Dumped WSL cinematographer John “Gordo the Great” Gordon risks life to save drowning nurse, “Battling battering blankets of waves a swimmer and surfer dice with death!”

“It was like underwater jiujitsu…”

It’d be fair to say there ain’t too many men like John “Gordo the Great” Gordon, a sixty-one-year-old larger-than-life surfer-cinematographer who filmed the tour for twenty years before being dumped by the World Surf League, inexplicably and without warning he says, last year. 

Gordo’s filmic career is marked by awards, acclaim etc. He worked for the Seven News network in Queensland for two decades, in between gigs with Jack McCoy and his series of iconic Billabong films, before shifting into surf full-time. 

“He’s mates with everyone from world champ Mark Occhilupo to Hawaiian enforcer Johnny Boy Gomes to the locals in the black township behind Jeffreys Bay, South Africa, where he’s forged enduring friendships,” wrote Tim Baker in a sweet profile for the online magazine The Coastline. 

Anyway, he’s the pizza boy, the pool boy, the camera guy, whatever you need, he’ll sort it. 

So when a Gold Coast-based nurse jumped into the water at Fingal up there on the NSW side of the border with the Gold Coast and Gordo saw her being washed around the headland, he wasn’t going to stand by and wait for Superman.

“She was in the most dangerous spot imaginable. I looked around and the only person who’s going to save her is me,” said Gordo, who described trying to rescue the gal as like “underwater jiujitsu.”

“I couldn’t believe it. I stepped into nothing and it got me straight away,” said nurse Liv Titor. “Johnny jumped in with his surfboard, told me to hang on and said we’ll get through it together. And that’s what we did.”

 


51-year-old great Kelly Slater displays worrying psychopathological condition “affecting uprooted individuals” who feel “totally frustrated and alienated” on eve of his banishment from World Surf League!

Sad.

The Margaret River Pro swings wide its rustic shutters in just under four days and surf fans, already lined up outside wearing rain slickers, are licking their lips with lusty glee. What was once merely the fourth stop on tour, you see, is now a macabre bacchanal wherein underperforming Championship Tour surfers are presented before their heads lopped off squirting giddy watchers with their blood.

The architect of this gruesome festival, Chief of Executives Erik Logan, imagined, I think, a tableau in which surf fans would be delighted by the public ending of careers of lightly considered professionals though must have never considered that the world’s greatest surfer, Kelly Slater, would be lined up shoulder to shoulder with Michael Rodrigues and Zeke Lau ready to taste the executioner’s blade.

Yikes.

But how is the 11-time World Champion handling it all?

Not good.

And I know that I’m not allowed to look at his Instagram account but I just can’t help myself. Lately it features photo after photo, video after video of his past triumphs.

Nostalgia.

Though did you know that nostalgia, until recently, was considered a troublesome psychopathological condition? It is true and let us turn to the National Library of Medicine for more.

Nostalgia, a psychopathological condition affecting individuals who are uprooted, whose social contacts are fragmented, who are isolated and who feel totally frustrated and alienated, was first described in the 17th century and was a problem of considerable interest to physicians in the 18th and 19th centuries. By the 20th century it seemed to have disappeared, but reappeared under other labels.

How does your lusty glee feel now?

Your delight?

Sad.


Jackie and Kaipo post win in 2022 where the former lover of Madonna called Jackie John John and, inset, Jackie's tragic post from earlier today.

Dishwater blond honeypot Jack Robinson sensationally pulls out of Margaret River Pro following gruesome knee injury at Bells Beach!

Defending Margaret River Pro champ withdraws from pet event 12 months since he cooked John John Florence like a hamburger on a griddle!

Only days after the WSL judging panel opened the door for an Australian to win the world title at Lowers, conspicuously kneecapping the small-wave wizard Filipe Toledo at Bells, world number two Jack Robinson has pulled out of his hometown event, the Margaret River Pro.

Twenty-five-year-old Robinson, a former child prodigy who now stands at an impressive six feet and with 185 pounds of ballast, the musculature of his surf-honed deltoids delivering a raw sexuality generally only noted in big-dicked black guys and rarely seen in white males, injured his knee in his losing heat to Victorian wildcard Xavier Huxtable, who is no relation to Cliff Huxtable, the TV obstetrician played by BIPOC Quaalude enthusiast Bill Cosby.

You’ll remember last year, Robinson accounted for the two-time world champ and two-time winner of the Margaret River Pro, John John Florence, using airs and a three-turn combo to cook the Hawaiian like a hamburger on a griddle.

Where John John used rail to build an early lead, Jackie was an artist at his peak, kicking into gear mid-final, licking his stank fingers after each near-perfect ride, including a wild end section 540.

From Robinson’s IG.

