In wild last-minute boilover, Brazilian superstar Gabriel Medina wins in first contest back since world title ending knee injury; scuttles Moroccan’s world tour dream!

The King is back!

For all the asterisks surrounding Filipe Toledo’s world title, no John John, another failure at Teahupoo, Finals Day in two-foot waves thereby hobbling any chance Jackie Robinson would win, the most glaring might be the absence of three-time world champ Gabriel Medina.

Medina made a sensational return to the pro tour in 2022 following a six-month break for “emotional issues’ after splitting from wife Yasmin Brunet. He banked semi-final finishes at El Salvador and G-Land, but was forced to pull out of J-Bay with a tweaked knee. 

Down but not out, as you’ll see.

Medina, who will be twenty-nine next month, proved his ability to turn a contest at a whim earlier today when he won the Corona Saquarema Pro, stealing a last-minute victory from the Moroccan surfer Ramzi Boukhiam.

The victory scuttled, at least for the time being, the Moroccan’s dream of qualifying for the Championship Tour.

Boukhiam, a tall splendid creature with dark and enormous eyes and flesh that ripples into bronze ridges, now has to turn up the volume at the Haleiwa event in a few weeks to make the cut.

“He’s (Boukhiam) such a great surfer,” Medina said after the final, sinking breathless into a divan, his body continuing to move in rhythm with his heart. “I hope he can make it to the tour, he deserves this. He’s one of the best to surf in a QS event and I can’t wait to see him on CT waves.”


“Best heavy wave surfer in the world," says Strider Wasilewski. | Photo: @nathanflorence

Surf world dumbfounded as handsome brother of US Olympian who shucked surf fame for Only Fans riches rides what many are calling “the best barrel ever” at remote Irish reef!

"Foam Ball Ride of the Decade!"

Nathan Florence, brother of US Olympian John John, has knocked the surfing world for six after shucking what some big-wave surfers are calling the “best barrel ever.” 

Florence, who is twenty-eight and whose couronne of red hair is masked by the bleaching effects of sun and salt, rode the wave at a remote Irish reef on November 6, the swell generated by the remnants of Hurricane Martin. 

“When riding the lightning all comes together!” says Nathan. “One of the rides of me life, thanks all local boys for having me in their beautiful land and inspiring always to send!”

 

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A post shared by Nathan Florence (@nathan_florence)

 

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A post shared by Nathan Florence (@nathan_florence)

Compliments were quick to follow. 

Mark Healey, no stranger to oversized waves, wrote, “You may have my two favourite backhand tube ride ever.”

From WSL commentator Strider Wasilewski, “Best heavy wave surfer in the world.” 

Tube hunter Brett Barley, “Foamball Ride of the Decade.”

Dorian, “Sheesh epic!!”

Pipe Pro runner-up Seth Moniz, “Best Barrel ever.” 

Florence’s brother, John John, older by two years was quick to collar tie the middle bro of the Florence triumvirate, writing with a masterfully droll wit, “Could’ve been deeper.” 

If you’re wondering, Nathan’s on an eight-five Pyzel Padillac, set up as a thruster not a quad and the protuberance from his mouth is a miniature POV camera, although that footage has yet to be loosed.


Wild ruckus at Makua Beach as white gal, pictured left, told to beat it.

Police called as race war erupts on secluded sands of Oahu’s prettiest beach, “Threatening people is not a movement…my daughter is Hawaiian and she’s never been treated with such disrespect!”

Apartheid comes to Makua Beach!

You’d be hard pressed to find a more inviting stretch of sand as Makua Beach over there on Oahu’s westside, the rainless leeward coast where Sunny Garcia was born and where Greg Noll famously rode his last-ever wave.

It ain’t an easy or an obvious find.

You gotta drive past Makaha, the road narrows, ain’t no shacks or development, and head towards Yokohama Bay. The sunsets are divine, you can camp there, and if you want to swim with happy marine creatures, turtles and dolphins abound. Tiger sharks, too, but use prudence when approaching.

