"It's huge!"
We, of course, know Kelly Slater as one of the most environmentally conscious people on the planet. He is a surf champion, yes, 11 times over and the greatest to ever do it. He is also earth first in nearly everything. His sustainable clothing brand OuterKnown produces warm shirts and comfortable pants made from used fishing line. His sustainable sandal, inspired by the great romance between the moon and turtles, are made from algae.
In four words, green to the max.
Those who call The United Arab Emirates home know Kelly Slater differently. To them, he is an industrialist of old. Chewing up the earth in order to create monuments to man’s primacy over it. Bulldozers rumbling, diesel smoke filling the air. A giant pool filled with water emerging in a desert.
Kelly Slater Wuz Here
Whispers of his grand Abu Dhabi Surf Ranch have been percolating for some time now but they were only that. Whispers. How did it look? Like Lemoore or different?
Thanks to an Emirati Air Force pilot, we now know. It looks like this.
And this.
Big.
Though did I ever tell you about the time that I almost went to work for the Emirati Air Force? It’s true. I flew to Washington D.C. to interview and it went very well. They offered me a job almost immediately and I was supposed to move to Abu Dhabi where I would be put up in a new project, have a food budget and a fine salary. I decided not to take the position for some reason and look at me now.
A very cool surf journalist and also one half of a long-running podcast that discusses surf adjacent themes.
I suppose if I had taken that job, though, I would soon be surfing Kelly Slater’s monument to himself.
Alas.
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Sounds like something called jealousy on your part
So Slater just left every root he ever had, and literally caters to the super rich, and for a sport that has gotten him where he is, to abandon surfing, real surfing, you remember… sun, sand, ocean, waves, ditching, pitching, pearling, knurling sand bars, beach breaks reef breaks, paying your dues to even use the “surfer” name … to throw all that out for a pool and rich peeps learning literally hands held for the stand-up and ride … it’s disgusting, he’s not the GOAT , … a goat a grazing hooved goat of greed . Meanwhile Shane Dorian gets less live and he’s out there with stem cell therapies just so he can continue his chase of big waves in the really real ocean, with really real waves, and Slater has developed an AI version of surfing. Great job .. yep. Can beachgrit do anymore to kiss his @$$.
Competitive surfing for sure
pics of taylor & a football player and commercials for cable & insurance & drug companies and surf blogs are all you need~ fuck TMZ. we’re Bg y dog, dog…formerly known as…Slab.
I cant wait to blast chas and derrek both in the face with my shin for your disrespect to so many for your clickbait website . see you both soon.
Fun fact; Dez does BBJ and Chas can do Ballet!… I love your spirit but it would cost you a coupla gees for the round trip flight Aus to US plus spending money, poor conversion rates, hire cars.. the list goes on….
lol.
Gosh!
You know, violence solves nothing.
Disappointed that they didn’t make a 10x scale rusty plunger.
They need to get it finished before all the old hasbeens are to old to front up to roll it out like last time Jerry Kanga Rabbit Pt MR TC (×2) Nick C , etc etc , lets not forget those cunts helped sell the WSL pool events …and eventualy helped fuck Proffesional surfing.
If TC [u] ever fronts one if these, that’d be one effing disappointing sellout.
Curren has surfed it three time that i have seen .
I think that’s the slave Manatee cleaning the algae off the bottom and spelling his name.
Hope it has a roof.
Surfing in a thawb will be the next big thing. Can’t wait to see Laird wearing one.
Wait, Em Rata has her own airforce?
Alhough ELo’s Abu Dhabi project was rumoured to be the world’s longest wavepool, measurements show its actually a scratch shorter than Lemoore.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
However it is wider, with an interesting ‘W’ shaped break on the inside.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
P.S.
Lemoore is actually in a North-South orientation, whereas Abu Dhabi is NE-SW as shown (with Mecca to the WSW).
P.P.S.
Kelly should ditch those sunglasses before he gives Bono a run in the Giant Douche vs Turd Sandwich race…
Correct,….but can you get meth, a hooker, and a new identity a block from the tub over there?
If you’re a member of the ‘Royal Family’ that’s on the 3rd floor of your residence
California love.
Get more, with Lemoore…
Kelly sold the pools long ago. Isn’t this Elo’s legacy to surfing? Along with running the WSL into the wall, of course.
Never miss an opportunity to troll or blame Kelly.
He usually has his finger in the pie so-to-speak anyway
The one that confirms what have known for some time now, Chas is a giant pussy?
Poo-Stance means something entirely different in Abu Dhabi
there’s only one thing that matters in the middle east right now, and this ain’t it…
That’s right, it’s oil!
touche.
I wonder what his stance on slave labor is? Probably a few bumps in the concrete before that thing is done.
Check his press release here:
“The south Asian employees are housed near the construction site which avoids the use of fossil fuels getting them to and from the worksite.
Their meals are jointly prepared in a commissary run by their employer that utilizes economy of scale to eliminates food waste, thus saving wasteless use of the fossil fuels used in the production of food.
The housing was sustainably built with local materials. The builders managed to complete construction without using plastics like PVC or PEX. The builders also avoided the use of metals to avoid the negative environmental impact of casting foundries.
The employer controls the sexual and social relationships of their employees, thus reducing biomass stress on the environment.”
All worker passports have been shredded and used for insulation.
All workers will be disposed at the local organic chia garden.
That has to be one of the most egregious examples of bullshit green-washing ever printed (if its real).
lol I made it up sorry.
All sexual and gender orientations welcome … not
slabs…
Did they offer you a shitty flip phone like this guys with the job? Care to reveal this mystery position with a foreign air force?