Scandal erupts as Canadian Prime Minister, heartthrob, Justin Trudeau spends first-ever day honoring “lives lost and destroyed in the country’s detestable treatment of Indigenous peoples” by going surfing!

Seven layers of privilege.

Canada’s Prime Minister, official heartthrob Justin Trudeau has been leading his humble country for six years now, steering his Liberal Party to the very height of power. Dashing, daring, handsome.

Oh, the 50-year-old has had some run-ins with bad publicity, for example when photos surfaced of Trudeau wearing the very forbidden blackface not once, or twice, but thrice. At the time, he said, he did not understand the hurt he caused because “the layers of privilege that I have.”

And yesterday, too, when he spent Canada’s very first truth and reconciliation day surfing in Tofino.

The day was meant to “honour lives both lost and destroyed through our country’s detestable treatment of our Indigenous peoples,” and many were frustrated by the PM’s choice.

According to the Toronto Sun, “Tk’emlúps te Secwepemc, the First Nations community near Kamloops, B.C. where the bodies of as many 200 children were found buried outside of a residential school, tweeted they’d extended two ‘heartfelt’ invitations for the Prime Minister to commemorate the day with survivors and their families.”

Policy analysts imagine the snub will deepen the riffs between Trudeau and Canada’s Indigenous community.

Conservative Party of Canada spokesperson Chelsea Tucker piled on, declaring, “Truth and Reconciliation Day shouldn’t be treated like a holiday — but that’s what Justin Trudeau did.”

Trudeau, for his part, remained silent, maybe hooting his bros into kegs, maybe paying homage to the ancient Hawaiians.

Tough to say.

Back to layers of privilege, though, I have a good mind to make a nice seven layers of privilege dip for tomorrow’s college football Saturday.


Simmers (pictured) riding high.
Simmers (pictured) riding high.

Listen: And Tyler Wright shall be like Damien Hardman, forever swept away by the all-new, all-high-flying female Momentum Generation!


Imagine being Damien Hardman. One moment there you are The Iceman bashing Kong, hoisting Bells bells, sipping on gin and juice. The next you have been utterly and completely nullified by a new crop of brash young things calling themselves “The Momentum Generation” all listening to Pennywise and doing whirligigs on their weird surfboards.

But such are seismic shifts and to be, accidentally, on the other side when one is happening is to be truly unlucky.

Hardman got earthquaked with Slater, Machado, Dorian, Knox, et. al. progressing surfing at a ludicrous pace and sent off to early-adjacent retirement.

Now, so to will Tyler Wright and the rest of the women on the current World Surf League Championship Tour, or at least according to David Lee Scales.

I asked him about Caitlin Simmers’ U.S. Open win over the weekend and what it meant. “She surfs like Dane Reynolds,” he told me. “Between her, Sierra Kerr, Erin Brooks etc. there is going to be a total bloodletting on tour. These girls are going to be like the Momentum Generation, sweeping in and taking everyone out. It’s over.”

I asked him if Stephanie Gilmore would survive.

“Yes,” he responded. “She’ll be like Tom Curren.”

It’s good to be queen.

Listen here.

Surf darling, pop sensation Shakira attacked by wild boars in Spain, bravely faces son at moment of truth: “They’ve destroyed everything. Milan, tell the truth. Say how your mummy stood up to the wild boar.”

Kill 'em all.

I don’t know if any VAL (Vulnerable Adult Learner) story is as heartwarming as pop sensation Shakira’s. Just one month ago she took to Instagram, from the Basque Country Wavegarden, to order her VAL peers to teach their children to surf.

A theoretical decimation of an invasive species but, speaking of, our surf darling was just attacked by two wild boars whilst hiking with her son, Milan, in a park near Barcelona.

According to the BBC:

She shared her bizarre tale in a series of Instagram stories on Wednesday.

Holding the now recovered but torn bag towards the camera, she said: “Look at how two wild boar which attacked me in the park have left my bag.”

“They were taking my bag to the woods with my mobile phone in it,” the singer continued. “They’ve destroyed everything.”

She then turned to her son, whose father is the Barcelona footballer Gerard Piqué, and said: “Milan tell the truth. Say how your mummy stood up to the wild boar.”

Apparently nasty wild boar are reaching epic proportions in Catalonia. Too many rooting etc.

I, myself, experienced the pestilence on Oahu and hunted one to death.

Read here.

But now to VALS.

What to do?

How to sort?

When will bags go missing etc.?

More as the story develops.

Star of television flop “The Ultimate Surfer” lands dream gig: “Bachelor Nation – I couldn’t be more thrilled to be home. Word on the street is it’s pretty AMAZING around here!”

A star is born.

