"Get this guy sent home where he belongs," says Kelly Slater.

Surf world explodes and vengeance promised as Brazilian surfer beats hell out of talented female pro Sara Taylor in Bali and Kelly Slater doxxes alleged attacker, “Get this guy!”

“Why? That’s so ugly! People are crazy!” says Gabriel Medina.

The surfing world has exploded this morning after Sara Taylor, a stylish American goofyfooter currently on vacay in Bali, posted video of a Brazilian surfer attacking her ostensibly over a two-foot wave.

“After being dropped in on on my first wave, the guy’s friend punched me in the head and then after being confronted about hitting me, he attacked Charlie on the beach for filming him,” writes Taylor. “This is insane, does anyone know who they are?”


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A post shared by sara taylor (@salad_tray)

A who’s who from the surf and skate world, including world champion surfers Gabriel Medina and Mick Fanning, as well as skate icons Ed Templeton, Tony Alva, weighed in on the stoush. 

“What weak humans,” said Fanning. 

“Why? That’s so ugly! People are crazy!” wrote Medina. 

Following a post from the skater Nora Vasconcellos, Ed Templeton wrote, “Anyone know these dorks?”

And, Alva, “Lock ‘em up!” 


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A post shared by Nora Vasconcellos (@noravexplora)

Kelly Slater, meanwhile, doxxed the alleged attacker @jp_azevedosurf writing, “Get this guy sent home where he belongs.”

Thousands of other comments follow a similar theme with some, notably Brazilian surfers embarrassed by the incident, promising an imminent vengeance.

Open Thread: Comment Live, Day One of the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach where it’s finally time for surf fans to make animal noises!

Come watch Kelly Slater surf while you can!

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore." Photo: World Surf League

Economic anthropologists marvel as ticket prices for upcoming Surf Ranch Pro slashed by over 80% from inaugural run five years ago!


We live in wild times, this much is absolutely certain, what with ex-Presidents becoming indicated and/or indicted, staunchly unaligned Scandinavian countries lining up to join NATO, banks collapsing and inflation eating savings’ accounts like a hungry hungry hippo.

Yes, money around the world is worth less and less, able to buy fewer and fewer items for more and more dollars, pesos, lbs, euros, etc.

Less and less, fewer and fewer for more and more outside of the magical wooden gates surrounding Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California, that is, for there an economic miracle has occurred.

The first Surf Ranch Pro, you will certainly recall, kicked off in 2018. It was summer, if I recall. Gas cost around $2.50 a gallon, a loaf of bread enjoyed for $1.29, a shave and a haircut for two bits and the aforementioned Surf Ranch Pro could be taken in all weekend for $199 per person.

A smashing deal considering the amount of live professional surfing, music, Michelob Ultra that was on hand.

Alas, simpler times. Some might argue better.

But we can’t live in the past, no, we must play the hand that Jerome Powell, and global financial crises, have dealt us. Gas soaring to nearly $5.00 a gallon, bread touching that mark too (organic), shaves and haircuts both sacrificed so the children can eat but the Surf Ranch Pro?

Well, the Surf Ranch Pro 2023 weekend pass runs a mind-meltingly low $39.00 for adults, $19.50 for Groms.

An over 80% discount from five years ago.

A financial miracle.

Economic anthropologists are certainly studying this unicorn especially in light of the wild, unprecedented growth of professional surfing. “Record breaking revenue” through the roof, vectors out of control. Is the World Surf League providing such low low prices as a salve for weary masses? Some other kindhearted reason?


Surf great Kelly Slater continues assault on trans rights as Kid Rock shoots up case of Bud Light in protest of Tik Tok influencer: “Hahahaha. No words necessary!”

Stupid is as stupid likes.

Onetime rock rapper Kid Rock made much news, today, after pulling an assault rifle on three possibly innocent cases of beer and really letting them have it. At issue, Bud Light, maker of aforementioned beer, decided to give a trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney her own customized can as a one off gift along with, probably, monies to hold up a traditional can of the less-than-satisfying brew and saying sports things.

The campaign, lame like all influencer campaigns are, really made Kid Rock mad as he leveled an assault rifle then showed his middle finger to a cellular phone.

The world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater, never shy anywhere on social media, very much enjoyed the post, commenting, “Hahahaha. No words necessary.”

Whatever your position on trans social media influencers, aged rock rappers, beer violence, etc. can we all just agree that Kelly Slater is a dumb shit?

I think we can.

The great uniter!

“I’m the only queer person on tour, so my wife is the only other queer person I know most of the time. I love everyone around me but she makes such a difference in a way only she really can.” | Photo: @tylerwright

Following shock last-place finish in Europe, surfing superstar and LGBTQ+ icon Tyler Wright reveals she’s “Never leaving home without her psychologist or her wife again”

“I didn’t take them to Portugal and I hated it to be quite frank. People don’t like hearing that, but it’s the honest truth.”

If there was to be a storybook ending, or new beginning, to the wild Tudor-esque drama already played out in the lives of the famous Wright surfing family, the marriage of Tyler Wright to Lilli Baker five months ago might’ve been it. 

Wright, a preternatural talent who won her first big event at fourteen and two consecutive world titles at twenty-two and twenty-three, as well as a historic win at the Pipe Masters in 2020, describes their connection as flush with “ease and openness. There’s genuineness, love, respect and appreciation. Being with someone who encourages you to be more you is always a good time.”

With her gang around her, which included psychologist Jason Patchell and super coach Andy King, Wright tore hell through the opening Hawaiian leg, hitting a second at Pipe and a third at Sunset. 

But, Portugal? Solo? 

“I didn’t take them to Portugal and I hated it to be quite frank,” Wright told the Sydney Morning Herald. “I just didn’t see much point in being there. People don’t like hearing that, but it’s the honest truth.”

Wright ain’t making the same mistake at Bells, an event she won last year. 

“The older I get, I realise I don’t really want to accommodate anyone other than myself in this arena. I’ve done a lot of work with my psychologist around why I’m re-entering this arena, why I keep competing. I’ve got my own challenges and so does everyone else… I’ve achieved everything I’ve ever dreamed of and originally set out to do. You have to be really in touch with why you’re still showing.”

Lilli, says Wright, delivers the love, yeah, but also… understanding. 

“I’m the only queer person on tour, so my wife is the only other queer person I know most of the time. I love everyone around me but she makes such a difference in a way only she really can.”

Patchell, a gun mind coach who also worked with her bro Owen at the Olympics, helps keep Wright’s emotions in check. 

“We actually don’t focus on the sport side of things that much, it’s the other things in life that have been quite chaotic for me.”

Wright, who is twenty-nine, has had a rough ol time these past few years.

You’ll remember her “season from hell” when she disappeared from the tour for two years following a mysterious “African” virus that left her bedridden and feeling as if her “heart would explode” if she stood up and being fleeced of half-a-million dollars from a family friend, a gorgeous honey blonde with a Kim Kardashian-esque figure and a love for horse racing and placing bets on their outcome, unsuccessfully, mostly, who’d been handling the superstar kids’ accounting.