The "definitive voice of surfing" goes attack mode.
There are few things as reliable, on this ever-changing earth, than The Inertia gettin’ goofy. Founded in 2010 by Virginia Beach local Zach Weisberg who “was inspired to launch what would become the template for the vulnerable adult learner tsunami following a talk by the Huff Post’s Arianna Huffington in 2010,” the “definitive voice of surf and the outdoors” has risen to the very peak of unintentional parody.
The Inertia’s editorial voice, described as paternalism mixed with dismissiveness ladled with passive-aggression and served warm with the emotional seasoning of a college campus safe space genre, is employed to accidentally clown all manner of surf-adjacent business, from beach wagons to the correct pronunciation of Teahupo’o, was, yesterday, formed into a weapon and used to injure the beloved actress Jennifer Lawrence.
You will certainly recall the Academy Award winner from star turns in Silver Linings Playbook, The Hunger Games and American Hustle to name but a very few. Her new picture, No Hard Feelings, is set in the seaside town of Montauk and follows Maddie, played by Lawrence, who “on the brink of losing her home, finds an intriguing job listing: helicopter parents looking for someone to bring their introverted 19-year-old son out of his shell before college. She has one summer to make him a man or die trying.”
The Inertia, anyhow, lights right in, savaging the film for its inaccurate portrayal of the surf lifestyle.
Surfers and surfboards are placed strategically from scene to scene. Brand new, unwaxed, leashless shortboards are shown stored in the bright sunlight in a board rack on the front lawn of Maddie’s house. Does Maddie surf? She never talks about surfing, drives a sedan without board racks, and beelines it to a flat beach when she takes Percy (her love interest) to the ocean.
Even worse, one of the main characters, Jim, is supposed to be a surfer, played by believably surfy-looking Scott MacArthur. Points given that he drives a van, but points redacted for there being nothing in the van. No wax, no leashes, no wetsuits, no tubs to soak booties… nothing.
The piece is titled Why Can’t Hollywood Get Surfing Right?” which echoes surf Buddha, and The Inertia contributor, Sam George’s declarative film Hollywood Don’t Surf.
Back to the issues at hand. Are sedans with board racks and vans with bootie-soaking tubs what truly marks a surfer?
What about a really kitted out beach wagon?
What does “surfer” look like to you?
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Gary Turner, Redline, PK Ripper, Diamond Back, Mongoose…
Good thing Zac didn’t get his filthy paws on those companies. The stoner biker crew wearing Iron Maiden shirts wouldn’t let him in their squad cuz he couldn’t bunny hop.
Hey Chas and beach grit. We already went through this years ago.
Please remove immediately my photo from your article and do not use it anymore.
Or if you want to use it, you can pay my usage rights.
A movie that does get surfing right….Breathe, with Simon Baker
After the mind and body control techniques targeted at us by the evil monster Fauci etc during covid, most surfers nowadays look and sound like the “stoked bloke”. Frazzled, gibbering wrecks fighting for a past where men still ruled and leashes were uncool.
fuck me…xox
counting down the minutes til DR uses ‘horizontal meat smoker’ in a headline…
…. she’s a cooking and baking savant. Hell on my waistline, but it’s a delicious life.
cliche, but ‘Linger’ still gets stuck in my head a couple times per week
where can i watch it? pandora?
Oppenheimmer first~
I began surfing in 1960 during high school. I know what surfing was but only to me. My roof racks were stolen near Swami’s and the Rosicrucian guys said I could store my board (a 9’10 Hobie) on their property until I came down again to retrieve it. I mainly surfed at Seal Beach and alone. Malibu was not a pleasant surf spot. Gas was 25 Cents and from Glendale to Will Rogers state beach cost $1.20 since the V8 Flathead on a 1951 Ford Shoebox round trip got maybe 20 mpg. It always had a vapor lock on the way back to Glendale which meant a half hour pause in an hour trip.
Ok Grandpa, let’s get you to bed. Just kidding. Your comment was way better than the article.
You’re lucky you didn’t go to D Street. Swami’s crew let you off easy.
It’s times like these that I google “the fappening” and go to the images tab.
They look like this, don’t they:
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Or otherwise they look like people in the hit film Superbad
Well, one thing for sure, a surfer to me, does Not look like anyone at the Inertia—a bunch of wannabes, sell-outs, Sup-riding, blade-foil riding, do anything to make a buck, sell-outs,
with Zac as their ring-leader, followed by Haro and Cranberry.
Don’t know how those kooks live with themselves—no consciences I think.
This bitch looks like she has been passed around at a few cockinthetail parties.
And where’s their PUINSAI bumper sticker? Kooks!
No rinse kit either ? Fucken scam xox
Remember bongs in cars? That was an absolute ripper.
Xox
Ripping ’em
“surfer” looks like this…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
It sure does.
Post of the year!!!
Quote: ‘The saving grace for ‘Surfer, Dude’ is that Willie Nelson is featured in it. But as for ‘No Hard Feelings’? Without any special guests, I’m not sure it gets a pass. I can look past the weird sexual setup of a 32-year-old woman dating a 19-year-old for money. But leaving your CI Mid in the baking hot sun for a whole summer? That’s unforgivable.’
Not as unforgivable as worshiping a ‘CI Mid’.