A lost art. Photo: Eastern Promises.
A lost art. Photo: Eastern Promises.

Oahu enforcer charged with harassment and second-degree terroristic threatening: “He was calling me all these racial slurs telling me because I’m haole, and I’m white I’m not allowed to be at this beach because this is where his ancestors are!”

It's hard out there for a local.

Any surfer who knows anything about anything knows that the practice of “localism” has changed drastically during the past few decades. Certain waves used to have reputations and outsiders were not welcome, infractions in the water were dealt with through or threats of violence.

Waxed windshields. Broken fins. Busted teeth.

And nowhere did this way of life, hierarchy of respect, present itself more poetically that on the Hawaiian islands. From Kauai to Oahu, Maui to the Big One, keeping folk in line was a way of life and time honored tradition. Those who didn’t belong in lineups didn’t paddle out, or if they did, and failed to learn the consequences of their mistake naturally, would be taught on the beach by men with names that struck fear.

Well, times have shifted and now we have influencers attempting to decapitate locals at Pipeline with no penalty.

Cop calling Gogganses creating a free-for-all hell.

One brave man on Oahu’s west side, though, decided to buck the trend of worrying about lawyers this and lawsuits that and enforce the traditional way.

Samson Souza, or Brother Sam, is a native Hawaiian who posted up on Makua Beach six months ago after becoming infuriated by vans full of tourists coming to swim with dolphins. A sign declares “No Commercial Activity,” but was not being policed, and so Brother Sam took it upon himself.

“Swimming with the dolphins, which is against the law. They take pictures of this place and some of them put it on their websites and make money off of it,” he told Hawaii News Now.

Visitor Emily Silge heard about his quest, though, and became real mad. “Well, I had heard there was a guy down at Makua threatening people so immediately pulled right up next to them and got out my car and said you cannot be threatening people. He was calling me all these racial slurs telling me because I’m haole, and I’m white I’m not allowed to be at this beach because this is where his ancestors are.”

A few other similar instances led the Honolulu prosecutor to charge Brother Sam with harassment and second-degree terroristic threatening. He now must appear in court on Dec. 28 and get all in trouble and stuff.

Quick question. Is “haole” really a racial slur?

But also, David Lee Scales had a wonderful idea that the homeless population encamped on many west side beaches should be shipped to the North Shore this winter so they can do the enforcement in return for being sheltered in the Volcom House. A good idea but will Brother Sam’s charging negatively affect the roll-out?


We discussed various plans plus the new, reimagined Pipe Masters on this week’s chat, in any case.

Worth a listen.

Open Thread: Comment Live on the wildly controversial reimagined Pipe Masters!

Barrel + air!

Photo: WSL
Photo: WSL

Surf Journalist caught flatfooted as Kelly Slater named “top surf influencer of 2022!”

How was I to know?

Not being allowed to follow Kelly Slater across various social medias has finally but finally sunk its pearly white fangs into my bottom. When the 11x World Champion originally blocked me, BeachGrit, Derek, my wife etc. on Instagram, Facebook etc. some time ago, I initially thought “Ha! I don’t need to follow you to see what’s going on. I got friends, man. Friends who screenshot. Friends who email. Following is so 2012.

And I would get those screenshots and I would feel that I was up to date on Slater’s various musings and goings about.

Alas, it appears I was only being served a portion of the pie, a little bite size of reality, for the truth has revealed that not only is the world’s oldest Pipeline Pro, he is also 2022’s top surf influencer.

According to important social media ranking site Starngage, which “tracks a total of 830 influencers in the United States with between 1000 and 10 million followers,” Slater came out on top.

Once an 11x champion, always a champion.

Nipping at his heels, in second was Bethany Hamilton followed by Alana Blanchard and then the business goes fuzzy, asking for a sign up to “view the full list.” Since the Indian flag hovers proudly on the banner of the site, I declined.

Oh, I have nothing at all against India. I once flew to Bombay with my best friend in order to search for the headwaters of radical Islamic fundamentalism. The journey was going to be filmed and sold to television but we quickly realized the budget had been compromised so tried to buy a monkey, in order to give him or her freedom in a famous monkey temple in Pakistan, but buying monkeys had been made illegal and the monkey black market was full of crooks and charlatans.

After that things got better. We ditched the film crew in Delhi by sending them to the Taj Mahal while we raced to the train station and booked tickets to the farthest hill station possible then railed to Calcutta and toasted the future.

India is fantastic.

