"Wow, that escalated quickly…Elon gets it! Looks like we've got our new billionaire."

The Santa Monica HQ of the WSL was thrown into turmoil earlier today when it appeared the world’s richest man, Elon Musk, had thrown his muscle behind a surfer boycott of Margaret River as well as deep changes to the World Surf League, the not-for-profit organisation owned by fellow billionaire Dirk Ziff.

You’ll remember, three days ago, both sides of the pro surfing gender divide revealed as united in their hate for this year’s mid-year tour cut.

The cut, which erases anyone below 22 in the men, ten in the women, comes into play after the next event at Margaret River; for slow-to-start tour rookies it means their career in the big leagues is over before it’s even begun. For Owen Wright, the biggest name to fall, it spells the end of fifteen years on tour.

Following a series of tweets from photographer Peter King, Musk appeared to reveal he was on the side of the under appreciated lower-ranked surfer.

“Wow, that escalated quickly…Elon gets it!” wrote King. “Looks like we’ve got our new billionaire.”

A prank, of course, from the clever and always funny Mr King.

But plenty to think about.

As in, what would Kelly Slater say, do, if Elon worked the levers?

Long-time readers will recall the pair’s savage blood feud from one year ago when Kelly put Elon to the sword for suggesting that Tesla might sell its store of Bitcoin, a decision that would probs send the price of the crypto-buck spiralling downward.

“So a guy who owns an energy company doesn’t understand this stuff before he buys it?” wrote Kelly. “Has no problem taking the profits. Does he have an issue with kids mining cobalt in the Democratic Republic of Congo to build batteries? He could probably address and potentially help solve the real energy issues (68 per cent of the energy produced in the US, for instance, is wasted … seems like a bigger issue to me which would solve any BTC problem).

“I think Elon’s board and backers hate crypto and what it’s doing for the average investor and pressured him to put out a statement which they knew would inevitably tank bitcoin. I hope the SEC is taking a good look at this (and all of them who might be buying the dip today and this week in their private accounts). Interesting times. But Elon is bad for crypto.”

Also, what would a tour, propelled by Elon’s cash reserves, look like?

Eight surfers, each with private jet?

One-day events at Cloudbreak, Teahupoo, J-Bay, Namibia, Pipe etc?

Substance and meaning!

The Eternal Sunshine of Erik Logan's Spotless Mind.

I woke this morning too early, the grey still hovering in southern California’s unseasonably chill dawn, and my first thought was “I wonder what Zoë Kravitz wore to Coachella yesterday?” quickly chased by my second thought “Did the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach run to its finish?” A quick snag of my phone off of vintage bedside table, swiping up to unlock, clicking on browser, opening dear BeachGrit and seeing the wonderful Open Thread Comment Live post crowning all.

It did run, but to its finish?

I scrolled directly to the comments, to you, to realize no, it did not but more importantly, Italo Ferreira had apparently stormed the judges tower in a blind rage while, if I read correctly, World Surf League cameras swung away to focus on an interview with Tom Carroll who was reading from his 1981 diary in a sensually-lit masturbatorium (?).

Insane.

Absolutely incomprehensible.

Now, I’ll surf journalist and get to the bottom of this story, spooling it out over 10 – 15 delightfully whimsical episodes, but in the meantime, how but how would a rare bit of drama not be the absolute focus of the broadcast? A former champion incensed, heated, on the march but no. Too… what? Real? The staid and buttoned-down NFL, NBA, MLB only turn the cameras away when a fan has taken to the field and running around (so others don’t get encouraged, I suppose). Otherwise, every fight, altercation, screaming match, shove, etc. is documented, commented upon, examined from multiple angles.

Professional surfing, apparently, too family-friendly, though, to show frustration in real time.

What makes it even more wild is the fact that Make or Break, the much ballyhooed upcoming television program documenting the World Surf League’s championship tour, has access to this sort of business. No way a producer/director in her/his right mind would take on a project and not be guaranteed full entry. I am certain the interaction was documented and will provide a thoroughly dramatic moment when the show airs.

Now, one would think that the main benefit of a Make or Break, from the WSL’s side, would be to pull viewers over to the championship tour broadcast, maybe even enough viewers to charge a subscription fee or at least obtain real sponsors. What happens when these viewers come, though, expecting to see bull rushes of judging towers but are instead met with masurbatoriums and the patented Wall of Positive Noise?

I’m going to direct/produce a new series that really really shows what goes on in professional surfing. It will be called The Eternal Sunshine of Erik Logan’s spotless mind.

Less as the story develops.

Rub your heady gristle against pro surfing's stiffening dingus!