"This is exactly What!, you DO!!!!…. Don’t let anybody snake you!!! And add a face punch!!"

Surf world divides after video of a violent mid-wave assault goes viral! “Don’t let anyone snake you! And add a face punch!”

Derek Rielly

By

"My favourite move to share with tourists and surf influencers."

The surf world has divided itself into two camps tonight after a mid-wave assault, captured on video and loosed to the wolves of Instagram, went viral.

In the video, two surfers take off on a small wave. It is winter for both men’s lean surfer-boy physiques are sculpted against the clingy rubber of their full wetsuits. Shortly after launch, the surfer in front (the drop-in) is taken down by the man behind him, the attacker pushing hard on his toes, grabbing the unwanted guest and pulling him backwards, with both surfers falling on the wave.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by KOOK OF THE DAY (@kookoftheday)

It’s not an unheard of move, your ol pal DR half-jokingly took down an MMA enthusiast a few years back and was quickly disabused of the notion of a beach fight as the man, German, beautiful long blond hair, and with rattlesnakes in his clench fists, screamed, “I put you to sleep soon cocksucker.”

Commentary around the event was roughly divided for and against the shakedown.

We all have our own techniques of how to handle people snaking you. My buddy got arrested for doing this same thing and holding the guy underwater in a choke hold at Tourmaline and he made the local news. I have more fun just grabbing their leash personally.

Both Kooks! If the guy behind really knew what he was doing he would’ve pumped down around him, lifted old mates nose up a bit, which would’ve flicked him off, then keep going. Happy days, no wave blown and physical alteration pretty much avoided

My favorite move to share with tourists and surf influencers

No doubt he’ll explode with road rage on the way home then beat his wife and kids. An upstanding citizen.

This is exactly What!, you DO!!!!…. Don’t let anybody snake you!!! And add a face punch!!

You ever body-locked another surfer in the water for the crime of wave-sharing? Been body-locked?

Did you respond with force or did you take it like decrepit ol crone you are?

Surf fans shocked, confused as beloved family man and former world number two Taj Burrow debuts provocative busty gal on social media channels!

Chas Smith

By

Trouble in paradise?

No there is not one surf fan, on earth, who doesn’t have a Taj Burrow shaped hole in his, or her, heart. The former child prodigy who blazed onto the then Association of Surfing Professionals at the ripe young age of eighteen after becoming the youngest surfer ever to win a national title. Burrow turning down the tour the year previously already the stuff of legend.

His decade plus on tour was marked with scintillating second place season end finishes, Kelly Slater always first.

He also starred in notable films including Sabotaj, Montaj and Fair Bits.

Burrow retired quietly in 2016 and became a devoted family man, marrying model Rebecca Jobson in 2018 and siring two daughters.

You can, then, understand the shock and confusion surf fans felt upon visiting the Billabong star’s social media channels, earlier this morning, and discovering images and videos of a busty gal, decidedly not Rebecca, dominating his feed.

The woman, of vague descent, stared directly at the camera and wore a revealing bathing suit.

“Unfollow,” Matt declared.

“Yeah Taj!!!” Louie added.

Some posited that Burrow’s accounts may have been hacked, an internet sleuth revealing, “When you watch his story it’s just some Indian guy saying ‘swipe up, swipe up, swipe up’ over and over.”

Here’s to hoping that it is simply a south Asian misunderstanding and the family is solid.

Candles please.

Smith (center) with fan. Photo: David Lee Scales
Smith (center) with fan. Photo: David Lee Scales

Surf great Kelly Slater, Jonah Hill, Tom Brady, Erik Logan, Ashton Goggans, Jessi Miley-Dyer, Shakira, a man-eating great white shark and Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen walk into a bar!

Chas Smith

By

Whoop there it is.

Church bells began peeling at exactly 10:06 am Pacific Standard Time as surf journalist Chas Smith pressed “publish” on his 5000th story for the culturally valuable surf blog BeachGrit. While there was some debate as to if various “Open Thread: Comment Live” pieces should count, most put aside fussy bean counting to simply take the moment in.

Smith reached the milestone after nearly nine years of tireless, oftentimes groundbreaking, reporting on topics of essential interest to surfers worldwide including, and almost limited to, Kelly Slater.

Zach Weisberg, founder of cosplay website The Inertia often featured on BeachGrit, was unavailable for comment.

