World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater presents… something to the James Bond franchise at the 94th Academy Awards before actor-rapper Will Smith punches out actor-comedian Chris Rock tossing the whole affair into complete madness!


I will tell you a truth long known in surf circles but maybe new to gilded Hollywood. Let Kelly Slater into the room and who knows what will happen.

The Academy Awards has gone on for ninety-four mostly dull years until this one here where the world’s greatest surfer stood between the world’s greatest first person to land a 900 on a vert skateboard halfpipe (Tony Hawk) and the world’s greatest American Olympic snowboard halfpipe champion (Shaun White).

The fact that Hawk and White try to position as “GOATs” in their respective pursuits is utterly laughable but not more so than the Oscars descending into utter madness when the very famous Will Smith socked Chris Rock in the mouth over mentioning his wife Jada in a reference to G.I. Jane and, likely, Slater’s overall weird presence.


What was Slater thinking?

Is he Team Smith or Team Rock?

Will he get blocked from future Oscar appearances like he has blocked so many before him?

More questions than answers.

Open Thread: Comment live as world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater takes the stage at the 94th Academy Awards to hand out nude gold plated doppelgänger to winning actor!


Jamie Civil and his beautiful family.
Jamie Civil and his beautiful family.

In unspeakable tragedy, respected New Zealand surfer dies in front of partner, young daughter, after competing in local competition.

"Everyone is just blown away."

Great tragedy struck on the coast of New Zealand yesterday. Local media is reporting that, yesterday Jamie Civil died yesterday just after surfing in a competition at Aramoana, a beach near the southern city of Dunedin. Civil, 35, had wrapped his heat and decided to paddle back out for another session. Witnesses say he had just finished a ride when he was pulled under water and held down for some time. People both in the water and on the sand immediately rushed to save with with doctors and lifeguards performing CPR and using a defibrillator. He was airlifted out via helicopter but not able to be revived.

His partner and six-month-old daughter were on the beach at the time.

No novice, Civil was in great shape and had won a numerous titles with his brother-in-law Homa Mattingly adding, “He loved the big heavy barrelling waves, would often surf them on his own because no-one else was brave enough to enter the water.”

Lyndon Fairbairn, one of Civil’s friends and also member of the South Coast Boardriders Association told Stuff New Zealand that he had seen him ten minutes before the tragedy and,”He had the biggest smile on his dial, he was happy as. That’s how quickly the ocean can take you. And when it’s someone like Jamie, who everyone respects as a big wave surfer, he’s in 30s, he’s fit, healthy and to be taken, it’s a big shock to everyone. Everyone’s just blown away.”

The South Coast Boardriders Assoc. released a statement reading, “The New Zealand Surfing community lost one of its most respected surfers on Saturday, March 26, 2022 when Jamie Civil drowned while surfing huge waves at Aramoana. These were the conditions he lived for was talented and experienced with and thrived in, making the tragedy so much harder for people to process. Jamie’s partner Courtney and their baby daughter Lenni were at the beach when the incident happened. Jamie loved them both dearly. They had become a perfect part of his world and he loved the beautiful life they created and were building for their future.”

A crowd fund has been set up to support Civil’s young family.

Donate here.

Scot (pictured) vaping. Photo courtesy OCEARCH.
Scot (pictured) vaping. Photo courtesy OCEARCH.

1600 lbs Great White Shark with ideal frat boy name moves into Florida’s warm waters ahead of Spring Break terrifying authorities: “With enough co-eds and alcohol in the mix, Scot could have a smorgasbord!”

Scary times.

It is spring break season in Florida, that time of year when college students and those who prey on college students stuff into cheap hotel rooms from Jacksonville to South Palm Beach, Tampa to Panama City consume much alcohol, attend soirees in less-than-sanitary clubs, day drink, listen to Morgan Wallen and otherwise misbehave.

In normal years it is difficult for the state’s various authorities to control the madness. This year, though, they worry spring break could become a literal, not figurative, bloodbath.

According to the non-profit marine group OCEARCH, an extremely chubby, perpetually hungry Canadian named Scot has moved just off shore in the gulf and is malingering far longer than typical or appropriate.

The 1600 lbs great white shark is a juvenile male, making things that much worse. Per CNN, “The tracker’s records show Scot is a dedicated traveler. He was first tagged in September of 2021 in Nova Scotia – where he was named in honor of the “welcoming and ocean first dedicated people” there by OCEARCH’s partners at Sea World. Scot then traveled a total of 3,910 miles down the East Coast in just 119 days. He has been relaxing around the Florida Keys and Gulf Coast since at least Valentine’s Day.”

While Scot’s razor sharp teeth and undiscerning appetite are causing much hand-wringing, it is actually his name that is most worrying to the aforementioned authorities.

“Any sorority girl away from home and looking for a good time could get lured in, thinking they were simply going on a date with a likeminded fraternity brother,” is the common refrain.

Scary times.

“Pride of Jalisco” Carlos Santana pockets almost $4 mill profit after only two years following sale of Kauai vacation home for $11.9 million!” I know the secret of life.…I am worth more than my house, my bank account, or any physical thing!”

"The most valuable possession you can own is an open heart. The most powerful weapon you can be is an instrument of peace."

The hall-of-fame guitar player behind the warm sounds of his eponymous band, Santana, has sold his redundant Anini Beach mansion on Kauai for $11.9 mill, almost four mill more than what he paid in 2020. 

Santana, who’s moved more than a hundred mill records worldwide and who is mostly famous for the karaoke hits Black Magic Woman and Oye Come Va, bought the 4000 square foot, four-bedder joint on three acres and with its own little trail to the beach, right as the market started to explode courtesy of the pandemic. 

Here’s a taste of the old place.

He ain’t moving far, howevs.

Four miles if you wanna be exact. 

Carlos has spent $20.5 mill on a wild compound twice the size of the old place in Princeville on Kauai’s North Shore, real near to where Andy Irons had his Hanalei Bomber crib (sold for four mill in 2012 ‘cause Andy’s widow was getting hit with 17 gees a year tax plus everything else, now selling for around eleven mill) and where Bruce once roamed in a giant pickup truck. 

The 5121 Hanalei Plantation Road joint has four separate pods connected via a living space in the middle that has a retractable roof. 

Also, has an infinity pool, naturally. 

The previous spent eighteen mill building the place on a $1.6 mill lot back in 2004. 

Carlos’ main home is in Vegas but he digs Kauai for its “serenity.”