World Surf League quietly rescinds draconian suspension of longboard legend Joel Tudor under cover of darkness!

"Not very woke of you to treat the log gals with so much disrespect in regards to pay..."

The sun rose upon the surfing landscape that looked vastly different from when it set a mere ten-ish hours ago. Florida governor Ron DeSantis has officially thrown his Ron Jon surf cap into the presidential ring vowing to “Make America Cocoa Beach.” Across the country in bleak Santa Monica, The World Surf League’s Chief Financial Officer, and multiple others, have allegedly been relieved of their duties even in a season of “unprecedented growth.” And, the world’s most decorated longboarder, living legend, Joel Tudor is, officially, once again allowed to wear the World Surf League singlet in competition and will do so at the upcoming Coastal Edge Steel Pier Classic in lovely Virginia Beach, Virginia.

The World Surf League’s Chief of Social Media shared the news in giddy post on its sub-tier lightly trafficked wsl.qs account reading, “Three-time WSL Longboard Champion @joeljitsu is back! The Coastal Edge Steel Pier Classic pres. by Katin begins May 27 – 29.”

Left out of the message is where Tudor was before coming back.

Which just so happened to be the World Surf League’s brutal and craven “Suspension Dungeon” where professional surfers are forced to not surf professionally, or at least not in any sanctioned events, and instead use their time to ponder how their negative deeds and/or thoughts have no place anywhere but especially not as they relate to the World Surf League and its performative pandering socially, environmentally, culturally, other.

The 46-year-old San Diegan was “suspended following conduct detrimental to the integrity of the WSL per the WSL Rule Book, which includes the violation of the following provisions: sportsmanlike conduct (14.02), damage to surfing’s image (14.04), and verbal assault (14.08).”

That “conduct” began after rumors floated of a major slash to the longboarding world tour to which Tudor replied specifically to World Surf League Chief Executive Erik Logan and its Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer, “Yo @wsl @jessmileydyer @elo_eriklogan can y’all explain this kind of equality? Not very woke of you to treat the log gals with so much disrespect in regards to pay? It’s kinda clear on your own Instagram which style is more favored by your audience! Urging all log gals , parents & friends to write the @wsl asking why this is still happening….also they are planning on canceling the longboard tour to a one event stop! Hit em up , post about it & make some noise to make things right!! Awoooooooooo!”

Miley-Dyer clapped back with, “Hello everyone. I wanted to address a post that our 2021 Men’s Longboard champion made on his IG account yesterday that was both inaccurate and misleading related to the WSL’s approach to equality. Joel created confusion and called into question whether female athletes competing on the Longboard Tour receive equal prize money. It is important that you know, and that you hear directly from me, that we take great pride in the fact that our male and female longboard athletes all receive equal prize money.”

To which Tudor, not backing down, responded, “(They) want to run this fake shit about equality and inclusiveness. Don’t be a bunch of fucking phonies.”

And down he went for reprogramming.

But will you tune in and cheer the champ’s return or will you, instead, continue to worry about the jiu-jitsu blackbelt? Like, has he been broken by his dungeon time? Will he only say positive happy things about the World Surf League and its various chiefs (save the chief financial officer) or will he use the Coastal Edge Steel Pier Classic to bash away once more and carry professional longboarding to the lofty heights it so richly deserves?

More, certainly, as the story develops.