Whites and Indians, notorious for stiffing surf instructors in Bali.

Bali on knife-edge as adult learner surfers, chiefly “Caucasians and Indians”, swarm the island bringing hitherto unseen “dirty haggling tactics”

“After the rental hour is up he asks for a discount, if he does not get a discount he takes his money with him!”

The dramatically gorgeous island of Bali, a spinning-top shaped paradise at the mid-point of the Indonesian archipelago there, is under siege by adult learner surfers, report local news sources.

Bali’s surf instructors say they are shocked by the adult learners’ “dirty haggling tactics” with one instructor, Jack Basri, noting that learners from India are the worst he’s ever encountered.

Basri, who is fifty, has been working the Kuta beat since the eighties. He was eleven when he hit the sand with his cooler and drinks; now he owns and runs a surf school and rents boards.

Better pay, same bullshit.

He charges ten bucks an hour for the lesson, three bucks for the board, an amount, he says, infuriates his Indian customers.

‘They are bidders, the price is too crazy when it’s finished. Then after [the rental hour is up] he asks for a discount, if [he does not get] a discount the money is taken again with him.”

Another teacher, Aris Julianto, twenty-eight, said it ain’t Indians but the whites who try and stiff him for cash.

In response, Julianto has fixed his prices though, he says, it don’t stop the pale-skin savages from trying to cut a deal.

“Caucasians are also bidding a lot, so we (set) it at the fixed range of IDR 200,000 (USD 12.80),” he said.

I remember, once, age seventeen, refusing to budge fifty cents north on the price of an already arranged fare to Uluwatu on the back of a motorcycle.

At one point the village surrounded me and those famous smiles turned upside down, a move that quickly halted my charge.

I counted the notes into his hand, noting loudly “It seems to me you’re a pretty tricky driver. Very bad man” before galloping away, pride intact.

What’s the most you’ve stiffed a poor brown man in a third world country?

San Diego area surfers (left) attempting to woo famous first daughter Emily Ratajkowski (right).
San Diego area surfers (left) attempting to woo famous first daughter Emily Ratajkowski (right).

Hidebound San Diego area surfers thrown into mass confusion as famous first daughter Emily Ratajkowski declares she “doesn’t really believe in straight people!”

Bombshell from a bombshell.

The greater San Diego area, and its surfers, by extension, is not typically known as a hotbed of progressive thinking. Of rootin’ tootin’ norm-bustin’ liberalism. No, the coastline from Oceanside down through Carlsbad, Encinitas, Del Mar, La Jolla until San Diego proper is what might be described as “generally conservative,” and not necessarily in a political sense.

Things are done, here, like they were done before. A dawn patrol chased by a coffee and donut. Some light work selling medical devices. An evening session chased with an IPA. Entertainment revolves around catching Chris Cote performing music at the Belly Up or Chris Cote hosting comedy night at the 1st Street Bar. Date nights happen exclusively at Herb and Sea, man ordering roasted oysters and bone marrow followed by a wood grilled steak, woman opting for the roasted baby carrots and plancha fired branzino.

Watching the kids play soccer, dad wearing an old Chargers jersey, mom a wide-brimmed hat, dominates the weekend.

Its a simple lifestyle that has been passed from grandfather to father, father to son and traditional, though famous first daughter Emily Ratajkowski pitched that all into the air hours ago in a wildly scintillating new interview.

Ratajkowski, who hails from Encinitas and was rumored to be bringing Brad Pitt here, suddenly has the region’s men wondering if they should try the branzino, women pondering oysters, everyone reflecting on Chris Cote, wide-brimmed hats, etc.

For according to Fox News:

The newly single mother, 31, spoke with Harper’s Bazaar for their November issue about a TikTok trend she participated in, which jokes that women who own a green couch are bisexual.

When the outlet asked if the video had any truth behind it, Ratajkowski replied, “I think sexuality is on a sliding scale. I don’t really believe in straight people.”

“My girlfriend came over and was like, ‘B-h, have you seen the green-couch thing?’ She was laughing at me because my green couch is so big,” she explained of the joke.

The model went on to say that she wants to have fun with herself without feeling like a “bad feminist.”

“I want to be able to have fun with how I present myself in the world without feeling like I’m a bad feminist or a good feminist,” she said. “Duh. I don’t want to be a part of your club if you don’t want to have me. It’s fine!”

Straight people not real?

San Diego area surfers in for a lot of soul searching tonight. Soul searching plus IPA.

Why, for example, did they so desire a glimpse of Brad Pitt?

More as the story develops.

Australia’s Mad Max-inspired Surf Lakes, dubbed “celebrity” wave pool by press, set to open to public for first time!

Come one, come all!

But if Kelly Slater was to wave a magic wand above your head and grant you admission to one of the world’s wave pools, which would you choose? His eponymous Surf Ranch, there in the cow stink of Lemoore? The tank formerly known as BSR deep in the heart of Texas? Wales’ original Wavegarden? URBNSRF very near Melbourne’s airport or the Mad Max-inspired Surf Lakes planted right in Yeppoon?

