Barbaric surf to decide fate of Kelly Slater, Kolohe Andino and others malingering below the dreaded mid-season cut line at upcoming Margaret River Pro!

Reign of Terror.

The curse, it appears, has been lifted. As a surf fan, you’ve watched through half-shuttered eyelids as the World Surf League’s 2023 Championship Tour traipsed from Pipeline to Sunset, Portugal to Bells. The wave quality at each stop, objectively hideous. The just-wrapped Rip Curl Pro was so bad as to leave even the most scientifically rational amongst us believing in hexes etc.

Well, that newly-believed-in dark hand appears to have a sense of humor for outlook of the days away Margaret River Pro is wild and wooly.

Big.

I cannot find Surfline’s official forecast anywhere, even after much searching, leading me to believe that some very naughty business happened on the World Surf League’s end of that marriage. Cheating, likely, but maybe worse. Here, for you, though is a report from Farm Online Weather.

After a mostly average and somewhat lacklustre start of the surf season for the world tour, a promising forecast is on the cards for the starting period of this year’s Margaret River Pro. The contests waiting period starts off on Thursday this week, when some generally clean 3-5-foot surf can be expected with possibly an initial round or two of contestable conditions.

A more promising outlook comes with a significant frontal feature to the south of South Africa will track east this week, maintaining a broad and persistent area of west-to-southwest winds directed towards the southwest of Australia. This will generate a large swell that should reach 4 to 5 metres, and should start to build on Saturday, peaking on Monday. Solid surf reaching the 6-foot mark is expected over the weekend and early next week, along with generally weak enough winds to make for an exciting and very contestable set of days.

And there we have it. As you know, the Margaret River Pro will feature the second annual Procession of Guillotines wherein underperforming surfers have their heads removed and blood soaked singlets sent to the underworld (Challenger Series). This year finds notable names Kolohe Andino, Kelly Slater, Ultimate Surfer Ezekiel Lau and Miguel Pupo ready to taste cold steel. Nat Young, Jackson Baker and Liam O’Brien hover just over the cut line but in real danger.

Which of them will be most helped by a girthy sea?

A quick check of the draw reveals that Nat Young will be surfing his first heat against Filipe Toledo. Relief must be flooding his heart as the li’l lion will certainly be floating a mile out the back thinking nervous thoughts. Experiencing a different reign of terror.

America for the win, I suppose.