Filipe Toledo (pictured) the cowardly lion.
Filipe Toledo (pictured) the cowardly lion.

Terror, now fully occupying Filipe Toledo’s mind, moves to small-wave maestro’s lion-adorned heart as “itty-bitty Tahiti” called off for two more days!

4 of 10 days gone...

A menace is headed for Tahiti, a lurching, growling horror that takes the form of angry water that will, when it arrives, buckle over Teahupoo’s famed reef, looking to chew up and swallow anyone in its gaping mouth. Teahupoo, currently, appears paradisiacal. Soft winds blowing over impossibly blue water. Verdant cliffs climbing skyward.

Little waves breaking fun.

As we all know, though, thanks to our World Surf League’s official forecasting partner, all of that will change with the arrival of a “double-overhead+” swell due to arrive in the latter part of the Outerknown Tahiti Pro.

Current world number one, Filipe Toledo, must certainly have an eye on the models while maybe pleading with the WSL’s deputy commissioner to get underway as soon as possible. He is, of course, a small-wave maestro, the best surfer in the world on waves under three-feet, but what about when waves get large?

I suppose we don’t really know as he often bravely refuses to paddle.

Thankfully, for him, none of this really matters. He has a dominant lead in the rankings and is a lock for “Final’s Day” at never-scary Trestles and the only indignity he will suffer, if he doesn’t commit to the maw, is a thoroughly tattered reputation which begs an interesting question: would you rather be world champion or highly regarded?

In any case, the World Surf League, calling the event off in two-day-at-a-time chunks makes me wonder if they are paying the commentary crew only on days that they show up to work.

Cost saving.

The world’s poorest billionaire Dirk Ziff using Joe Turpel’s per diem to buy his own coffee.

Economical.

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Wayne Lunch
Wayne Lunch
4 years ago

Let there be swell !!!

mike m
mike m
4 years ago

It’ll be a beast on Wednesday, with almost no wind.
A beast on Thursday too, but with 20mph offshore winds.

So excited!

Errrrgh
Errrrgh
4 years ago

Perhaps use “raises the question”, not “begs the question”.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
4 years ago

Peak troll on this one, Chas. Impressive.

Wowen Ilson
Wowen Ilson
4 years ago

Limp Bizgrit
Keep trollin trollin trollin…

Nikola
Nikola
4 years ago

Unlike true accomplished surfers like Kelly Slater, you will never see Filipe or Medina invited to the Aikau.

They don’t belong there.

benkei
benkei
4 years ago

I think Felipe will do just fine. He will never be one of the best in big waves, but he came a long.way from 2015.

As long as he handles mid range scores, he got nothing else to prove.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
4 years ago
Reply to  benkei

He’s got to prove that he worthy of being a World champ at all the tour locations. He certainly has nothing to lose by packing a few at Chopes.

benkei
benkei
4 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Yeah, but you are not expected to be the best at all locations.

Hardly nobody is..besides maybe Slater in his glory days.
So a few good rides at Chopes will do it.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
4 years ago
Reply to  benkei

Lets not pussy foot around. You’re expected to be a charger, someone that pushes their own performances into something special at any wave on any given day to WIN.
Name the last World Champion that didnt do that?
He’s one of the best Surfers in the World, with an amazing read and feel for unique lines. I’m not a hater, I just want to see his Surfing hit the roof and translate his skillset into heavier reef passes.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
4 years ago
Reply to  benkei

JJF, Gabby, Italo, Andy, Mick…all were capable of winning any event. Slater actually sucked ass at beachies in Europe and Brazil (ironic, given he grew up in FL), which cost him 2 to 3 more titles.

Repenter
Repenter
4 years ago

Can there be a petition to get an asterisk next to Kelly’s titles for the years he did poorly in brazil?

Blade
Blade
4 years ago
Reply to  benkei

You’re a kook mate

Blade
Blade
4 years ago
Reply to  benkei

Bull shit

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago

Filipe: “C’mon Jesse!!! 2 feet is MORE than big enough. It’s fine! It’s FINE!!! Let’s just run quickly NOW!!!!”

Toe Jurpel
Toe Jurpel
4 years ago

Let’s keep my name out of your mouth this time, Charles, please – Strider handles all coffee duties at Chopes

notsurfingtoday
notsurfingtoday
4 years ago

I think the bar can be generously raised to “the best surfer in the world on waves under six-feet”.

Nikola
Nikola
4 years ago

< 6 ft is Brazilians’ heaven. Otherwise they struggle.

Água Viva
Água Viva
4 years ago
Reply to  Nikola

Right… Medina, Chumbo, Italo, etc… they struggle so much.

Blade
Blade
4 years ago
Reply to  Água Viva

Actually they do ,..chumbo excluded. They don’t “love it “ like the Aussie boys …they just don’t

MyGFsChinese
MyGFsChinese
4 years ago
Reply to  Blade

Medina doesn’t struggle. Have you ever watched him surf? You’re out here calling people kooks for defending Medina’s surfing? You’re the kook. What “Aussie boys love it” besides Robinson? How many Aussie world titles do these boys have? Zero.

Stop posting you embarrass yourself and other Aussies.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
4 years ago

I wonder if the window became small enough they’d roll straight into elimination heats?

Michael Flatlately
Michael Flatlately
4 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

2 hour super heat on 21st

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
4 years ago

Like a WWE Royal Rumble. That’d be great, actually.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
4 years ago

Your third to last sentence is very economical in both subject and structure.
Your last sentence even more so.
Such economy of writing is impressive in an age of often unnecessary overindulgence.

Have you ever run a professional sporting organisation ?
Perhaps Dirk would be better off with you, and your efficiently economising ways, managing his wife’s hobby while also keeping his accounts looking healthy…

justiceminister
justiceminister
4 years ago

He’s been a lock for the shoot out at the OK Corral at Tresles for some time. If it’s get really big there is no point in him or more importantly WSL risking their prized asset. Expect a declaration of recurring shoulder problem, or any other factoid, to save the day from a catastrophic incident. Alway a possibility in that neck of the woods.

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago

And that is exactly why the new system/format is flawed.

Firelipe Torpedo
Firelipe Torpedo
4 years ago

Shots firelipe’d


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