While readers, worldwide, celebrated the moment by lighting candles and going not surfing, attention began turning toward what Smith’s 5001 piece might be. Early buzz suggested something possibly on a new busty brunette in former, and perpetual, world number two Taj Burrow’s life even though he seemed to be happily married.

Anticipation growing to almost dangerous levels.

More as it develops.

This story number 5000 has been brought to you by Ricmatic who would like to remind you that BeachGrit is best consumed by scrolling to the bottom of the page and simply reading the comments.

Cote knows the best revenge is served ice cold!

World Surf League commentator-turned vigilante Chris Cote offers cash to hostage-takers of pedophile Lost Prophets frontman Ian Watkins

Derek Rielly

By

Watkins is doing 29 years for crimes against kids so damn awful the sentencing judge said the case “plunged into new depths of depravity.” 

If you knew Chris Cote like I know Chris Cote, you’d find the sweetest Peewee Herman-esque lover of life, gags, tumbling, surf all day, party all night, and positivity wherever he can find it.

Also a shill for the World Surf League, but we all gotta make a living, am I right? 

Now, the man once described below the line by TodaysEmpiresTomorrowsAshes as “a pre-pubescent boy trapped in the body of a middle-aged man wrapped in the wardrobe of a 00s So-Cal high schooler” has offered cash to the murderer hostage-takers of convicted pedophile Ian Watkins, the former frontman of lightly famous soft rock band Lost Prophets. 

Watkins, who is forty-six, is doing twenty-nine years at HMP Wakefield, one of the worst of Britain’s prisons, for crimes against kids so damn awful the sentencing judge said the case “broke new ground” and “plunged into new depths of depravity.” 

Thirteen child sex offences, the rape and sexual assault of a kid under thirteen, conspiring to rape a fan’s baby, three counts of sexual assault with kids, seven counts of making and possessing indecent photos of kids and one of possessing an “extreme pornographic image” involving a sex act on an animal. Yeah, oowee.

Anyway, Watkins is hovering on that fragile tight-rope between life and death after being held hostage for six hours by other inmates and subsequently beaten and stabbed on Saturday morn. 

When the story was tweeted, Cote, a father of two, responded, “Can you list the names of the guys that did this? I’d like to donate some money to their commissary as a thank you.” 

Vigilantism has a certain appeal, don’t it, a Clint Eastwood sorta feel where dumb laws can be bypassed if deemed ineffective, and where right-thinking citizens can dole out eye-for-eye punishments.

Of course, as the quote goes, “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster”.

 

Fletcher mad.
Fletcher mad.

Blood Feud: Surfing bad boy Christian Fletcher explodes on elder statesman Shaun Tomson in expletive-laden tirade!

Chas Smith

By

Multiple middle finger emojis.

I woke this morning ready to will Japan’s Kanoa Igarashi into the Pantheon of Style Gods. Professional surfers, including the just mentioned Igarashi, Eric Hanneman, Crusty Colapinto and Nate Rapoza will be, each, attempting history at winning the U.S. Open of Surfing on the “smallest waves ever witnessed.”

After drinking my AG1.com/surf and making the perfect Americano, I sat down at my computer and was belted right across the mouth with the bloodiest of blood feuds.

Tomson, who is very handsome, hails from South Africa, part of the “free ride” generation and was the 1977 world champ had commented on an unidentified post with the remark, “Love a bit of old school agro.”

Fletcher, who is also very handsome, hails from San Clemente, invented aerial surfing and was the 1989 Surf Bout champ responded, “No you just like to drop in but when someone returns the favor you are the biggest whining bitch in the world then after you are done whining you go call the police!!! Is that what you (t)each as a life coach, who to be a whining bitch go back to Africa Kook!!!!! (plus three middle finger emojis)”

The heavy right hand signaled open season on Tomson and especially after Fletcher asked his followers to share similar stories about “our former world champion whiner.” One told of returning a lot wallet to Tomson and being met with disdain, another of getting stabbed on a pier though that was not related to Tomson, or at least not specifically.

Anyhow, while you are here, do you have any former world champion whiner stories?

Would love to hear them.

This story 4999 has been brought to you by Bailey Ladders which would like to remind you that not everything the company sponsors is embarrassing. Oh wait…

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
EAT BEACHGRIT SPAM!
It's Daily!