THE MOMENTUM IS... never mind.
I’ll tell you what. If the World Surf League don’t just get more ludicrous with each and every sunrise then my name ain’t Charles Smith. The 2023 Championship Tour has been an absolute comedy of errors, thus far, beginning with the rollout of the much-celebrated Apple Watch that doesn’t work but keeps getting celebrated, and carrying right through to… whatever is happening in Torquay at Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer’s Airbnb on yet another lay day.
The surf has been garbage, the little spike of personality (Leonardo Fioravanti criticizing the aforementioned Apple Watch for not working) getting quickly fined into dull kowtowing and the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater ready to become victim of the much ballyhooed mid-season cut thereby erasing 90% of the elusive non-surfing surf fans’ reason to watch.
A trash fire by any other name would smell just as shitty.
Thankfully, though, Santa Monica has sorted out a way to save Kelly Slater from ever being mid-season cut, allowing him to surf forevermore. For under the cover of night, the rules regulating wildcards, and the points they are allowed for competing in championship tour events, have been changed.
Previously, and before Slater made proper suck, those wildcards gifted post cull would equal zero points even if that wildcard won the entire event.
Now, and after Slater made proper suck, those wildcards gifted post cull will equal zero points even if that wildcard wins the entire event.
Unless.
That wildcards is a “former champion or top five.”
i.e. Kelly Slater.
Or Conner Coffin, except he ain’t sniffing another wildcard until the World Surf League collapses and Rincon emerges out of the ashes as a specialty event on the reimagined California Bud Tour.
THE MOMENTUM IS REAL.
David Lee Scales and I, anyhow, discuss the absurdity of the World Surf League and many other things related to the absurdity of the World Surf League.
The momentum is real.
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Bribing judges and paying Machado to slam someone in the knees on their way out—that’s how.
Beach Grit Founder and Lead Writer Hints At Secret Identity While Confirming No One Actually Cares About the WSL.
Go woke… go broke!!!
Fascist corp America owns our politicians and our sellout sports leagues, hence the Apple watch and quackscene💉 “celebration”..
Everyday this world is flipped more upside down by sellout govmts to the WEFer’s commie -woke agenda.
So SADS…..
Get it?…. SADS..
Would someone please explain how he is not getting cut? I didn’t fully grasp the article regarding wild card and Santa Monica??? Thanks in advance!
It’s great how Bells brings out all the old dead beats and has been on the East coast , just like Margz on the west coast , what bunch of ego centric kooks.
THE MOMENTUM(generation) IS… REAL(old news).
One way or another, he will be shamefully beaten by the top seeds. Forever …
Hey hey,
King Kelly always gets the wildcard..
Unless it’s 26ft+
Then he’s got no boards,and also injured that day
But heals up perfect the next day
(When it drops 5ft)
Don’t worry because Torquay has some clubbies too fill he’s place.
(Goofys do it better)
King Kelly is Elo
Hero
,but not mine
Blessings from
God
Fuck yeah!!!! ADRIANOOOOOOOOO
When peeps are whispering that you are not well read, I correct them.
WhiteLinesAirways…the only way to fly…sorry to interrupt TheSordid KellyShow/
https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx….
Bump
Nah. He blew the opportunity for the storybook ending. He should’ve damn well retired after he won Pipe.
I thought that about him at Chopes years ago. He doesn’t deserve a storybook ending. Let him be Slater.
Phase 1- be the best at the game.
Phase 2 – make the game need you, more than you need it.
Phase 3- buy the game
The bald villain will prevail
Okay but to be fair, all bald dudes join the Lex Luther League. They need that and money for the ladies.
This new rule for getting on the Challenger Series is a doozy:
“Three men and two women who were CT surfers in the prior season that did not requalify for either the CT or the Challenger Series”
Fall off tour in 22, fail to make top 10 on 22 CS, fail to requalify for CS via regional QS but chuck ‘‘em back on anyway!! The Morgs rule!!
If Kelly makes the cut they’ll just change it back.
This isn’t just about Kelly, it’s also about Steph, Kanoa, Kolohe and any other big name that failed to make the cut
This “rule” has already been implemented. That same “big name” reasoning you pointed out is exactly why the WSL gave Sally FItz a year long wildcard that includes her ability to garner points. So it was not made/changed “overnight” because of Kelly as Chas has clickbaited everyone into believing with his header.
Wait, how do you cancel someone? I nominate her. Can we have a ranked list but with her first? You all complaining about Kelly but she wrote a book on how to be like her.
If its about the olympics (and surely it is) then kanoa don’t need to worry about shit as he’ll just rock up to the world surfing games and sleepwalk his way into the olympics. Carlos muñoz and jordy too.
Kolohe and steph will have to suck eggs though.
The stupid thing is even if he gets wildcards all year he’s gonna be seeded against robbo or whoever is #1. And even if he wasnt, he’s never going to get results in rio or el salvador.
If they can’t win WSL without vanity/mercy points, they will need secret steroids way before the Olympics, bro. But the roid rage will help them fight sharks and each other so Slater Fight Studio is a go.
So basically we are saying surfing is out of champions and might need a geriatric leisure league? Does the article have cliff notes? This is all blurring together like War and Peace. F**k Tolstoy wishes he wrote something this intriguing and scandalous.
It’s Kelly’s World for you all to rent space in.
Imagine having to pretend that he isn’t a cheating, conniving, soulless motherfucker. Having to be civil and feign friendship while making excuses for his total shitheadedness.
Imagine knowing that everyone outside of the Wooz knows you’re a cocksucker. (I don’t mean you,nega. I mean all those complicit on the CT who go along sucking up this horseshit.)
here’s a line and a Heineken…
Chur cuz !
Pabst Blue Ribbon!
badge/
His golf game? It makes me mad too. Total cheater. Obviously. Plus he dresses like a dad when he isn’t one. Imposter. Probably moves his balls all the time and makes his gf call him Tiger. Jerkface.
he does have a daughter
The wsl should sell a shirt-
“ Kelly never loses “
BG should sell a t-shirt,
“Bobby was right,”
Nah , the rules of the tennis circuit are transparent for everyone
Yeah but he charges Santa Barbara rent without maintenance.
Its actually top notch comedy to keep Kelly there as long as possible, as the gulf between his surfing and the rest of the tour gets deeper and deeper. At age 70 he can hobble down to the water’s edge with his zimmer frame, cast it aside, and glide out on his electric SUP. One turn = five points, two turns, a perfect 10. Kelly Slater 25x world champ. By the time he’s about to die, cryogenics will be well advanced. Thaw him out whenever the surf is good. First 138 year old world champ. Hell, first 1000 year old world champ. Keep it going Kelly, we believe in you…
Best comment EVER!!! You should replace Chas Smith!!!
The Kelly Slater Memorial Wildcard©®™
Omg when they wanted to do a memorial or celebration of life or whatever they were calling that shindig for Laird, I was like “who is trying to bump these guys off?” Then Inertia started running pieces about like 11 year olds so clearly John John has a gang of underage thugs going after em.
Wlolzzle
HAHAHA – let’s just make it up as we go along!!
Seriously though instead of just winging it and making up new rules as they go, they should just said at end of Kelly’s last world title -“for services to surfing” – do what ever you want you can have a wildcard for life.
He could just be an international man of mystery and rock up if firing otherwise just chuck someone else in.
Instead we just make up injury wildcards, “special wildcards” or new rules – it makes them look like even more of the fucking kooks they are!!
They should just change the name to Kelly Slaters World Tour.
He owns part of it so why not!