Putting the "Break" in "Make or Break."
Respected surf journalist Sean Doherty delivered an excellent piece, overnight, for the wave propagandist organ Surfline detailing what we assumed had happened at the just-wrapped Bells Beach but also providing crucial insight. Yes, the professional surfers became angry with the World Surf League for the coming cull. Yes, SVPoT+HoC Jessie Miley-Dyer and CEO Erik Logan told them to kick rocks. Yes, Italo Ferreira stormed the judging tower, an event which Doherty described gloriously, but most importantly yes, the crew for the television program Make or Break were there to document… everything.
There in the judges tower before security. There hiding amidst the appropriated scrub brush. There… everywhere. Doherty writes, “These guys have been all over the contest site, and they’re like bloodhounds. The slightest drama or controversy and they emerge out of the sand with a gyro-stabilised camera,” before concluding that maybe just maybe Ferreira was playing up the tower storm for the camera.
And whoa.
Now, many questions must and should be asked. Which of our professional surfers, for example, is interesting? Which will jump off screen and into hearts? Which will fade like that aboriginal face paint applied to the winners’ smiling visages?
Most importantly, though, how can the patented Wall of Positive Noise remain structurally sound once Make or Break airs? JP Currie has smelled this change a comin’ all event long, sniffed a different version of professional surfing and I think he is right. I think that the commentary team, in particular, should recognize that the ground is shifting under their very feet and let the truth ooze out at Margaret because there are certain to be fireworks.
Professional surfers being told to pack their bags and leave the island.
Professional surfers weeping and gnashing their teeth out in the vineyards.
Professional surfers ruthlessly beheading each other in kangaroo paddocks.
We will see it all on Make or Break anyhow and that sort of unvarnished honesty will be expected in the near future.
Time to shine, Joe Turpel.
Time to hand jam.
all you need is love
I was raised in a flat. Do they even exist anymore? Domain calls them “units”. People I grew up with call ’em “apartments.” Pretentious fucksticks.
I’ve been called worse.
I’ve never heard anyone complain about sore Ovaries. Sorry I’m not as aware as you are Channel bottom.
She perhaps is guilty of ‘oversharing’ but hardly any worse than Griffin telling us how he shat in his wetsuit out back.
I guess my point is that she had a painful body thing happening. She surfed through it to win. Men don’t suffer from that particular problem. Her talking about it publicly means other women know that they are in good company with feeling the things that they feel, and can perhaps be inspired to keep pushing their performance.
As men, perhaps we could not be so harsh about it?
equally unnecessary.
How did we get here?
What do you mean “how did we get here?”
There was this big ‘bang’ 13.8 billion years ago.
Then…
No dangling testes to bruise, as far as my experience goes. Mileage may vary. Ask your doctor before starting crotch-kicking.
It be interesting viewing if the “make or break” crew hang around a carpark before or after a event and ask locals how much they enjoy the Wozzle taking over the break. Negative feedback = drama?
I’m told quite a few WA surfers are hoping for a pro surfer boycott……like the lot them boycott and fuck off!!!!!!!
WA is so schizophenic when it comes to surf contests.
Ever been to Lennox Head?
Ever been to a Turkish prison?
Ever seen a grown man eat a kebab naked?
Do you like gladiator films?
Yeah but in the case of WA, there has been a movement to piss the comp off since 1986, the first year it was held. In Vic there’s massive support for Bells and the only sooking is the occasional whinge about the contest site.
If the wsl came to your beach and locked up most of the car park 3 weeks before their event even begins you.d be pissed off too.
Always more and more they demand ,more breaks , more events , then the pros all cry and bitch how they hate Marg’s anyhow
What a load of shit the wsl is and the sooner it “breaks” the better .
Then off to expose and ruin gland next
Fuck the wsl!
I hear ya, I actually check before I travel that there is no contest on any scale being held at my desired location. The worlds full of cunts but I don’t have to go and surf with them.
