"This thing was massive, a huge tunnel, and I could see Kelly coming right down it in front of me."

The last time we saw the world’s greatest racing car driver and keen surfer Lewis Hamilton on these pages he was embroiled in a racism row with former FI champ Nelson Piquet after the latter described the former using an epithet outlawed to whites and to escape the noise had fled to Malibu.

With trademark sun-kissed braids pulled into a sensible bun, Hamilton was subsequently filmed polishing off a wave with a cool “what-me-worry” style.

“The guy clearly knows what he’s doing … propping himself up on the board and maintaining his balance throughout the run (no porpoising here, thankfully),” wrote TMZ Sports.

Lou’s surf bona fides have long been documented. A regular at the WSL’s Surf Ranch, he has ridden the Melbourne tank and in 2021 posted a moving tribute to Kelly Slater on his Instagram account.

“He probably doesn’t know this but Kelly changed my life for the better. I want you all to know how great of a human being this man is. I am forever grateful for the time you have given me, for the insight and your passion for the waves. Thank you @kellyslater! Can’t wait until we can hit the waves again (praying hands emoji).”

It’s a perilous relationship and reminiscent of Sean “Poopies” McInerny and Jamie O’Brien’s dangerous friendship, the master and commander of the ocean taunting his fall guy into waters far out of his depth.

In fact, Hamilton says he nearly died at “25-foot” Pipeline following a dare from Slater. 

In an interview with the Robb Report Hamilton lays bare the shocking event.

“When someone says ‘you can’t climb that tree,’ I’ll climb it, even if I’ll almost certainly fall out of it.” As if to prove the point, he tells a story about a near-death experience a couple of years ago when he paddled out to Hawaii’s notorious Banzai Pipeline, an iconic surf break, with surfing legend Kelly Slater. “Kelly was like, ‘there’s no way you’re going out there,’” Hamilton says, his eyes sparkling at the memory of the 25-foot wave. “And I was like, ‘Kelly, I’m going out.’”

He paddled to the edge of the wave. “This thing was massive, a huge tunnel, and I could see Kelly coming right down it in front of me,” he continues. “And I just had to make sure I didn’t get sucked in. So I dived down and grabbed the reef and prayed. I could hear the thing land behind me, like a bomb going off. My board got ripped off and snapped in half. I was very close to the end. But that excites me for some reason.”

Couple of takeaways.

You think Lou told the reporter the waves were twenty-five feet or was that an embellishment or presumption of the writer? If he did say it was twenty-five foot, what was the actual size?

Did Lou really grip the famous Pipeline reef and pray?

And how close to the end? Really close or vaguely adjacent?

"If I’d listened to the people who said surfing wasn’t for me due to the melanin my skin possesses, I’d have a different existence."

I doubt if there’s one person who’s ever met Selema Masekela, apart from Chas and Circe and I’m not exactly sure what happened there, some sorta heated legal poison although I don’t dare ask, who doesn’t walk away firmly under his spell. 

Let’s take a snapshot of the first time I met the extreme sports identity. It was 2017 and, along with Chas, I was visiting the Kelly Slater Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California at the invitation of the WSL’s Dave Prodan.

Occupying one of the bench seats in the Surf Ranch’s heated jacuzzi aprés after our allotted waves was Sal, he was Sal back then, and just as I was about to enter the swirling maelstrom, heated to a pleasing one hundred degrees and offering needed respite from the winter cold and a possible cure for a dreadful hangover, his telephone rang. 

Sal asked me to rummage through his colourful outfit which was bundled on a barrel, enough clothes to suggest, or was I hoping, he was nude in the tank, and to pick it up.

It was Kelly Slater. 

“Answer it,” he commanded, which I did. Kelly remained silent when he heard my voice, an early portent of the blood feud that would simmer for the following six years. 

After a howl of laughter and some chortling Sal hung up. Despite an expanded adiposity, he gobbled protein bar after protein bar, informing me of the health-giving properties of the foil-wrapped chocolate chip treats.

Stories flowed like a river of honey and I left, like everyone who spun in his orbit that day, a fan for life.

