Blue Cake. Photo: @sensitiveseashellcollector
Blue Cake. Photo: @sensitiveseashellcollector

Living surf legend Kelly Slater reveals special “gangster name” to rapper who “doesn’t like movies with a bunch of gays in them!”

Introducing Blue Cake.

The social media-based name generator phenomenon has been around for quite some time now and we have all played and chuckled and shared. What is your pornography name? Use the name of your first pet plus the street where you grew up. What is your horror movie name? Use your favorite brand of dishwashing liquid plus the shoes you are currently wearing. Etc.

The most popular in the genre, though, is “what is your rap name” and/or its twin “what is your gangsta name.” There have been many ways to determine, through history, but a new one has just been floated by the the rapper Bryson Gray who burst on the scene in 2019 by introducing the #MAGAchallenge wherein he had his followers make rhymes in support of then president Donald J. Trump.

Gray, who recently tweeted, “When will Hollywood realize that normal people don’t want to watch movies with a bunch of gays in it,” a position that was enjoyed by the living surf legend Kelly Slater, announced “Your gangster name is the color of your shirt and the last thing you ate. Who are you?”

“Black boneless chicken wings” was his own.

Slater, quick to respond, was “Blue cake.”


While not initially catchy, Blue Cake lightly grows with time and might have legs. The surprising thing, I suppose, is that Kelly Slater eats cake. I have never been a fan, much preferring pie to cake, but where do you think the 11x champion was? A child’s birthday party? John John Florence’s house?

Currently more questions than answers but while we are waiting for them to materialize what is your gangster name?

I am “Baby Blue Banh Mi.”

West not caring about surfing. Thank you, Next
West not caring about surfing. Thank you, Next

Kanye West and Australian wife currently holed up in Nobu’s “adult oriented Malibu retreat” just down from Miki Dora’s stomping grounds while $57 million surf-front home is renovated!

But surfing?

The sun is currently shining in Malibu and though the surf is 1 – 2ft at First Point, there’s always a taker or seventeen. This iconic stretch of coast is deeply embedded in our history, from the brave pioneers who first trespassed upon that sacred land to Miki Dora to Laird Hamilton.

And now Kanye West and his Australian wife.

You may have not known the very famous rapper, and onetime husband of Kim Kardashian, became re-married, and to a sheila to boot, but it is true and the happy couple was ready to move into his 2021-purchased $57 million home but it is under renovation and what to do?


Check into the Nobu Ryokan.

According to the website:

Drifting above the Pacific, the Nobu Ryokan Malibu is a triumph of architectural carpentry and subdued hospitality. This intimate 16 room, adult oriented retreat honors the traditional Japanese Ryokan, featuring teak soaking tubs, indoor/outdoor fireplaces, serene outdoor patios, timeless artwork and gracious accents. Seamlessly blending traditional Japanese minimalism with the elegant flair of the California coastline, this discerning sanctuary boasts a rich, natural aesthetic and an ethos of pure tranquility.

From the moment you arrive, the unforgettable views of Pacific Ocean and tranquil landscaping sets the tone for a private oasis. Exclusivity and privacy are foremost, with an emphasis on low-key comfort and high-end indulgence. A host of luxurious amenities awaits you, coupled with gracious service and Nobu comforts.


And you wanted to eat the rich?

For shame, for if you have ever had Nobu Matsuhisa’s sushi than you would know it tastes much better than, I imagine, Dirk Ziff.

Hamchi with jalapeño.


Back to the hotel, though, it is but a short jog to First Point though it appears that West and his Aussie are simply “hanging out, working together and playing board games.”

Not surfing.

Even with an Australian in tow.

Has the wave crested?

Celebrity interest in our sport of kings no longer du jour?

Hope springs?

Larry Haynes and his last-ever wave. "He had an incredible life right to the end! He couldn’t fit anymore into his life than he did!” | Photo: Larry Haynes

Legendary surf cinematographer Larry Haynes filmed his last-ever wave before collapsing and dying in beach carpark minutes later!

