A golden surf era.

Between surf champions Kelly Slater and Joel Tudor, surf chiefs Erik Logan and Jessi Miley-Dyer, surf heaven Brazil and surf hell Lemoore (see: the Satanic mirror) do you think we are right in the midst of a golden surf era? Oh sure it is easy to complain now and again, I’m certain there was grousing about lousy art in the midst of the high renaissance or grumbling about crap plays when Shakespeare was penning in his prime. People gonna people but back to Slater and Tudor et. al., we have a wonderful array of places to look, opinions to fondle, fun to have.

And let us examine the latest from Tudor. Longboarding’s GOAT, recently released from an absolutely draconian suspension for daring have an opinion contrary to the World Surf League, lit up social media this morning with a post celebrating the mass destruction of e-bikes at Lower Trestles.

“Not all cam rewinds are equal,” the jiu-jitsu master wrote “……this one of high tide lowers and all the e-bikes getting washed away might be the greatest moment in rewind history! Zoom in and enjoy.”

The video featured exactly that. Many e-bikes getting washed away.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Joel Tudor (@joeljitsu)

Reaction was mixed, especially when one of the most handsome men to ever call the surf industry home, Frankie D’Andrea, replied, “Digging Deep for content these days. More surfing and heritage post, less eggy negativity Joel posts.”

Frankie is an e-bike aficionado, you see.

While many called him a “Karen” and a “barn” others agreed, wondering, “When everyone first started riding skateboards down the trail, did the old guys complain about them like Joel does the e bikes?”

Then there were the folks who just don’t jive with Tudor’s rancor.

“Crying and bitching post #233345,” wrote Papa Sunny.

“Tell me you have a e-bike without telling me you have a ebike bwhahahahhahahaha,” Tudor responded.

“An e-bike, not a e-bike. Left school at an early age I don’t blame ya. Hating must be exhausting,” Papa Sunny shot back.

“*An. We start sentences with capital letters around here. Detention for you,” Ob_toon launched in.

“Around where exactly? I wasn’t writing a sentence, I was paraphrasing one. Look it up if you don’t know what that means,” Papa Sunny swung.

“Daddy left you at a young age?” Juicwah asked Papa Sunny, getting in on the action.

“Yes he met your mom on the sidewalk and ran off the bastard,” Papa Sunny replied.

“That was deep! Never aim for the head when ya can drop em with a body shot hahahhahhhahahahaha,” Joel Tudor exclaimed, entering the chat once again.

And what did I tell you.

A golden surf era.

Enjoy.

It's a cruel world.

The calendar has flipped to a new month and I’d imagine various chiefs inside the World Surf League Santa Monica headquarters are momentarily relieved. Things cannot possibly go worse in June than they did in May. Steam is still rising from Lemoore, California in the wake of the Surf Ranch Pro wherein Gabriel Medina, Felipe Toledo and Italo Ferreira, each former champions, all from Brazil, raised their voices as one and demanded account for questionable judging in Kelly Slater’s tub.

The furor from fans, from surfers, from industry stalwarts across the ideological spectrum was unlike anything seen in professional surfing since… well, maybe since ever.

Such was the brouhaha that WSL CEO Erik Logan was forced into writing a completely misguided open letter filled with paternalistic condescension and victim shaming making matters very much worse. Hoots of derision from the cheap seats. Calls for public termination.

But imagine being Dirk Ziff. Imagine being the benevolent billionaire who purchased professional surfing for free some eight years ago in order to make it bigger than the National Football League only to have CEO after CEO after CEO brought low by those dwelling in a “trash palace.” Imagine knowing all the good being done, a bush being planted to save the environment, Joe Turpel being gainfully employed, equality everywhere.

“No good deed goes unpunished,” he very likely moans to himself while wiggling his sad little toesies in equally sad little bunny slippers.

Well, he can at least take solace in knowing that old chestnut was, once and for all, proven true for, yesterday, a waterman from Hawaii plead guilty to saving a cute little bison baby from drowning and was slapped with a heavy fine.

According to reports, Clifford Walters was vacationing in Yellowstone National Park on May 20th when he saw a newborn calf struggling in the water after being separated from its mother. Waterman gonna waterman, of course, so Walters jumped into action, wading into the river and pushing the dear little thing to safety.

Park rangers later found the sweetie and tried to reunite it with the herd but it was rejected so they killed it dead.

Walters was charged a $500 fine, a $500 community service payment, a $30 special assessment and a $10 processing fee.

Ouch.

And you’d think there would be Good Samaritan laws for this sort of thing but, then again, I’d think Dirk Ziff would like to see Good Samaritan laws for rescuing professional surfing too.

It’s a cruel world.

The king is dead, long live the queen?

World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s Instagram account, which boasts 23k followers and quirky videos of him ordering employees to take their shirts off, is not generally a place for controversy. His posts, self-congratulatory, ultra-positive, tone deaf, mostly just draw neutered praise. Professional surfers litter a few raised hand or heart emojis. Various whozits and whatzits commenting light kudos but that’s all.

Fifteen to forty-two comments max.

His latest, a piece praising himself for creating equality in professional surfing, is, so far, at one-thousand-four-hundred-five and counting.

All unchill.

A sampling.

Hey Erik, how does it feel to be at the forefront of what will surely become the most shameful era of professional surf? Money, fame and connections might look cool now, but eventually this all goes away and it will only be your name left as the person who allowed for extreme lack of professionalism by judges in this era of the sport. Please please prioritise the sport over people’s personal interests!! Please have your name be the one of a person who decided to stand up and do the right thing!!

1- LISTEN TO THE SURFERS
2- You guys should just apologize for the bizarre judging mistakes, it happens…
3- To change the whole judge panel, end with the head judge position
4- repete or don’t point the last day of the competition (which is not hard to do since it is on a Pool).
5- Don’t fuck with our sport anymore, don’t script it, make it better and your public will naturally increase

This has happened many times and nothing has changed. However, the credibility of the company is falling, against the growth of the sport. The subjectivity in the same wave (pool) was partially and clearly on purpose of the sponsor. We long time spectators deserve at least an explanation

Dark day in competitive surfing history, no explanations whatsoever are going to make up for what happened.

Your stance as CEO (translated in the open letter published today) is simply an embarrassment to the surfing community around the world! How can you penalize the innocent (surfers), and clear the guilty (the head judge and other referees), not even admitting that there is something wrong when the whole community is seeing it? The names of all of you will be in the pages of the history of this sport as responsible for the darkest period in history, with the removal of countless passionate fans, sponsors and other things. in other words , you will be known for kicking the sport back ! Have the slightest courage to change (or more correctly, all sin to leave!)

And you get the feeling.

Zero word, however, from Logan’s left hand, Jessi Miley-Dyer. Even though she is the World Surf League Chief of Sport, and even though she is not at all shy about putting herself front and center at conferences, blessings, equality makings, she in entirely absent during this great insurrection.

Not one word of support.

Zero attempt to take some of the heat.

But how do you think Erik Logan feels about that? Sitting alone in a darkened room, lightly twisting the nipples of his customized Filipe Toledo t-shirt, thinking about money, fame and connections maybe looking cool now, but eventually going away and only his name left as the person who allowed for extreme lack of professionalism by judges in this era of the sport or just plain sad?

It can’t feel good, that abandonment in time of need especially from a one-time barrel buddy.

The professional surf watcher, though, must wonder if Miley-Dyer’s hush-hush is purely strategic. Waiting for the guillotine to fall on the lonely CEO’s neck then swoop right in and snatch the crown.

A mid-season cut of sorts.

With friends like these etc.

All hail JMD.