Come play with us!

It should come as absolutely no surprise that yet another door in our world is being busted down by Australia’s Ian Cairns. The big wave legend and founder of professional surfing as we know it has never faced a challenge that he could not overwhelm by either brains or brawn or a combination of the two and now the Bronzed Aussie is set to host the very first surf film watch party in Mark Zuckerberg’s Metaverse.

That film, of course, the award-winning documentary Bustin’ Down the Door featuring Shaun Tomson, starring Eddie Rothman and the aforementioned Cairns plus Rabbit Bartholomew and many others.

Cairns says of the watch party, which is hosted by surfing.com in the Party.Space metaverse on Saturday, April 23 at 5:00 PM ET / 2:00 PM PT (9:00 PM UTC), “This is going to be historic for the surf industry. In the metaverse, you will be able to mingle with all the guests and speakers, play games, ask questions, and view the movie on the big screen just like you were at an IRL party.”

Alla Koretsky, CEO of HeyLayer, the NFT marketplace for Surfing.com’s Wave Riders Club NFT launch says, “Everyone at the watch party is approachable. They’ll all be there not only to watch this great film, but to take part in surfing history,” with Chris Almida, Surfing.com Cofounder adding, “What a great way to get people frothing for this NFT drop the following Tuesday by giving a sneak peek at some of the incredible artwork.”

My main question is, how will Ian Cairns look in the metaverse? Popping with muscles striking terror into hearts or an approachable huggy bear ready for love?

A sexy beast ready for anything (see above)?

Something a little more… provocative?

Let’s go find out! Click here!

"Embracing the essence of mid-century modernism."

With a leopard grin, green flare flaring from his slitted eyes and a tiny five-five in socks body that vibrates with excitement and joy, ain’t no mistaking the master shaper Bobby McTavish.

You heard of him?

McTavish, along with pals George Greenough and Nat Young, was instrumental in the shortboard revolution which washed ashore in 1967, slashing two feet off the boards thereby gifting surfers the ability to hit and hang around the lip.

McTavish’s story is a good one: he was a state-of-the-art shredder who quit competition despite giving hell to the heroes of the time, Midget Farrelly, Nat Young and so on, helped create the modern shortboard, turned Jehovah’s Witness, had five kids, invented, way ahead of their time, these epoxy moulded replicas of pro surfers’ boards (called Pro Circuit Boards), went back to longboards, sold the label, made a little cash and made, crucially, some fine real estate investments.

Like this joint at Suffolk Park he’s gonna unload for north of three-and-a-half mill.

Pool, butler’s pantry, views to Cape Byron, “opulent bedrooms, lavishly appointed bathrooms, extravagant master suite”, exclusive, enviable etc.

“Embracing the essence of mid-century modernism,” reads the sales pitch.

It don’t scream mid-century modern so much to me as builder flicked through a few Richard Neutra books, skipped the finer details, and figured he could just do something cubist around a pool and the dumb-asses would call it Bahaus and start referencing Palm Springs.

Prices for houses in Suffolk Park, once Byron’s poorer cuz, have shifted almost seventy percent in two years. To put that into perspective, in 2019, 2020, a million bucks would’ve got you a place like this.

Ironically, McTavish, who’s now seventy-eight, was of that early seventies Country Soul era, surfers splitting the cities and heading to Byron Bay for “full contact rural immersion.”

Cops weren’t into it, but that was half the fun.

From Warshaw’s Country Soul,

“The local police, more for sport than anything, liked to keep the surf-hippies on their toes. McTavish was once yanked from his campsite, thrown bodily into a squad car, and driven to the town barber for a forced military-style haircut—paid for with McTavish’s last ten-bob note. “No crime, no charge,” he later shrugged. “Just hair past the collar.”

Inspect the McTavish House, make an offer, here.

Putting the "Break" in "Make or Break."

Respected surf journalist Sean Doherty delivered an excellent piece, overnight, for the wave propagandist organ Surfline detailing what we assumed had happened at the just-wrapped Bells Beach but also providing crucial insight. Yes, the professional surfers became angry with the World Surf League for the coming cull. Yes, SVPoT+HoC Jessie Miley-Dyer and CEO Erik Logan told them to kick rocks. Yes, Italo Ferreira stormed the judging tower, an event which Doherty described gloriously, but most importantly yes, the crew for the television program Make or Break were there to document… everything.

There in the judges tower before security. There hiding amidst the appropriated scrub brush. There… everywhere. Doherty writes, “These guys have been all over the contest site, and they’re like bloodhounds. The slightest drama or controversy and they emerge out of the sand with a gyro-stabilised camera,” before concluding that maybe just maybe Ferreira was playing up the tower storm for the camera.

And whoa.

Now, many questions must and should be asked. Which of our professional surfers, for example, is interesting? Which will jump off screen and into hearts? Which will fade like that aboriginal face paint applied to the winners’ smiling visages?

Most importantly, though, how can the patented Wall of Positive Noise remain structurally sound once Make or Break airs? JP Currie has smelled this change a comin’ all event long, sniffed a different version of professional surfing and I think he is right. I think that the commentary team, in particular, should recognize that the ground is shifting under their very feet and let the truth ooze out at Margaret because there are certain to be fireworks.

Professional surfers being told to pack their bags and leave the island.

Professional surfers weeping and gnashing their teeth out in the vineyards.

Professional surfers ruthlessly beheading each other in kangaroo paddocks.

We will see it all on Make or Break anyhow and that sort of unvarnished honesty will be expected in the near future.

Time to shine, Joe Turpel.

Time to hand jam.