If I can offer some advice, I’d say to pick Surf Ranch, as it is a hard/expensive ticket to come by, exclusive, and not exactly open to the public like Surf Lakes just yesterday announced it is planning to be.

Per the press release:

The site, located midway between Rockhampton and Yeppoon, has been in use since 2018, but being a prototype, has served only to successfully prove, test and improve the capability of Surf Lakes unique wave making technology. To date, invitations to selected guests have been extended to enjoy, and provide feedback, on the incredible surf experience on offer.

“We are extremely happy that Surf Lakes International and GSP have been able to come to an agreement whereby a significant community asset may be finally opened to the public,” said GSP Business Development and Media Director, Wayne Dart. “Having worked with Surf Lakes over the past few years to develop and manage the in-water experience, we know just how incredible the experience will be and we know that the technology is by far and wide the best in the world.”

The press has dubbed Surf Lakes a “celebrity” tank, as opposed to Slater’s Surf Ranch, which feels a fairly heavy repudiation.

Who is more famous, Mark Occhilupo or DJ Diplo?

A no brainer.

Medina, little sis Sophie and guy-pal Jair Bolsonaro, inset. | Photo: @gabrielmedina

World surfing champ Gabriel Medina turns to song following pal Jair Bolsonaro’s shock loss in country’s presidential election, “I wish I could spend more time with the people I love!”

"When you're 95, one hundred years old, you'll look back throughout your life, you won't think... I wish I had a better phone...."

You’ll recall, four years ago, when livid surf fans blamed three-time world champion Gabriel Medina’s exit from that year’s Quiksilver Pro on his friendship with Brazil’s right-wing president Jair Bolsonaro.

Medina, who seemed to have the Quiksilver Pro’s balls on the point of his knife exited in a dull quarter-final with a sub-ten point two-wave total.

His fans, of which there are many millions, blamed the controversial Bolsonaro, with whom Medina and his guy-pal, the soccer player Neymar, had been trading video messages.

Now that the tinsel has fallen off Bolsonaro’s Christmas tree, losing the country’s election to leftish rival Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, although he has yet to accept defeat and remains in the presidential residence in Brasília, Medina has turned to song as a balm to the loss of a friend, mentor etc.

In a poorly tended back yard, although a little lawn seed and water would quickly amend things, Medina sits with his sister Sophie, the pair crooning as Medina adroitly handles a three-quarter sized acoustic guitar.

“It’s not the best voice and we’re not the best musicians, but it’s the best feeling, being with the one you love,” writes the three-time champ. “When you’re 95, one hundred years old, and you’ll look back throughout your life, you won’t think… I wish I had a better phone…. I either want to spend more time on the internet, or I want to spend more times at work or sleeping. Won’t be any of those things It will be… I wish I could spend more time with the people I love. @sophiamedina always together my little one who’s grown up. Hahaha ❤️ 🥰 I love you so much.”


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Previously, Bolsonaro had said he faces three alternatives for his future: prison, death or victory in next year’s presidential election.

Exciting times.

Nervous surf fans flock to bookies, candles in hand, as Kelly Slater comes in eighth on official betting odds to be Gisele Bündchen’s next beau; Pete Davidson, Jason Momoa top list!

A Halloween miracle!

All that candle lighting, it appears… is working! Not working perfectly, mind you, and it could be working much better, as I imagine some out there are yet to participate, their windowsills unwaxed, but let us, the tried-and-true, count our small victories this morning. Our inch-by-inch gains.

Namely, sports’ books have officially released odds on who Gisele Bündchen’s next boyfriend will be and our Kelly Slater is currently EIGHTH!

As you know, well, rumors began percolating early in the month that not all was well between the Brazilian supermodel and her then-husband Tom Brady. While the news, later confirmed, was sad, surf fans secretly hoped for a grand reunion between Bündchen and the world’s greatest surfer and began quietly lighting candles by windows for such. Hope sprang as she seemingly sent many signs to Slater, saging her car, visiting a faith healer, and the aforementioned surf fans began imagining, even seeing in minds’ eyes, the most handsome couple strolling various beaches hand in hand.

And now we have official odds.

According to betonline.com, the comedian Pete Davidson is the favorite to land Bündchen’s hand at +1200. The actor Jason Momoa is second at +1800 followed by Leonardo DiCaprio, John Mayer and Neymar all at +2000, Chris Evans and Bradley Cooper at +2500 and then our Kelly Slater at +3300.

Now, Davidson is a good bet, as well as Momoa, but I think we can rule out DiCaprio (Leo’s Law), John Mayer (Taylor Swift’s effective smear), and Neymar Jr. (Gabriel Medina). I don’t know much about Chris Evans or Bradley Cooper’s relative attractiveness, but nothing greater than Slater. Nothing a few extra lit candles can’t solve.

If you have yet to spark a flame, please do so now whilst on your way to your local bookie.

It’s Halloween, after all.