Heading back soon, with Derek, to deal with another crook-ish charlatan-esque website that is not involved in influencer rankings but will certainly steal this story.

Adventure forthcoming.

Explosive allegations rock surf world on eve of Hawaii’s most prestigious surfing contest the Vans Pipe Masters, “They straight-up copied Da Hui’s Backdoor Shootout!”

“And, if John John Florence and Kelly Slater aren’t in it, is it really a Pipe Masters?”

Koa Rothman, the middle son of North Shore enforcer Fast Eddie Rothman and brother to big-wave world champion Makua, distinguishes himself among surfers, and media, for his candour.

A few years back when there was a there was a commotion over a minor wrestle between the Hawaiian Tanner Hendrickson and Brazilian Michael Rodrigues that ended with Tanner being fined and disqualified from the Pipe trials, he described the WSL as “a bunch of fucking corporate pussies…Are they fucking out of their minds?”

Rothman also said Rodrigues was a “pussy” for calling the cops.

Not long after, Koa posted a provocative pre-North Shore winter message telling surfers he’d be “going on whatever wave I want at pipeline. So. That being said, there is only a few people out there that I will not drop in. So. Yeah. No hard feelings. I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m just letting you know now that is what is going to be happening. So have a great day and watch out.”

It was a gauntlet beautifully thrown. 

Now, the twenty-nine-year-old with the golden-brown glazed handsomeness, has gone after corporate shoe maker Vans for their “reimagining” of the iconic Pipe Masters, which’ll likely run this Saturday. 

In an explosive piece to camera on YouTube, Rothman accuses Vans of copying the format of the Backdoor Shootout, which his family runs each year, of turning the event into a shoulder-hopping air contest and of inviting surfers who, by any measure, shouldn’t be surfing Pipeline. 

“They invited a lot of people who’ve never surfed Pipe,” says Rothman. “If John and Kelly aren’t in it, is it really yet Pipe masters? If I won, I wouldn’t consider myself a Pipe Master.” 

As for his own inclusion in an event he disowns, Rothman says the opportunity to pocket the one-hundred gees first place cheque is incentive enough. 

After only one day, the post has accumulated a stunning almost-nine hundred comments, all taking Rothman’s side. 

Gilmore (pictured) with new stablemates. Photo: WSL
Gilmore (pictured) with new stablemates. Photo: WSL

Surf idol Stephanie Gilmore signals stunning career pivot, signs with talent agency famous for representing Alex Jones, Simon Cowell and Blink-182!

Real fame and/or notoriety await!

Stephanie Gilmore is, truly, a surf icon. Winningest female competitor of all time, very picture of grace and flow, hero to boys and girls everywhere. Last season, you certainly recall her basement-to-penthouse run through the World Surf League’s Finals Day there on Lower Trestles’ cobbled stone. Eight million (and counting) fans watched her dispatch one challenger after another until hoisting the trophy at the end.

And she will start this 2023 season as the one to beat except might her focus be slightly shifted? Not so surf-centric? In a stunning move, it was revealed days ago that the eight-time champion has signed with the YMU Talent Agency. According to film industry source Variety:

At YMU she will be repped by the group’s LA-based executive manager Alex Frankel, who will work with Gilmore across film, entertainment, publishing, IP and brand development, live events, marketing, digital and social strategy and Web3. Frankel will also work with Gilmore’s manager and sister Whitney Gilmore and NC Management’s Nikki Craig to oversee Gilmore’s surfing and Olympic agenda.

“I met Steph when I played at Australia’s ‘Big Day Out’ music festival in 2009,” said Frankel. “Since then, it’s been a pleasure to watch her become an eight times world surfing champion and Olympic athlete – as well as to use her platform to advocate equal pay for female athletes. It goes without saying, but it’s a true privilege to represent Stephanie in this next chapter across literature, film, music, brand endorsements, and whatever else she dreams up. On behalf of the larger YMU team, I enthusiastically welcome Steph and can’t wait to add value to her already astonishing career.”

Literature, film, music and wow!

Making sure Gilmore is in good hands, I searched through YMU’s roster and was shocked to discover they represent Alex Jones.


Further searching, though, learned me that Alex Jones is also a female Welsh television host not only a controversial founder of InfoWars.

YMU also calls The Voice judge Simon Cowell, the pop punk band Blink-182 David Walliams and Matt Lucas its own.

Did you ever watch Little Britain starred in by Walliams and Lucas?

Very funny.

Bravo to Gilmore and I am excited to watch her silver screen turn.

And/or bombastic fire starter one.