"It sucked. I hated it honestly."
Much like Sarah Lee, nobody doesn’t like Conner Coffin. The Santa Barbara darling, and professional surfing mainstay, was a wonderful surprise in the 2021 season, making it all the way into the top five ahead of “Final’s Day” at Lower Trestles and making Morgan Cibilic look foolish with his well-rounded style.
The ceiling very high, headed into the 2022 season except… things did not go quite as planned.
Coffin stumbled out of the gate at Pipeline, losing to specialist Barron Mamiya, lost again at Sunset to a resurgent Caio Ibelli, did just fine in Portugal but then came undone in the first round of the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach, an event that he should dominate.
With that loss, and another bad result at Margaret River, the beer enthusiast was kicked off tour as the World Surf League’s much-ballyhooed mid-season cut took effect. To make matters even stickier, Coffin is the surfer representative, having to stand in the gap, as it were.
Well, sitting down with the WSL’s Chief Strategy Officer Dave Prodan, recently, Coffin pulled no punch. He describes how his tour fate was decided by “waist high onshore shit Winikipop.” How the waves were garbage, more or less, the first five events, crushing livelihoods. Dealing with the hatred, amongst his professional surfers, about the cut. “It sucked. I hated it honestly. Big price to pay…” he ends with as Prodan giggles uncomfortably, eyes wide, mouth, framed by well-manicured beard lightly agape, then tries to re-spackle the Wall of Positive Noise by calling this year’s G-Land “really good” before casting blame on magazines of yesteryear for poorly representing the early “dream tour” as all fantastic.
Spice occurs around the 43-minute mark and may even get hotter but I ran out of listening time though… ouch. Three-alarm fire.
Zing.
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Boo hoo. He had the same opportunities that everyone else who made and didn’t make the cut had. Does anyone have a Nail I can borrow?
I avoided the Festival like the fucking plague when I lived there. Mind you I was super broke, didn’t work at any venues, and was more concerned with travelling back and forth to Livingston skatepark at the time.
Much like Sarah Lee, nobody doesn’t like Conner Coffin.
Chaz’s writing is usually lazy and full of misplaced cliches but that one was pretty good
What? No comments about me hanging out in the background?
Nothing about how I may or may not have crushed Conner’s dreams?
Disappointment. Sadness. I expected more.
Sure…Connor a good little surfer…but his brother plain out surfs him by a country mile with rotations…airs and unpredictability.
Yeah Parker rips
Sweet Sixteen
I remember only yesterday…
You were bathed in swaddling clothes
And held up high in your Daddy’s arms
On that sunny day you were born…
But now you’re sweet sixteen
Chasing a future and chasing the boys
Remember sweet sixteen…
At sixteen there are romantic dreams
And wishes which come true
But only those you created,
Remember sweet sixteen…
Tomorrow is another day
another dream, another boy
And for all those guys up on the wall
Me and them would give it all
To have you by the arm,
Remember sweet sixteen
Choose your path and make it right
Stand by your heart and with your dreams
And with a little bit of luck
You’ll keep on with your illustrious life,
Remember sweet sixteen…
But through it all, come good or best
When all your dreams come true
Don’t forget the guy who loves you most
Who’s loved you all along…
When times were hard and times were tough,
I’ll always remember, and be with you…
Long before and forever after…
You were Sweet Sixteen…
with love, dad
Weird even for you.
my daughter is 31.. shes’ read this…once or twice/
I’ve been considering giving you some time out. Love ya, but BG isn’t or shouldn’t be your personal diary. A lot of nonsensical posts unrelated to anything in the conversations, content or context.
More killer, less filler?
signed out…best!
You better not even think of leaving BG Dane. I’ve never understood a word you’ve written but somehow I’ve come to not only love you but need you. Your ramblings are like a Chinese riddle…totally undecipherable and yet total balm to my parched and lonely soul. Please don’t go…
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Sandlot
My earliest memories were of the tree section, Maple Avenue, Manhattan Beach. Waiting for Dad to come home. Watching Red Skelton with my Mom on black and white. Whiffle ball bats and a train set.
