“It was like underwater jiujitsu…”

It’d be fair to say there ain’t too many men like John “Gordo the Great” Gordon, a sixty-one-year-old larger-than-life surfer-cinematographer who filmed the tour for twenty years before being dumped by the World Surf League, inexplicably and without warning he says, last year. 

Gordo’s filmic career is marked by awards, acclaim etc. He worked for the Seven News network in Queensland for two decades, in between gigs with Jack McCoy and his series of iconic Billabong films, before shifting into surf full-time. 

“He’s mates with everyone from world champ Mark Occhilupo to Hawaiian enforcer Johnny Boy Gomes to the locals in the black township behind Jeffreys Bay, South Africa, where he’s forged enduring friendships,” wrote Tim Baker in a sweet profile for the online magazine The Coastline. 

Anyway, he’s the pizza boy, the pool boy, the camera guy, whatever you need, he’ll sort it. 

So when a Gold Coast-based nurse jumped into the water at Fingal up there on the NSW side of the border with the Gold Coast and Gordo saw her being washed around the headland, he wasn’t going to stand by and wait for Superman.

“She was in the most dangerous spot imaginable. I looked around and the only person who’s going to save her is me,” said Gordo, who described trying to rescue the gal as like “underwater jiujitsu.”

“I couldn’t believe it. I stepped into nothing and it got me straight away,” said nurse Liv Titor. “Johnny jumped in with his surfboard, told me to hang on and said we’ll get through it together. And that’s what we did.”

Defending Margaret River Pro champ withdraws from pet event 12 months since he cooked John John Florence like a hamburger on a griddle!

Only days after the WSL judging panel opened the door for an Australian to win the world title at Lowers, conspicuously kneecapping the small-wave wizard Filipe Toledo at Bells, world number two Jack Robinson has pulled out of his hometown event, the Margaret River Pro.

Twenty-five-year-old Robinson, a former child prodigy who now stands at an impressive six feet and with 185 pounds of ballast, the musculature of his surf-honed deltoids delivering a raw sexuality generally only noted in big-dicked black guys and rarely seen in white males, injured his knee in his losing heat to Victorian wildcard Xavier Huxtable, who is no relation to Cliff Huxtable, the TV obstetrician played by BIPOC Quaalude enthusiast Bill Cosby.

You’ll remember last year, Robinson accounted for the two-time world champ and two-time winner of the Margaret River Pro, John John Florence, using airs and a three-turn combo to cook the Hawaiian like a hamburger on a griddle.

Where John John used rail to build an early lead, Jackie was an artist at his peak, kicking into gear mid-final, licking his stank fingers after each near-perfect ride, including a wild end section 540.

From Robinson’s IG.

“During my heat at Bells, I ended up injuring my meniscus (cartilage in my knee). After reviewing with a few specialists, and discussions with my team, I’ll be pulling out of the Margaret River Pro. As you all know, Margs is my home break, and I’m always looking forward to being in @westernaustralia. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to compete at Margs, but it’s what’s best for my recovery and long term goals. Next week I’ll be starting physiotherapy. I’m confident I’ll be back for the next event. It’s a long year and we are just starting! Thanks for all your support! ”

 

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“Top Gun was a coming out movie in Blockbuster clothing!”

There is no greater tragedy in literature than the closeted homosexual struggle between Tom Cruise’s Maverick and his doomed sidekick, Anthony Edwards’ Goose, in the eighties gay classic Top Gun. 

For thirty-seven years, men have wept as they watched and rewatched the dramatic scene where Mav and Goose, whom Mav calls “honey”, eject after a failed dog fight with Iceman and Goose is killed when he gets booted straight into the aircraft canopy. 

With Goose’s succulent dick off the menu, Mav turns to Kelly McGillis’ Charlie Blackwood, although Blackwood’s empty hole is no match for Mav’s fantasy of Goose’s Herculean eggs and noble shaft hanging from the fork of his muscular legs. 

As Quentin Tarantino once opined, 

“You’ve got Maverick, all right? He’s on the edge, man…And you’ve got Iceman, and all his crew. They’re gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they’re saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways. Kelly McGillis,v she’s heterosexuality. She’s saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They’re saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what’s going on throughout that whole movie.”

Anyway, Anthony Edwards, who played Goose and who is now sixty years old can y’believe, is selling his spectacular Doheny house right there at 35145 Beach Road, Dana Point, in the guard-gated Capistrano Beach community. 

Edwards bought the joint for one-and-a-half mill in 1998 and used it as vacay house with his fam.

You got 2100 square-feet of living space, five beds, five bathrooms, beamed ceilings, arched gateways and gorgeous French sorta doors, above, looking straight into the Pacific. 

On a good day you might even see Pat O’Connell, a former sparring partner of Kelly Slater, a Chicago-born honey blonde with a little vibrating laugh and wrinkles on his face like cat whiskers, roaming the nearby Salt Creek lineup. 

Examine the finer points of Goose’s joint here.