I got a job in Japan in 2005 and the only lengthy holidays I got back to Tweed Heads were in Feb/March. 15 fucking years of dealing with every pro and pro parasite. How fucking happy you reckon I was when they cancelled Snapper? Fucking cartwheels for miles not having to deal with the pro circus on my holidays home.
Just wait and see how pissed of you’re gonna be when you realise it’s actually a year-round affair at Snapper these days.
yeah I can only imagine. I haven’t been home since August 2019. Planning a trip back in September. Can hardly wait…
yehh I agree, I don’t mind the pro tbh, but when they bitch about the waves and the region, it’s not worth the sacrifice to have them here.
Someone told me the other day that the writers festival brings in more money than the pro, and for someone who’s worked in tourism for a decade down here, I believe it.
The point “locals” 80% born outs side of WA love whinging about the comp but equally love telling anyone that will listen why some pro lost and how he should be their coach.
Seriously, how hard you reckon it is to be a coach? “Righto mate, catch 2 good waves in 30 minutes. Cheers, that’ll be 10% of your winnings thanks.”
“Ethan, if there’s no waves coming to where you are at, move somewhere else”
“Ethan, remember mate we went through this at crayon time this morning. Catch a wave and stand up. No sitting for 30 minutes like it’s potty training. Catchy wavey.”
I’ve wondered this…..what the H does a surf coach do exactly….OK, play zone???
It’s the biggest scam since paid porn. These guys/girls are in the best 0.00001% of the globe’s surfers – they’ve all been surfing for 15 years plus (if you include the teenagers on tour), some closer to 25. What the fuck is some bloke (they’re all blokes…) gonna whisper in their ear about surfing a 30 minute heat that they don’t know?
“Catch 2 good waves. Don’t go the shit ones. Big first turn. Big last turn. Use priority to block if you’re up in the last few minutes.” There’s your playbook. Done.
Everyone needs someone to bounce thoughts and inner monologue off. Get your best mate, your girlfriend, your dad. A fucking “coach”? Please. And notice all these “coaches” are blokes who never got anywhere near the top. How does that work exactly?
“Yeah, I never got anywhere near the top. A couple among us never even made the tour. Your surfing shits all over mine. But I’ll be your coach.” Righto. Fuck me.
Chas, you’re really the biggest WSL fangirl.
You somehow managed to make the show appealing. Hope they’re paying you good coin!
My time observing the WSL has taught me that when they make a change, it’s almost exclusively for the worse
Am I really going to fall for this drivel? Probably and sadly yes! https://youtu.be/VZzHejJAbfQ
And Fonzie rev’s up the Harley, stares down the ramp, hits the throttle and Jumps the Shark.
Aaaaaaayy
is that it? Oh dear, it’s an ultimate surfer spin off.
There actually turning the tour into a reality big brother TV show?
Oh wow
I wonder if Tyler kept re-applying the Aboriginal face paint throughout the day and into the night. I wonder if she still has it on now. My intuition says there is a good chance.
I never heard of anyone upsetting their ovaries surfing.
C’mon dude. Sorry to be boring but Women’s bodies are not Men’s bodies.
Different physiology, different experiences.
I don’t think she claimed that surfing was the cause, but more that she was working hard to keep going through the discomfort.
Crappy website but easy summation:
https://www.verywellhealth….
Contrived drama is the only way to float this boat because they are not after the surfing.
Suggestion to the film crew…. during a particularly lully heat, send in the mechanical shark to buzz the lineup, then “interview” the contestants about their close call with death.
release the sharken…
This happened during the final day at lowers. A shark sighting that nobody saw. All to add drama to the show
I hope people see the cut and “make or break” for what it is. This is thier last attempt to get the WSL to stick. If it fails the gravy train is over. The tour as we know it will be liquidated.
But again, surfers could very easily own their tour, but I think they are more into the idea of easy money.
Fuck, imagine it ends up like bodyboarding!
Get up, stand up
Stand up for your right!