“He caught this beautiful wave and he rode it for a long time and by the end we were cheering and yelling and crying…”

If you knew Larry Haynes, like I knew Larry, you’d know this beautiful man with the extravagant, well-used smile would’ve loved to’ve gone out with his boots on, as they say.

Four days ago, Larry died of a suspected heart attack while crossing the road after a surf at Laniakea on Oahu’s North Shore, and only a couple of weeks after capturing the most dramatic water footage from the epic Eddie Aikau Invitational.

A Californian transplant who moved to the North Shore thirty years ago and who was sixty-one, Larry was without peer.

“To me, Larry is a precious character in the surf world and a living legend,” the photographer Rob Gilley wrote for Surfer. “I have seen him shooting wide-angle in-water film at giant closed-out Off The Wall, Backdoor, Maverick’s, Teahupoo, and Waimea. I once was in Australia with him when he shot wide-angle water movies at the sharky Easter Reef when the faces of sets were 25-foot. Before GoPro existed, Larry used to surf with a 10-pound camera attached to his head—a camera that would break your neck if the lip hit you unexpectedly. The guy is a human bulldog.”

“The man is a staple in our lives,” wrote Kelly Slater. “It’s hard to imagine a surfing world without Larry in it always screaming us into waves and throwing good vibes.”

Brian Bielmann, who downloaded the footage from Larry’s GoPro after his death, told Hawaiian TV,

“He caught this beautiful wave and he rode it for a long time and by the end we were cheering and yelling and crying…He had an incredible life right to the end! He couldn’t fit anymore into his life than he did!”

Kelly Slater-inspired sneaker set to conquer upcoming Paris Fashion Week: “Kelly Slater was one of my idols growing up, and it felt fitting to channel my love!”

The perfect Valentine's Day gift.

Everyone, here, is certain to know that Paris Fashion Week kicks off in mere days. The, arguably, most important of the various Fashion Weeks (including New York and Milan), the streets of that glorious City of Light will see the looks, silhouettes, statements that we will be drooling over for the rest of the year.


But nothing will be as exciting, for us, as designer Anthony Alvarez’s BLUEMARBLE. The streetwear brand that “blends cultural references like skateboarding, surfing, punk, and Y2K undertones with a certain je ne sais quoi” is set to unveil its very first sneaker and, would you believe, Kelly Slater is the inspiration.

Alvarez told HypeBeast, “Kelly Slater was one of my idols growing up, and it felt fitting to channel my love of board sports into the first BLUEMARBLE sneakers. I wanted to develop a design that would enhance our men’s wear and be embraced by our community. These Kellys are just the beginning.”

Retailing for around $300 USD, the Kellys sport “an upper crafted from distressed cotton twill, implying that they have been well-loved and used for their intended purpose. Flame motifs, curvaceous in their nature, are a frequent reference in BLUEMARBLE’s collections. Naturally, the wavy lines appear on the shoe as well, wrapping around the uppers alongside a unique lace system that goes all around. That’s thanks to a number of additional eyelets hitting up the mids and collar, allowing the laces to tie at the rear for another board sport-indebted touch.”

Who do you know, or love, that would look best in a fresh pair of Kellys?


Ethan Ewing sure as hell looking like Double J! | Photo: WSL/Tony Heff

John John Florence makes “silent mockery of amateur surfers’ unrelenting desire for new surfboards” at Sunset after riding same Pyzel model two contests in a row!

And two-time champ Florence scores highest heat total of the day!

Eight heats of men’s professional surfing were completed today at an unruly Sunset Beach.

It always seems a difficult beast to wrangle. More often than not it looks like surfers are scrabbling for position, or in the wrong place entirely. Heavy use of drone footage in the broadcast exemplified this and showcased the “huge playing field…lot of water…” we’re continually reminded of.

If you’re a proponent of Sunset, you’ll argue it’s a good test of well-rounded skills. You’ll enjoy the variety in the waves that might reward both creativity in terms of equipment or approach, or just dumb luck.

If you’re a non-believer you won’t be alone.

And you might question the value of holding a top-tier surf competition at a wave that doesn’t facilitate nor showcase the evolution of surfing.