ABC and World Surf League reality television program The Ultimate Surfer wrapped last week, or maybe the week before, with Zeke Lau and Tia Blanco holding trophies high over their heads, World Championship Tour wildcards stuffed into boardshort pockets.

It was an absolute flop, by standards, shedding viewers episode to episode and ending its run dead last in its Monday night time slot.

But I thought a star would rise from those Nielsen ashes, was almost certain, and that it would be Joe Turpel. “Sitting there, behind a desk, wearing his classic short-sleeved Hawaiian button-up, skin buttery tan, chestnut hair coiffed around headphone microphone combination, blue eyes flashing, voice pure single batch Mrs. Butterworth syrup, Turpel owned the screen, undeniably, and is now, officially, on a collision course with fame, fortune…” I wrote at the time positive that we would see him soar.

Well, Turpel is back to calling professional surfing but his castmate, host Jesse Palmer, has just been announced as the new host of perennial hit The Bachelor.

“For more than 20 years, The Bachelor has brought the world dozens of unforgettable love stories, including at one time, my own,” Palmer told celebrity lifestyle magazine Us Weekly. “Falling in love is one of life’s greatest gifts, and I am humbled by the opportunity to return to the show as host this season to offer the newest Bachelor advice gained from firsthand experience and I am grateful to play a small part in his journey.”

He also took to Twitter, declaring, “Bachelor Nation- I couldn’t be more thrilled to be home with my @bachelorabc family! Word on the street is it’s pretty AMAZING around here!” ending the missive with a rose emoji.

Palmer replaces old host Chris Harrison who got in very much trouble, disappeared, for defending Bachelor winner Rachael Kirkconnell after photographs surfaced of her standing in front of plantation for a Old South-themed fraternity party when she was nineteen.

ABC has not announced that Joe Turpel will be this year’s Bachelor but my fingers are still crossed.

More as the story develops.

"I'm just getting kinda TO'd. I mean, she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet."

Shockwave sent through surf world as WSL star Ellie-Jean Coffey and sister Holly-Daze are removed from Instagram, losing over two million followers, following multiple complaints from disgruntled fans, “We did it, lads. All those reports of scam/fraud actually worked!”

Incels, keeping Instagram safe and welcoming.

Hell hath no fury like an Incel scorned, a maxim proved true last month after the surf-stars-turned-adult-entertainers Ellie-Jean Coffey and her sister Holly-Daze had their wildly successful Instagram accounts, both with over one-million followers, removed from the platform after a series of apparently coordinated and, likely, vexatious, complaints. 

(The sadness of fans linked, I think, to grave disappointment, for reality is always a shock after fantasy, and not actual fraud.)

It’s been a year since the former world number twenty-five surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey took to Instagram to announce her ten-dollars-a-month subscriber-only website that promised “uncensored content, private chat and more.”

Some fans were disappointed when the ten dollars a month (US) only cracked the door to a banner asking for much larger sums, $65, $85 for the holy grail of “fingering pussy”, “taking panties off” and so on.

A Reddit thread on the topic revealed a community of disappointed men.

One wrote, “She just sent me a post saying she’s using her vibrator on her pussy, and charging $150 for it. Lmao what the fuck does this girl think she can get away with?!” 

The Redditors created an encrypted chat room on Discord to share explicit content bought from the site. 

A socialist experiment where capital is pooled and the harvest shared.

At the time, the group’s latest crowd fund was to buy a $120 video that promised, “PUSSY FUCKED. My bare pussy getting penetrated by DICK for my birthday. UNCENSORED and NSFW XXX action for over 5 mins.”

Like all socialist experiments, heavy with good intention but operating at odds with basic human nature, the chat room descended into brutal internecine fighting before reuniting in a bid to have EJ removed from Instagram. 

“Haha yep, we did it lads,” wrote one. “All those reports of scam/fraud actually worked on both Holly and Ellie. Serves them right.”

When it was discovered she’d created another account, reports were quickly forward to Instagram. 

“Well that wasn’t hard,” wrote one Redditor with a screen shot of a thank you from Instagram for his diligent reporting. 

Meanwhile, on the Discord, videos continue to be shared and examined in forensic detail for flaws.

About an explicit short film of a tanned ass raised, and with a two-headed dildo poised at the nexus of reproduction and waste, one writes, “Yeah and how would you know it went in? Can’t see anything, looks like it’s rubbed outside if anything.” 

Another screen grabs the moment of glory where one head has disappeared, “Looks in to me.” 

“Fair enough I’ll copy that. Still a shit vid where you see fuck all.” 

Difficult to please etc. 

Holly-Daze, meanwhile, has kicked live her back-up account on Instagram, which is already at 50k followers.