The Makua Valley, beach to the mountains, holds a special place in the hearts of Hawaiians as the birthplace of man, Makua meaning parent. Also believed to be the kick-off point for souls travelling to the afterlife.

A recent race-based imbroglio has cast a long shadow over the peaceful Makua Beach sands, however, after police were called following what one woman, @_ladyshark, is calling a race-based attack, the woman recording the aftermath for her 10k followers’ enjoyment.

It’s all very entertaining, as these things usually are, and no one escapes the event with clean hands or with dignity intact.

Question: where do you stand on these matters, indigenous owners of land given a slice here and there where they can frolic without the stench of whiteness or is public land for all, including the distant descendants of the hated colonialists?

 

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Last remaining vestige of once-great Surfer Magazine bucks “woke” culture, returns to butts n boobs heyday by launching “Surfer (The Girl)” contest featuring scantily clad women who don’t actually surf!

What would Tyler Wright say?

The World Surf League (founded 2015 circa 1976) has gone all in on one thing, this past year, and it is not quality waves on tour. No, we are back to Surf Ranch, Lower Trestles, etc. for the upcoming 2023 season but it will be equal junk (save number of surfers) between men and women at each of the stops.

Equal prize money, equal opportunity, equal equal.

So equal, in fact, that tennis great Billie Jean King is said to, now, be aware of surfing in all of its equal glory.

Equality for the win.

For those new to the sport, this equal may seem natural but there was once a dark time (1980 – 2005) when the women were mostly expected to trot the stage in skimpy bikinis and “win” leering looks from men in the audience.

Decidedly un-chill but the last remaining vestige of once-great Surfer Magazine, Surfer (The Bar), has decided to revisit these troubled times by launching the Surfer (The Girl) contest.

The publication, which folded in 2020 after purchase by the aptly named David Pecker, had ambitiously launched a few watering holes one of which still exists in Jacksonville, Florida. And now we have that establishment launching a butts n boobs contest. None of the participants appear to actually surf, the hope for winning relying solely on physical assets.

A few are holding skateboards.

One a Golden Retriever.

But will hurry and place your vote? Click your tongue in disgust? Other?

It must be noted that Rip Curl is a major sponsor of the event.

What would Tyler Wright say?


Surf fans squeal in disbelief as Tom Brady signals shock support for Gisele Bündchen, Kelly Slater rekindling legendary romance!

New chapters.

The ink is now well dry on Tom Brady and his official ex-wife Gisele Bündchen’s divorce documents. The books on thirteen years of marriage officially closed. Surf fans, as you know, have been watching the dissolution closely. Oh divorce is never a desired, or hoped for, outcome of any happy union but whispers are that the quarterback great and his Brazilian supermodel have been “living separate lives” for years and wouldn’t at least her separate life be better spent with Kelly Slater?

The two, famously, dated for some very successful months between 2005 and 2006, both reaching pinnacles of success in their fields. Bündchen the highest paid supermodel on earth during that time. Slater winning two of his eleven world titles and surf fans dreamed of a return to Camelot.

Certain worries have presented themselves along the way. Namely, that Pete Davidson opened betting season as Bündchen’s next beau followed closely by Hawaiian stud Jason Momoa. Slater fell  to eighth (+3300) but the fact that he was on the list at all drove the perpetually hopeful to bookies, lit candles in hand.

Another, how would Brady react to his ex and Slater’s almost inevitable rekindling?

Well, the quarterback showed much poise in a victory over the Los Angeles Rams, yesterday, and then declared in a press conference, “We (he and Bündchen) wish only the best for each other as we pursue new chapters in our lives that are yet to be written. We kindly ask for privacy and respect as we navigate what is to come in the days and weeks ahead.”

Only the best?

New chapters?

Surf fans rubbed their eyes, re-read and squealed in disbelief.

All roadblocks, save Pete Davidson, suddenly cleared. The gilded path almost wide open.

Light candles for Davidson and his rumored longed for reconciliation with Kim Kardashian please.

We’ve got this.