Preview of the Taiwan Open longboard division.
Preview of the Taiwan Open longboard division.

World Surf League on extreme edge as U.S. Speaker of House Nancy Pelosi visits island nation of Taiwan thereby infuriating China ahead of upcoming Taiwan Open of Surfing!

Tensions high.

Geopolitical waves smashed into the Santa Monica headquarters of the World Surf League, last night, as Democrat Nancy Pelosi touched down in Taiwan for what was billed as a “visit.” As you might know, the island nation, officially called the Republic of China, is very much claimed by the other China across the straight, officially called the People’s Republic of China.

A little history lesson for those of you, here, whose parents pulled them out of school in order to follow a competitive professional surfing dream.

Taiwan and China were both part of the same Qing empire until Taiwan was absorbed by the Empire of Japan after defeating the dynasty in 1895’s First Sino-Japanese War. Following Japan’s own defeat in World War II, Taiwan was returned to China which, at that point, was called the Republic of China. Except, civil war raged in that land, the Chinese Communist Party bashing up against Chiang Kai-shek and his nationalists. The CCP, fronted by Chairman Mao Zedong, was beating the the nationalists good and so Kai-shek up and fled to Taiwan in 1949 with much gold and many people and the two have been angry with each other since. The People’s Republic of China claiming Taiwan as its territory, theoretically. The Republic of China (i.e. Taiwan) claiming it is independent and chill.

Pelosi’s visit, in any case, inflamed tensions with China, People’s Republic not Republic of, which began conducting military exercises close to the island. According to Bloomberg, “The exercises threaten to disrupt shipping and airline routes in Taiwan, one of the world’s most-crucial suppliers of computer chips. Several airlines are planning adjustments to their flights, while pilots of Hong Kong’s Cathay Pacific Airways Ltd. were advised to carry 30 minutes worth of extra fuel for possible rerouting in Taiwan.”

What’s worse, they may disrupt the Taiwan Open of Surfing set to get underway this November 13 and carrying with it 3000 points. The World Surf League has already lost the Quiksilver French Open, this year, due a lack of “financial support” and the loss of this second, important event would be devastating.

It must be assumed that CEO Erik Logan and Senior Vice President of Tours, Head of Competition Jessi Miley-Dyer are burning the midnight oil and working the phones, using their clout to preserve the fragile peace.

Viva them.

Sexy Tizi gobbles Great White.

Sexy food vlogger cooks and eats juvenile Great White shark; posts video to delight of eight million followers, “It may look vicious, but its meat is truly super tender!”

Spectators watch as Tizi lays down beside the Great White to illustrate its size, slices it in two, barbecues the tail then boils the head in a spicy broth!

The food blogger Tizi has delighted and thrilled her eight-million followers by cooking and eating a juvenile Great White shark, a protected species even in her native China where exotic animals are regularly enjoyed as delicious treats. 

Tizi, who posted the video on Chinese streaming channel Duoyin, collects the Great White at a fish market in Nanchong, a city in Sichuan Province. 

Spectators watch as Tizi unwraps the fish, lays down beside it to illustrate its size, even if small by Great White standards, slices it in two, barbecues the tail then boils the head in a “spicy broth.” 

The food was shared with the locals, who unanimously praised the rare meat. 

“It may look vicious, but its meat is truly super tender,” says Tizi.

She’s getting a little heat now even though she says she got the animal legally, farm bred, which don’t happen, cause nobody can keep a White in captivity longer than a week before they start belting ‘emselves against the wall of a tank.

The local agriculture bureau says Tizi’s farm-bred claim was “inconsistent with the facts.” 

Five-to-ten in jail if she gets done. 

In other videos, Tizi has eaten an ostrich and an insanely cute baby croc.

Igarashi (pictured) celebrating?
Igarashi (pictured) celebrating?

Former champion Kanoa Igarashi suffers shock defeat at world’s most popular surf contest, babbles incoherently due emotional devastation afterward: “It was kind of a loss-loss situation for me, to be honest.”

Many tears in Surf City.

Kanoa Igarashi, Olympic silver medalist and the face of competitive professional surfing, suffered a shock defeat at yesterday’s US Open of Surfing in Huntington Beach, California. A “monster” hurricane swell had whipped up the brine up to 6 – 8 ft (Surflines) as fans nervously chewed fingernails, fiddled with worry beads.

Igarashi, currently number six in the world and just outside the Lower Trestles exciting “Final’s Day” draw, fell to Cole Houshmand and Tristan Guilbaud only mustering a combined score of 10.36.

“I don’t know, my head just wasn’t in this contest,” Igarashi told The Los Angeles Times afterward. “We have a really big event coming up next week, so for me, it was kind of hard to lock in this event. I just surfed a pretty bad heat, honestly. The waves were really hard today. I wish I would have stayed in, because the next few days will be good, but it is what it is. It was a tricky one. If I had made the finals here, I wouldn’t have been able to surf in it anyway. It was kind of a loss-loss situation for me, to be honest.”

The journalist, Matt Szabo, likely scratched his head at what “loss-loss situation” could possibly mean though must have chalked the incoherent babbling up to devastation.

The “really big event coming up next week” is, of course, the OuterKnown Tahiti Pro presented by Landfills.

While Igarashi was very sad not to win the “most popular surf contest in the world,” World Surf League announcers were, certainly, lightly relieved at not having to parse the one-time Huntington Beach local’s true “hometown.” As you know, the 24-year-old was raised in Surf City though laid claim to Japanese heritage ahead of the Olympics and now maybe lives in Portugal or some such.


In other utterly surprising news, Kolohe Andino also loss-loss’d.

Many tears.

Open Thread: Comment Live, Day Five US Open of Surfing as hurricane swell lashes Huntington Beach!

Julian Wilson (pictured) sad.
Julian Wilson (pictured) sad.

Thoroughly heartbroken surf fans openly sob, without embarrassment, on city streets as relic of surfing’s glory days Julian Wilson fails to advance at world’s most popular surf contest!

Bummer days are here to stay.

A mere hour ago, fans of competitive professional surfing around the globe thrilled at the possible return of our glory days. Julian Wilson, one-time golden boy, the “Conquerer from Coolum,” was set to paddle out at the world’s most popular surf contest, currently underway in Huntington Beach, California, and usher in a new era of hope and prosperity.

Our heroes once surfed the “Dream Tour” and we thrilled at their exploits.

They were once sponsored by august brands like Quiksilver, Billabong, RVCA and we wore their clothing.


The dream tour has died and we are left with a handful of scrappy Brazilians attempting to punch their ticket to Lower Trestles.

Lower Trestles.

Quiksilver, Billabong, RVCA are all one brand that will soon belong to notoriously stingy Vans. The company making heaps of money but loves, more than anything, not paying market value for extreme sport athletes who toil in the action salt mines.

And, thus, Wilson paddled out with the weight of time’s past, a possible new age of Aquarius and was thusly defeated by Ryan Callinan and Taichi Wakita in waves neither you nor I would surf unless we were going to get grounded for refusing.

Taichi Wakita.

It’s over. All over.


Also, as a child, what is the longest you were ever grounded?

Two weeks?

One month?

On paper, I think I was grounded for the back half of my entire high school campaign.

Anti-anti depressive.