“The top sole mirrors the moon’s surface while the bottom represents turtle scales.”

Not a dry eye in the house, as they say, after the embargo lifted on the press release for Kelly Slater’s latest biz venture, what the champ describes as a “sustainable and performance driven” footwear brand. 

Called Klly, and unfairly lambasted by Chas Smith earlier today, Slater has “discovered a niche in the in the footwear industry” with a sandal that “can stand up to the rigors of daily wear and outdoor adventures and at the same time, helps to reduce the environmental impact of the fashion industry.”

Further, 

“The first item to hit the market is the sandal, influenced by Slater’s renowned surfing career. Inspired by the relationship between the moon and the ocean, the sandal is made using recycled material, uses BLOOM technology (derived from algae), and provides a high level of cushioning, durability, responsiveness and water resistance.

“For the design of the sandal, Kelly was particularly moved by the mysterious and special relationship between the moon and sea turtle. Turtles have 13 large scales that represent the 13 lunar cycles in each year and 28 smaller scales that represent the days in each cycle. As a tribute to these coexisting forces, Kelly designed the top of the sandal to mirror the moon’s surface while the bottom sole represents the turtle’s scales. Additional styles and sizing are set to release later this year.”

Here’s the link for the website although it ain’t open for biz yet.

Sign up, see if y’hear anything.

“I’m not religious, but I believe in a greater energy – something bigger. “

The ol’ inbox has been warm as hell today after Hayden Cox, the world’s hottest surfboard shaper, a crown he stole from Darren Handley almost a decade ago, and not to be confused with world’s hottest gender-fluid shaper, that title still remains with soccer mom-alike Matt Biolos, revealed his elaborate funeral plans. 

Cox, who is a sunny faced forty-one, described his farewell to a reporter for the Australian Financial Review’s quarterly lift-out magazine The Fin. 

“I’d opt for cremation over being buried. From ashes comes rebirth and new life. You exit one vessel and enter the next. I’d like to think that we live many lives and connect with our soulmates over and over again. I’m not religious, but I believe in a greater energy – something bigger. The kind of energy that rewards you if you put in the work, if you practise karma. It’s an energy that humbles you.

“On the day of my service there’d be a “paddle-out” in the morning at Whale Beach. The service would be somewhere outside, with clean air and a nice view. For the casket I’d be dressed in a Tom Ford suit. Tucked in my pockets would be photos and letters from family, and pictures drawn by my kids. I’d throw a wetsuit in for good measure, and a fin key.”

Cox hoped Rob Machado might read the eulogy and the Nick Cave album Let Love In would play discreetly in the background, the title track featuring the eerie verse, 

Well, I’ve been bound and gagged and I’ve been terrorized
And I’ve been castrated and I’ve been lobotomized
But never has my tormentor come in such a cunning disguise
I let love in, I let love in
I let love in, I let love in

After the biz side of things, a nineties playlist would dominate the afterparty and the wake would be a “gritty and fun” warehouse party headlined by Rufus du  Sol. 

Read here if you can jump the paywall. 

"You didn’t even have the courage to leave disappointed comments from people who looked up to you!"

The Brazilian big-wave superstar Lucas “Chumbo” Chianca, big bro of the world number one Joao, hardly needs introduction, his adventures at Nazaré and Jaws list him as one of the sport’s greats. 

Chumbo, who is twenty seven, has come under fire from animal lovers after he posted a photograph of a day with his little fam at Discovery Cove, posing with the captive dolphins. 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Lucas Chianca “Chumbo” (@lucaschumbo)

Pretty innocuous sorta stuff, or at least it used to be until a few humans started realising maybe it ain’t so cool to imprison animals for the superficial kicks of supposed nature lovers, dolphins doin’ the happy dance for a few frozen dead fish and living in tiny, featureless waterholes for their long miserable lives.

Although Chumbo was pretty quick on the keys deleting neg comments thereby creating the impression his fans were thrilled by his waterpark adventures, a few readers sent screenshots of the meatier hits. 

“No respect for the sea and nature! Your attitude is repulsive.”

“Trashbox to encourage people to go to parks that explore (think he means exploit – Ed) marine animals.” 

“How sad Lucas, total disappointment, where is the respect for his fans? We too can disagree with wrong attitudes… very easy to just leave the comments that are convenient for you…this fight over using marine animals for entertainment is epic!! I adore you saying you are from the sea, and promoting something so surreal… and still deletes my comments… “

“One day humans will pay for what they have done to nature! Holding little animals captive and funding this is disgusting too! You didn’t even have the courage to leave disappointed comments from people who looked up to you! Don’t think your money will buy your happiness because time passes and nature takes!!!” 

I ain’t one for putting animals in cages, zoos, water parks, dancing orcas, ooowee, it gives me shivers although I did love the Flipper TV shows and movies, and I believe they mowed through a hundred or so dolphins in the making.

Maybe worth it?