"LOOK WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO SURF TODAY !!!"

The planned fight between South Africa’s Elon Musk and the world’s manliest boy Mark Zuckerberg appears to be off but that has not stopped the Facebook founder from “training for his MMA debut.” Zuckerberg, 39 going on 12, has not been shy about his falling in love with combat sport. His social media feeds constantly showcasing “rolling” with this or that fight star. He has a blue belt in Brazilian jiujitsu and appears to be learning the strike game these days.

Alas, there was once a time, and not long ago, where only surfing sparked the 5’7 145 lber’s eye. Dalliances with Kai Lenny, who described his as “super cool, super fit.” Admitting to tackling “big waves.”

Surfers, who had grown accustomed to and even fond of his attention, maybe taking it for granted, left cold and sad with his embrace of indoor gymnasiums and dojos.

But a glimmer of hope?

For just hours ago, Mikey Musumeci, a five-time International Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Federation black belt champion, was taught to surf by Zuckerberg himself in what appears to be an exchange.

“LOOK WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO SURF TODAY !!!” the 27-year-old captioned his post. “So many hours of training today and also my first time ever surfing (my surf professor @zuck) !! Having so much fun!!!!”

Surf Professor Zuck responded, “You nailed wake surfing your first session! And thanks for the training.”

Not all were ecstatic at the union.

“You are an awful individual. How many lives have you and the rest of the lizards ruined?” Santbc commented.

“Stop buying friends Richie Rich,” dnymarban added.

“@zuck is the enemy @mikeymusumeci he helped censor licensed phd dr during covid. His part of the problem. Never forget what they did we can forgive them but never forget,” lilpaul84 hit back.

“This man helped contribute to your coach losing his gym – and now you’re surfing with him? Embarrassing,” littlechild.bjj threw down.

Tough crowd.

In any case, is BJJ and wake surfing in the same day the new snowboarding and regular surfing in the same day?

Think upon it.

"Notes of urine and poison oak."

But what is your position on cologne? Do you wear sometimes? Only date night? Never while assuming that men who do are, as Joel Tudor would say, retarded? Assuming you sometimes spritz yourself, which direction do you turn? Woody? Undertones of tobacco? Bright and floral?

Well, if you are looking for some guidance, I’m sure your friends below the line, here, will provide some but there is also leading fragrance website fragrantica.com. I just so happened to be there yesterday, examining Tom Ford’s Oud Wood. According to the artificial intelligence that creates detailed information culled from multiple reviews, the scent’s main accords are woody, warm spicy, vanilla, balsamic and amber.

Yum.

Coincidentally, surfing’s great historian Matt Warshaw just so happened to be on fragrantica too, though something different caught his eye.

Surfing Shipstern Bluff for Men by the fast fashion retailer Zara.

Emailing Derek and I, he asked, “Is this for real do you think?”

It looked real to me but Rielly, world savvy, clicked the links and realized it wasn’t available anywhere.

Sad.

Warshaw, anyhow, surmised it would have notes of urine and poison oak.

I think balls would be most forward on the nose.

In any case, it is unfortunate that it is not real but mostly for former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan who would have sprayed liberally over his Filipe Toledo naked chest shirt and tried to hit on Keala Kennelly.

What a weirdo.

"Uncommon weather phenomena on tour."

The weather, amirite? Hurricanes in California, heat waves in Washington, flooding in the Caribbean and zero waves all year on the World Surf League’s Championship Tour. While bloat, poor planning, bad windows, incompetence, falling in love with tourism boards and antiquated event structures could be blamed for the latter, the WSL’s very own Chief Strategist, Dave Prodan, has pointed his wizened finger at another culprit.

Climate change.

Taking to his very popular podcast The Lineup, which acts as a sort of right think propaganda machine for competitive professional surfing at its highest level, Prodan shared with guest Mitch Salazar that “uncommon weather phenomena on tour” led to baby swells during the entire 2023 season.

Dastardly.

But do you think the powers that be will take this into account for next year, paying attention to global warming, cooling, etc. and where waves might be and when or do you imagine that stops one through ten will be moved to Lemoore, California where it is always shoulder high and tubing (stop eleven remaining at Lower Trestles, of course)?

What would Joel Tudor do?