Unearthed footage of David Beckham surfing Tavarua re-emerges as well as the shock reason it was buried for twenty years!

“My arms are aching," says Becks' former assistant Rebecca Loos. "It lasts for about 10 minutes, and he starts thrusting really hard and then I grip."

Lately, I’ve been muscling away the sooty clouds of sadness, those memories of loss etc that only come at night or creep into your head in the pre-dawn, with a Netflix series about the larger than life soccer player David Beckham. 

Beckham, who is forty-eight, is like a locomotive and indeed the television feels too small to contain his energy. Disappointing is the lack of energy dedicated by the filmmakers to cover his myriad carnal adventures with glamorous women whose lipstick is slashed across their mouths like iodine. 

Although denied by Beckham’s team, a man would have to be a monk not to risk his balls in the fire for the freaky rogue’s gallery of groupie sexpots that followed the wildly handsome Becks around. 

One, Becks’ former assistant Rebecca Loos, would later jerk a pig off in a reality TV show stunt.

“My arms are aching,” she complains. “It lasts for about 10 minutes, and he starts thrusting really hard and then I grip.”

(Tell me about it, girlfriend!)

Now, it can be revealed that Beckham starred as a surfer alongside fellow soccer superstars Roberto Carlos, Thierry Henry,  Ronaldinho, Raul Gonzales, Fernando Torres and Rafael Van Der Vaart in a long-disappeared Pepsi advertisement, the brand’s ultra-budget marketing campaign for 2005.

The surfing was shot on Tavarua in Fiji and a ten-foot high “water wall” behind a movable platform was built at a private airport near Madrid where the players filmed their parts. 

As good as the ad was, “best sports advertisement of all time”, Pepsi pulled it after a few weeks following the 2004 tsunami that disappeared a quarter-mill souls in Indonesia, Sri Lanka, India and Thailand.

(Editor’s note: regular readers might denote this as one of those “slow news days” stories which indeed it is.)