A golden era of goof.
Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch swings wide its gates tomorrow morning at roughly this time and is your alarm set? Will you rise early, prepare the perfect americano, tune in and thrill or will you remember that it is running mid-day, reluctantly click over and feel a pit of depression mixed with loathing deep in your tum-tum?
Or maybe you purchased one of the deeply discounted tickets and will be there in person, attending the yoga class, concert, buying Surf Ranch Pro swag from the booth, living, laughing, loving?
Nice.
Our own Jen See will be there, turtle sandals on the ground, reporting all the news that fits except she missed one moment, yesterday, that is already being called the most visually disturbing in surfing history.
World Surf League CEO Erik Logan, you see, decided to get a t-shirt printed with current world champion Filipe Toledo’s naked chest. The Brazilian father of two or three has a readily identifiable lion covering his heart and has apparently added some sort of robotic sunburst business to it. Logan, anyhow, stifling giggles, said, “Filipe Toledo has the most insane chest tattoo. So I just had this shirt made and I’m going to go surprise him with it.”
He then goes over and tells Toledo to take his shirt off, the two hug et voila.
The whole scene is wildly odd and you should watch and savor. I had just gotten finished telling David Lee Scales, during our weekly chat, that we are living in peak absurdity as it relates to the World Surf League, its day-to-day operations, staff, decisions etc. Number one funny time and not enjoying, not relishing every single moment is a sin against comedy. It would be like being on the set of Monty Python and the Holy Grail or The Big Lebowski or Idiocracy while it was being filmed and doom scrolling the news instead of soaking up the laughs.
This is not going to last forever.
Billionaire owner Dirk Ziff’s wife will eventually get bored, the clown show of Logan, Jessi Miley-Dyer et. al. will be dismissed and we will be poorer for it. Sure it may be replaced with world’s best surfers in the world’s best waves, “man against nature” as David Lee Scales is always harping about but, mark my words, you will miss this golden era of goof.
You will miss it deeply.
Listen, here, for more good advice.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
Too bad Zeke Lau missed the cut and E-Lo couldn’t wear the roll on sleeve tattoos
I hope he sets the standard for rest of the year with crazy hijinks like this!
Every event a new shirt
Perhaps we can design some and send thru?
“I’m an injury wildcard!” and just walk up and kiss slaters head
It’s so good hey!! Pausing the vid and getting these is my favourite part now.
– – – ” DANE(‘s) HAS NEW LADDER ” – – –
In latest breaking possibilities, it’s been suggested that internationally known commenter Dane’s sushi and salsa _sauza has decided not to attend the wave pool comp in person, and has had a FAIRLY TALL LADDER installed in his backyard so he can view all the action without the odour (and having to be locked in an outdoor enclosure with ELo, Fatty Cyrus and Smelly etc).
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Dane’s many followers will be pleased to know that his FAIRLY TALL LADDER is fitted out with the latest BBQ grill and beer coolers available to ensure his comfort at all times, especially after catching a secret wave in front of his beach shack.
(more ladder-based action as it happens)
you missed it by that much. still moving in inches to Save Stanley’s Reef. gotta go…”Hey Nineteen.”
I can’t believe all of the negative remarks. Seems totally positive. I wish my boss gave me this kind of attention. My chest would look sick on a tee.
He’s trolling BG right? Unless this is new BG merch and Chas threw him a freebie? Both rational logic.
Ah, the new Felipe Toledo 2022 world title t shirt – only available in small or medium sizes
The David Brent of sports!
Get BeachGrit get a media pass?
Oh my.
E-Lo is not a real person. E-Lo is an MK Ultra psy op. This runs deeper than any of us could’ve ever imagined.
He is chat gpt’s interpretation of a surfer.
– – – ” JEN SEE TO STAY HOME ” – – –
In yesterday’s news it was correctly reported that Jen See (a world famous journalist who lives in a palatial Montecito mansion between Oprah and Harry&Megs) has had a FAIRLY TALL LADDER built on her backyard golf course so she can watch the wave-pool comp without having to mingle with ELo and Kelly etc in the roasting cow stench of Lemoore.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
From the Sunbrella at the top of her FAIRLY TALL LADDER she’ll be able to view all of the festivities, including a who’s who of tattoos and t-shirts.
Word in the casino says that 29 yr old British pearl diver Tom (someone-or-other, who recently struck gold at Teahupo’o) will be there to show off his particularly crappy collection.
All other reports are incorrect.
More FAIRLY TALL LADDER-based news as it breaks…
from the BG comment commish: “We’re expecting a better than usual turn-out now that our own Jen See will be present and commenting live. She will be equipped with her own mike & sound system and a back-up team of cameramen, prescripted teleprompters (with no affiliation to those of the WSL), wireless communication direct to the producer(s), and will read out the best comments directly in the face of those being scrutinized.”
Here’s how to spot her in the crowd:
https://external-content.du…
Will you be wearing a BG shirt? When someone asks you what you do, will you say chaperone 25 pathetic men on disqus?
Didn’t know lame was used in the jungle. Seems tame.
I’m totally in on Yeti performance, I get it. I do not understand, however, the constantly developing color scenario. I don’t know anyone swapping out their grossly overpriced cooler for the latest shade of nature.
Wish I’d never seen this..Super gay His tattoo and Elo post..
Erik Logan must have been born on February 29th. Only getting a real birthday every four years could scar a mofo.
I always seem to start reading these and there have some sort of flavor to them until I hit the words David Lee Scales. At that point I typically stop reading and move on after posting a half cocked comment first.
That’s what I’m saying, though. If you miss it, you’ll look back with much regret.