was gonna challenge for the title it would have been years ago. Surfs like Kanoa and Kanoa is probably better.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

I’ve always had a semi for Kolohay.
Dirty Water bit the dust ?
Derek always sounded too conscious of his coolness.

Johnny Spiteri
Johnny Spiteri
5 years ago

Sorry … who?
It’s all Italo + Red Bull.
The rest can quietly leave.

Dovakin
Dovakin
5 years ago
Reply to  Johnny Spiteri

Italo belongs in the circus.

channelbottom
channelbottom
5 years ago

I haven’t finished listening to the last one.

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
5 years ago

It’s funny how the pros never address the fact that they are glorified trust fund babies propped up by a sugar daddy though.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

That’d be awesome!!!

Dovakin
Dovakin
5 years ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

*American and Australian pro surfers.

disqus_00d1gIXedO
disqus_00d1gIXedO
5 years ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

i’d be sugared up by a proper daddy. but brother’s a cool cat, on the real. i tend to be distinctly non-pro-ho-esque; yet even so, i gotta claim that Brother acted very magnanimously to a lil impressionable schralp grom. only other cats who i’ve encountered who so magnanimously give back and share love to the little rat groms like he did are locs like bobby and dane. props to Brother!


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