Trouble in paradise?

No there is not one surf fan, on earth, who doesn’t have a Taj Burrow shaped hole in his, or her, heart. The former child prodigy who blazed onto the then Association of Surfing Professionals at the ripe young age of eighteen after becoming the youngest surfer ever to win a national title. Burrow turning down the tour the year previously already the stuff of legend.

His decade plus on tour was marked with scintillating second place season end finishes, Kelly Slater always first.

He also starred in notable films including Sabotaj, Montaj and Fair Bits.

Burrow retired quietly in 2016 and became a devoted family man, marrying model Rebecca Jobson in 2018 and siring two daughters.

You can, then, understand the shock and confusion surf fans felt upon visiting the Billabong star’s social media channels, earlier this morning, and discovering images and videos of a busty gal, decidedly not Rebecca, dominating his feed.

The woman, of vague descent, stared directly at the camera and wore a revealing bathing suit.

“Unfollow,” Matt declared.

“Yeah Taj!!!” Louie added.

Some posited that Burrow’s accounts may have been hacked, an internet sleuth revealing, “When you watch his story it’s just some Indian guy saying ‘swipe up, swipe up, swipe up’ over and over.”

Here’s to hoping that it is simply a south Asian misunderstanding and the family is solid.

Candles please.

Whoop there it is.

Church bells began peeling at exactly 10:06 am Pacific Standard Time as surf journalist Chas Smith pressed “publish” on his 5000th story for the culturally valuable surf blog BeachGrit. While there was some debate as to if various “Open Thread: Comment Live” pieces should count, most put aside fussy bean counting to simply take the moment in.

Smith reached the milestone after nearly nine years of tireless, oftentimes groundbreaking, reporting on topics of essential interest to surfers worldwide including, and almost limited to, Kelly Slater.

Zach Weisberg, founder of cosplay website The Inertia often featured on BeachGrit, was unavailable for comment.

While readers, worldwide, celebrated the moment by lighting candles and going not surfing, attention began turning toward what Smith’s 5001 piece might be. Early buzz suggested something possibly on a new busty brunette in former, and perpetual, world number two Taj Burrow’s life even though he seemed to be happily married.

Anticipation growing to almost dangerous levels.

More as it develops.

This story number 5000 has been brought to you by Ricmatic who would like to remind you that BeachGrit is best consumed by scrolling to the bottom of the page and simply reading the comments.

Multiple middle finger emojis.

I woke this morning ready to will Japan’s Kanoa Igarashi into the Pantheon of Style Gods. Professional surfers, including the just mentioned Igarashi, Eric Hanneman, Crusty Colapinto and Nate Rapoza will be, each, attempting history at winning the U.S. Open of Surfing on the “smallest waves ever witnessed.”

After drinking my AG1.com/surf and making the perfect Americano, I sat down at my computer and was belted right across the mouth with the bloodiest of blood feuds.

Tomson, who is very handsome, hails from South Africa, part of the “free ride” generation and was the 1977 world champ had commented on an unidentified post with the remark, “Love a bit of old school agro.”

Fletcher, who is also very handsome, hails from San Clemente, invented aerial surfing and was the 1989 Surf Bout champ responded, “No you just like to drop in but when someone returns the favor you are the biggest whining bitch in the world then after you are done whining you go call the police!!! Is that what you (t)each as a life coach, who to be a whining bitch go back to Africa Kook!!!!! (plus three middle finger emojis)”

The heavy right hand signaled open season on Tomson and especially after Fletcher asked his followers to share similar stories about “our former world champion whiner.” One told of returning a lot wallet to Tomson and being met with disdain, another of getting stabbed on a pier though that was not related to Tomson, or at least not specifically.

Anyhow, while you are here, do you have any former world champion whiner stories?

Would love to hear them.

This story 4999 has been brought to you by Bailey Ladders which would like to remind you that not everything the company sponsors is embarrassing. Oh wait…