As well, "table and chairs for dining"!

It is difficult not to ladle superlative upon superlative when describing Nathan Florence, the middle brother of that storied clan, which also includes his two-time world champion and Olympian brother John John and little bro, the skate shredder Ivan.

Nathan Florence, who is twenty-eight and named after the son of the Hebrew King David, is widely regarded as the “world’s smartest surfer”, which ain’t much, I know, a very shallow pool indeed. Like the best white linebacker in the NFL or best Jewish sprinter or wielder of the biggest sword in all of Thailand.

Still, how many pro surfers were gobbling novels when they were six and who’ll reference French author Guy Sajer’s seminal wartime novel The Forgotten Soldier?

Nathan is the the most engaging of the three brothers, and gets his quirky, literary side from his Daddy John, I think, who wrote in his tell-all memoir eight years ago.

“I am natural flirt. I enjoy making people smile, chuckle, laugh. I am very sexual by nature. I was raised that way. I have always enjoyed the whole sexual innuendo sort of suggestion in general conversation. Something that would make a person raise an eyebrow while giving a sly knowing smile back. Very sexual in every way to a fault or not, I am not sure but this is simply how I interact with everyone from passengers at my tables to coworkers, friends and girlfriends.”

Anyway, Nathan has listed his gorgeous North Shore condo at the Kuilima Estates East community, four miles east of Pipe.

The two-bedroom loft was designed “provide guests with an elevated design aesthetic with a feel-good comfortability.”

The amenities, writes its famous owner, “are incredible. It features a television, large sectional couch, free Wi-Fi, ceiling fans, air conditioning, table and chairs for dining, and a day bed. The kitchen is fully equipped and features a stovetop, dishwasher, water dispenser, Keurig coffeemaker, microwave, plates, bowls, cups, and utensils. Furthermore, in the community there is a pool, charcoal BBQ area, tennis courts and gazebo.”

Book it for nine days over Christmas and it’ll cost a reasonable seven thousand American dollars.

Inspect, book, here.

Tough minimum sentencing laws mean Grant “Grub” Coleman faces a minimum sixteen years if found guilty of killing the surf star.

The man arrested over the alleged one-punch killing of the wildly talented surf prodigy Chris Davidson has been hit with a second charge of “intentionally choking a person without consent”. 

Davidson, forty-five, was allegedly punched in the face by Grant “Grub” Coleman outside the South West Rocks Country Club at around eleven pm on Saturday, September 24. Davo fell, hit his head on the pavement, lights out. It’s such a common event in Australia, a country that has wrestled with violent booze-fuelled attacks for its modern existence, that many bars now feature sponge rubber outside their doors.

Sources close to BeachGrit allege the pair had a run-in at the bar and that Coleman was allegedly thrown out by the club’s security.

Anyway, paramedics treated Davo at the scene and he was taken to Kempsey Hospital but pronounced dead a short time later.

Coleman, a junior footy coach in the coastal hamlet five hours north of Sydney, was arrested at his nearby home thirty minutes after the attack and hit with the initial charge of “assaulting Davidson causing his death.”

Coleman, who is forty-two, was refused bail and has been remanded to Sydney’s notorious Silverwater prison. 

Last time I was at there visiting a pal another inmate was getting murdered. As I strolled out of the gates, happy to feel the sun on my face and with the freedom to jump in a car and drive thirty clicks back to the beach, an ambulance was roaring into the compound to pick up the bloodied corpse. 

Many years earlier, I visited the Surf Travel Co founder turned drug smuggler Paul King at the same prison.

Gonna be tough for Coleman. 

The charge of “assault causing death” is one of those rare offences where minimum sentences apply, the law coming into play after a series of highly publicised attacks where men were killed after being belted, all late at night, all alcohol fuelled. 

If Coleman pleads guilty or found guilty of “assault causing death” he faces a max of twenty years in prison, twenty-five, if he was intoxicated, with a minimum sixteen year total sentence, eight of ‘em in full-time custody. 

Kelly Slater, who famously lost to Davo in two consecutive heats at Bells Beach in 1996, wrote “Lost another soldier yesterday. One of the most naturally talented surfers I ever knew.”