Yeah, so just like we found all your best waves first, we already did this whole tour debacle with the IBA. Only difference is Daddy Ziffs wife like fucking pokey tip riders, so in order to actually get his dick wet, and win cool points with his friends he paid cash for the ol Wozzel. Which is why no one in the main office gives a fuck about what surfers think about the tour. Guess most of the pros are cool with that if it keeps their surf adjacent real estate paid for. Harsh reality will set in if the show tanks though. Tour is already listed for sale too
“Pokey tip riders”!
First heard it from some hawaiian friends and now its too goofy not to use regularly.
It’s pretty horny
Bodyboarding is radder than surfing ever could be. 50year old Kelly still the hope for mainstream success. A 35 year old strategy that has always failed.
Please tell me the cameras were there to document Kaipos “preparation routine” before entering the booth/water for his commentary.
“Special K”
‘Dometic’
Quite the wordsmith Smith.
Its pretty much wake up, write an article as quick as possible, post, move on to something that makes money. Repeat the next morning.
You think he even considers checking the surf, Barrelled?
I don’t so I’m guessing no.
I’ll assume he yawn-patrols it on the mid-length about the time the sea breeze kicks in.
that’s funny
Dude is parasitic. Shit writer. Can’t surf for shit. Looks like an ice head. Sensitive as fuck. Missus is a 5
I heard pro surfing was the new Bitcoin.
They’ve called it the Retardo.
Kelly’s all over it. Musk hasn’t gone near it.
It is estimated that each Bitcoin transaction uses around 2100 kilowatt hours (kWh), which is roughly what an average US household consumes in 75 days. When this energy is supplied from non-renewable energy sources, cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin can generate exorbitant greenhouse gas emissions. -Google
Ugh I never would have gotten into crypto if I knew what it was gonna be like trying to file taxes today…epic shit show
WSL camera crew dont have access to their own event.
Kill em make or break.
Can you imagine being the producer/director in the truck or room ?
Being told what to present. It cuts across everything that’s great about live ob and a fucken slap in the face for all the production crew.
So you’ve got a heat running but you’ve been TOLD to focus on Toiler for 7.5 mins while she makes a political statement. That’s just sooooo fucked on so many levels it’s unbelievable. To this day I can hardly believe that it happened, but it did.
Hope Make or Break focus on woozl rather than the surfers.
That’s the real story of this shitshow.
WSL would have cut away from Will Smith
WSL would have cut away from the moon landing.
“It’s a small step for man coz I didn’t warm my testicles up.”
thank Jeebus you have testicles because ovaries are very fickly and painful if you surf mushy waves. Things I have learned from Bells.
How can she possibly think anyone needs to know any of that bs.
She’s totally self absorbed. Slater pales beside her.
Somebody went to the moon? No shit!? Can’t wait to see the pictures/video. They made a movie once, but you could tell it was fake!
Stay tuned!
Not if the astronauts planted a rainbow flag instead of the American flag.
WSL cut away whenever a set is approaching.
The production has never been reverent to the surfing, so it’s just a new compromise.
You’d have to be special to put up with that level of control from management.
special needs.
I think all these calls are made by the Government appointed agency that signs the cheque that they give too Ziff?
I’m sure calls to run the event, especially towards finals, are not a decision by JMD. Like webcast directives, these are decided ‘upstairs’ and then trickle down. She’s just the bearer of bad news, a spokesperson at best.
It would be fascinating to know the process of how so many shit decisions have been made.
I’ve been saying that ever since KP had the job. He was nothing but a fall guy, designed to be the public face of shitty calls as the WSL transitioned to a commercial-interests-first strategy when choosing when/where to run each day. You could almost see the pain in his eyes sometimes when trying to sell the reasons for running/not running. Then eventually he started flipping the bird at the WSL by announcing the call on air and 5 mins later slotting in to massive Box pits in front of the whole crowd to show everyone how fucking wrong the real decision-makers were.
Yeah that was a pretty fun event call-wise