But it’s iconic, you might argue.

So was the queen, you might respond. And she dead.

I can see both arguments, but I err on the side of seeing something different, and that’s what Sunset provides in the context of this Tour.

There seemed little beyond luck as a strategy of identifying the really good ones at Sunset Beach today. Three Hawaiian surfers headed to the elimination round are evidence of that point, including Sunset aficionado Zeke Lau.

In a change of programming, the women were sent out first this morning, meaning a long night for me. As JMD made the call on the YouTube stream she was bluntly cut off mid-sentence by an advert for some sleep product. I couldn’t help feeling the algorithms were mocking me.

Commentators today couldn’t seem to agree if long or short boards were the way forward. The majority on longer equipment were praised for their inferred understanding that drawn out turns and lack of chatter in the board was desirable.

Yet concurrently, the likes of John Florence and Barron Mamiya were venerated for not deviating from their standard sizes. Their surfing was said to be sharp and, of course, “spicy”.

Florence’s choice of a standard 6’2” Ghost, the very same board he rode at Pipe, made silent mockery of our amateur and unending desires for new surfboards.

Commentary fell back into the house-style of broad agreement and positive noise, even in the face of clear contradictions like this.

Megan Abubo fell victim to the machine, as was inevitable. Spending so much time that close to Kaipo would cause anyone to start glitching.

By my scoring, she blotted her copybook twice today. Offence number one was getting stuck on the word “spicy”, a habit she picked up at Pipe and seems to have morphed into something akin to Tourette’s.

Offence number two was comparing Ethan Ewing to an Irons brother.

Minor offences, perhaps, but certainly the beginning of the end. They all run out of vocabulary eventually.

The Ewing comparisons, as ever, did a disservice to his surfing. His elbow posture having little to do with how razor sharp yet fluid his turns are. There were echoes of last year as this photographic perfection emerged again. How quickly we forget. Or at least I’d forgotten that every accentuation he performs on a wave is simply beautiful.

He’ll never win a world title at Trestles, of course. But we’re not talking about that.

Echoes of last year were also present in the yellow jersey wearer being sent to elimination, but reversed in that Kelly Slater won his first round heat and Jack Robinson did not.

Slater didn’t dazzle and there wasn’t a lot to shout about, but a five-fin 6’3″ which outdueled all but Kai Lenny in radical equipment choice got the job done.

“Real rakey,” said Pete Mel of his fins.

Jack Robinson could not get the job done. Suffering an early and unlikely blitz of competency from Jake Marshall and wildcard Eli Hanneman, he looked down and out.

However, with five mins to go, he found a wave from which he elicited a 7.33, the highest score of the heat. Normal service resumed, you’d have been forgiven for thinking.

But Hanneman, now in third position, was not deterred. Needing a low five he took off on his final wave and rode it with youthful, gay abandon to turn in a 5.17 and bump an apoplectic Robinson and his yellow jersey to his first losers round in some time.

Hanneman’s surfing has a lightness that requires a little more muscle in waves like Sunset, but it’s blisteringly quick. The eye test says he was the fastest man in the water today.

Wildcards were good value. Kai Lenny might have the ugliest boards on the beach and the weirdest fins you’ve ever seen, but he was harshly penialised by the judges for what was deemed to be a non-completion after one of the best exclamation points we saw all day. He didn’t get through, but he certainly doesn’t look out of place.

The best turn of the day, according to both this reporter (how do you like this style, btw?) and Peter Mel, belonged to Filipe Toledo, but the best heat score was once again John Florence.

In Florence’s heat, Joao Chianca turned in a score that would have won any of the other seven heats today. Unfortunately, as has been his curse on Tour thus far, he was matched up with John.

For the former, you’d better believe the rivalry is real in his mind.

For the latter, well, he’s just surfing. On current form, everyone else should be very afraid.

However, my money’s on Medina, who we’re yet to see. And I do mean that literally. He’s an unpopular backhand choice at a wave like Sunset, so say the experts and the bookies.

But, well…he’s also Gabriel Medina.

Let’s get it.