“During my heat at Bells, I ended up injuring my meniscus (cartilage in my knee). After reviewing with a few specialists, and discussions with my team, I’ll be pulling out of the Margaret River Pro. As you all know, Margs is my home break, and I’m always looking forward to being in @westernaustralia. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to compete at Margs, but it’s what’s best for my recovery and long term goals. Next week I’ll be starting physiotherapy. I’m confident I’ll be back for the next event. It’s a long year and we are just starting! Thanks for all your support! ”

 

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Artist rendering of mid-season cut. Photo: France

Barbaric surf to decide fate of Kelly Slater, Kolohe Andino and others malingering below the dreaded mid-season cut line at upcoming Margaret River Pro!

Reign of Terror.

The curse, it appears, has been lifted. As a surf fan, you’ve watched through half-shuttered eyelids as the World Surf League’s 2023 Championship Tour traipsed from Pipeline to Sunset, Portugal to Bells. The wave quality at each stop, objectively hideous. The just-wrapped Rip Curl Pro was so bad as to leave even the most scientifically rational amongst us believing in hexes etc.

Well, that newly-believed-in dark hand appears to have a sense of humor for outlook of the days away Margaret River Pro is wild and wooly.

Big.

I cannot find Surfline’s official forecast anywhere, even after much searching, leading me to believe that some very naughty business happened on the World Surf League’s end of that marriage. Cheating, likely, but maybe worse. Here, for you, though is a report from Farm Online Weather.

After a mostly average and somewhat lacklustre start of the surf season for the world tour, a promising forecast is on the cards for the starting period of this year’s Margaret River Pro. The contests waiting period starts off on Thursday this week, when some generally clean 3-5-foot surf can be expected with possibly an initial round or two of contestable conditions.

A more promising outlook comes with a significant frontal feature to the south of South Africa will track east this week, maintaining a broad and persistent area of west-to-southwest winds directed towards the southwest of Australia. This will generate a large swell that should reach 4 to 5 metres, and should start to build on Saturday, peaking on Monday. Solid surf reaching the 6-foot mark is expected over the weekend and early next week, along with generally weak enough winds to make for an exciting and very contestable set of days.

And there we have it. As you know, the Margaret River Pro will feature the second annual Procession of Guillotines wherein underperforming surfers have their heads removed and blood soaked singlets sent to the underworld (Challenger Series). This year finds notable names Kolohe Andino, Kelly Slater, Ultimate Surfer Ezekiel Lau and Miguel Pupo ready to taste cold steel. Nat Young, Jackson Baker and Liam O’Brien hover just over the cut line but in real danger.

Which of them will be most helped by a girthy sea?

A quick check of the draw reveals that Nat Young will be surfing his first heat against Filipe Toledo. Relief must be flooding his heart as the li’l lion will certainly be floating a mile out the back thinking nervous thoughts. Experiencing a different reign of terror.

America for the win, I suppose.


Tom Cruise’s doomed sidekick Goose from gay classic Top Gun lists sprawling beachfront Dana Point compound for $6.5 million, “A once in lifetime offering!”

“Top Gun was a coming out movie in Blockbuster clothing!”

There is no greater tragedy in literature than the closeted homosexual struggle between Tom Cruise’s Maverick and his doomed sidekick, Anthony Edwards’ Goose, in the eighties gay classic Top Gun. 

For thirty-seven years, men have wept as they watched and rewatched the dramatic scene where Mav and Goose, whom Mav calls “honey”, eject after a failed dog fight with Iceman and Goose is killed when he gets booted straight into the aircraft canopy. 

With Goose’s succulent dick off the menu, Mav turns to Kelly McGillis’ Charlie Blackwood, although Blackwood’s empty hole is no match for Mav’s fantasy of Goose’s Herculean eggs and noble shaft hanging from the fork of his muscular legs. 

As Quentin Tarantino once opined, 

“You’ve got Maverick, all right? He’s on the edge, man…And you’ve got Iceman, and all his crew. They’re gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they’re saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways. Kelly McGillis,v she’s heterosexuality. She’s saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They’re saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what’s going on throughout that whole movie.”

Anyway, Anthony Edwards, who played Goose and who is now sixty years old can y’believe, is selling his spectacular Doheny house right there at 35145 Beach Road, Dana Point, in the guard-gated Capistrano Beach community. 

Edwards bought the joint for one-and-a-half mill in 1998 and used it as vacay house with his fam.

You got 2100 square-feet of living space, five beds, five bathrooms, beamed ceilings, arched gateways and gorgeous French sorta doors, above, looking straight into the Pacific. 

On a good day you might even see Pat O’Connell, a former sparring partner of Kelly Slater, a Chicago-born honey blonde with a little vibrating laugh and wrinkles on his face like cat whiskers, roaming the nearby Salt Creek lineup. 

Examine the finer points of Goose’s joint here.