The neighbors were also remembered. The Shields’, the Griffins’…a slip and slide…
But what influenced me the most were the trivial games. Baseball, puzzles, and memorizing surfboard stickers.
The sandlot was on an inverted hill; the puzzles were penciled mazes on graph paper. The stickers were Harbor, Clark foam; later perfected by a cartoonist named Murphy-
Pictures, later reinforced the latent memories. Then, stories of the tree-house. Dave’s tree-house. Again, earliest memories; I was 3 years old…
Want to add anything Dave? Allman Bros, Sandy Koufax, your Mom’s martinis…beef stroganoff…whiffing weed thru strawberry hill-filled bongs.
Let the games begin…
A hallmark card…for a friend lost too early.
Sounds like a mixture of the Goonies and A Christmas Story and bit of my childhood as well. Drank Strawberry Hill by the gallon and have so many good memories of High School parties out in the woods of Florida rocking up with three bottles of
Boone’s (never thought to take rips out of a Boone’s filled bong though, you got me there!). My friends always drank 8 Ball and I hated the taste of that shit but wouldn’t turn my nose up when it was the only option. Anyway, sounds like you are somewhere around 15-20 years my senior…I was born in ’73. Love you brother, and the note to your daughter touched my heart as I have two of my own, regardless of what mean ole Negs the grumpy old school marm said (love you Negs). Keep on keepin on Dane Sushi Sauza, your riddles are always highly anticipated, at least by me…
hippy!
was a great ride…carry on! todos comprendo’
I ain’t cutting you, and no offence meant it might just be me not comprehending your approach and commentany style.
But I do worry if you’re doing alright?
If he goes, I go. Sorry to use my massive leverage like that but I have to do it. I’m sure you can understand
You do you, I’ll do me.
A little bummed you didn’t say that in reverse. I’m starved for affection and that might just have given me something to live for…
If he had just dropped that secret turn it would have been a vastly different story!!!
Only his self to blame
but he “plays” guitar and digs the old classics, isn’t that worth something? I jest, it’s not.
If I was Connor, I would be on Tav working a real job, boatman.
Who needs these terrible WSL venues?
Connor , the most boring pro surfer since Julian Wilson all white bread
Is that a Star Trek top he is wearing?
or:
“Coffin buries former employer with brutal honesty”
“Coffin slaughters chief exec. in a moment of truth”
“Coffin lays out his old boss with a verbal death blow.”
c’mon Chas!
Dave: “We just cut your ass from our tour, hasta la bye bye! So tell us, bud, now that you’re just a surf fan, who are you rooting for at big Chopes?!
Conner: ?
Dane got a last minute wild card…he traded it in…
Honor Clay/
Maybe Conner and Joe can sit around a fire and write a song about it
It’s a deal!
Its a repo mans golden years again.
Specially round SB. Monteceito
GREAT JOB SATISFACTION
WORK YOUR OWN HOURS.
$€$$$
Is it happening that quickly?
most of my idols don’t, or ever did…surf…
but back then I had a purpus, tho…
did idolize that Jacob’s 6’8″ I designed and John Lessing shaped…
my so-called ‘buddies’ who rode plywood, styrofoam, cut-offs, re-furbs with stripped glass and duct tape…
then called me out as the ‘rich kid.’
hell, at the time…we couldn’t afford wetsuits! or surf trips…
Time to move on to the next phase of his surfing career. Smashing boards at the Bu.
*Rincon
Jen See and Conner can be the new regulators. “You backpaddle me and you aren’t getting any of my homegrown organic tomatoes”
See, even Dez doesn’t listen to these podcast things but still writes about them.
That said, I’m sure everyone feels terrible for him having to settle back into daddy’s houses in Montecito and Hollister Ranch. Poor guy.
So much anger at his successful dad. How dare he?
He had an even more successful grand father from what I hear.
Mid season cut? final five? Deciding the WORLD TITLE at Trestles? The Surfers Representative should probably be Bobby Martinez.
I believe he’s managing a tennis tour somewhere