 

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A post shared by Selema Masekela (@selema)

I didn’t heard from Sal again, only knew in passing that he’d transitioned to  Selema, but today I saw that he had turned a ripe old fifty-two and to mark the occasion had written movingly of his life as a surfer.

Picture number one was taken 35 years ago by my Mom @b2bharmony. Picture number two was taken last week by @patstacyfilm. Today, August 28th, is my 52nd Birthday. The 17 year old in the first slide had no idea where the board under his arm would take him. All he knew was that the moment he stood up for five seconds on that first wave at Cherry Street in Carlsbad, California 1988, his life was changed forever. Addiction ensued.

Since that day, a relentless pursuit of ‘the feeling’ has taken me beyond my wildest dreams and transported me to oceans and seas across the planet. It’s given me deep, meaningful, life long friendships with some truly magnificent human beings and helped me create and evolve a storytelling career I continue to enjoy now more than ever.

On paper, none of this was supposed to happen. I’m from the St. Marks Apartments in Staten Island, NY with a brief cameo in Attleboro, Massachusetts. I’m the son of a South African political exile and a Haitian immigrant. Surfing wasn’t supposed to happen to me but it did. If I’d listened to the people who said surfing wasn’t for me due to the amount of melanin my skin possesses, I’d have an entirely different existence.

There is no box other than the one society works overtime to put you in. Get weird, try some shit that’s not supposed to be for you and see what happens. Oh, and while you’re at it… JOYFULLY TAKE UP ALL THE SPACE YOU CAN.

Ain’t that the truth!

Readers, contribute your Sal stories below. Chas, not you.

Tumbleweeds blow through 1 Billabong Place, Burleigh Heads, former ground zero of the world's biggest surf co.

It was a bleak yuletide last year when Billabong, part of a brace of surf companies then owned by Oaktree, and including Quiksilver and RCVA, sacked sixty employees from its Burleigh Heads HQ. 

The mass layoffs were designed to streamline the biz on paper, sharpen the bottom line.

“I am confident that these changes will set us on the path to achieving our goals and creating a more agile company suited to adapt to the evolving environment,” said Boardriders CEO Arne Arens in a press release, stating the very obvious. Kill the soldiers, fill in the trenches and watch your payroll bill vanish.

Industry insiders told The Gold Coast Bulletin, the sacking were “brutal especially just before Christmas. No one knew who was going to lose their jobs or keep them.”

Now, Billabong’s once-iconic eight acre compound, with parking for 466 cars, a two-storey stand-along retail store, all amid landscaped gardens and on its own little road, is being offered to rent. 

Need space for your burgeoning t-shirt biz? Here’s the sell.

The offering comprises:

• An impressive 2 level standalone retail/showroom fronting Billabong Place; and

• A 2 level office/warehouse building serviced via 2 driveway entries off Billabong Place and capturing around 14,937sqm of GLA across office, warehouse and retail/showroom and ancillary uses.

• Onsite café with outdoor breakout area available to building occupants and their visitors

Office Component:

The main building includes air-conditioned office space over 2 levels serviced via stairs and lift. The standard of office fitout is to a high level with the overall design reflective of the creative nature of the existing business with a blend of floor, ceiling and wall finishes reflecting different zones of the business, substantial breakout and meeting spaces for collaborative working, high ceilings and plenty of natural light. The office space is sub-dividable to suit larger users from 800sqm plus.

Warehouse Component:

The warehouse is 5,456sqm with 560sqm of mezzanine air-conditioned office, kitchen/breakout space, high clearance and loading docks. The access via 2 driveway points enables access for larger vehicles.

At its peak, Billabong was valued at five billion Australian dollars, with its marquee riders all on multi-million dollar salaries, but eventually sold for $390 mill or one dollar a share. A good sponno at Billys now is twenty grand and a small plastic zip-lock bag with stickers of a stylised wave.

Good news for consumers, howevs, as tees are now being schlepped at discount retailers for $13.99 instead of, what, fifty, sixty bucks?