A star is born.
ABC and World Surf League reality television program The Ultimate Surfer wrapped last week, or maybe the week before, with Zeke Lau and Tia Blanco holding trophies high over their heads, World Championship Tour wildcards stuffed into boardshort pockets.
It was an absolute flop, by standards, shedding viewers episode to episode and ending its run dead last in its Monday night time slot.
But I thought a star would rise from those Nielsen ashes, was almost certain, and that it would be Joe Turpel. “Sitting there, behind a desk, wearing his classic short-sleeved Hawaiian button-up, skin buttery tan, chestnut hair coiffed around headphone microphone combination, blue eyes flashing, voice pure single batch Mrs. Butterworth syrup, Turpel owned the screen, undeniably, and is now, officially, on a collision course with fame, fortune…” I wrote at the time positive that we would see him soar.
Well, Turpel is back to calling professional surfing but his castmate, host Jesse Palmer, has just been announced as the new host of perennial hit The Bachelor.
“For more than 20 years, The Bachelor has brought the world dozens of unforgettable love stories, including at one time, my own,” Palmer told celebrity lifestyle magazine Us Weekly. “Falling in love is one of life’s greatest gifts, and I am humbled by the opportunity to return to the show as host this season to offer the newest Bachelor advice gained from firsthand experience and I am grateful to play a small part in his journey.”
He also took to Twitter, declaring, “Bachelor Nation- I couldn’t be more thrilled to be home with my @bachelorabc family! Word on the street is it’s pretty AMAZING around here!” ending the missive with a rose emoji.
Palmer replaces old host Chris Harrison who got in very much trouble, disappeared, for defending Bachelor winner Rachael Kirkconnell after photographs surfaced of her standing in front of plantation for a Old South-themed fraternity party when she was nineteen.
ABC has not announced that Joe Turpel will be this year’s Bachelor but my fingers are still crossed.
More as the story develops.
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Woah what a surprise. The title is woman saves men. First sentence in the article is, FEMiNiSM. Fuk off report something without your biased views.
The bachelor will just have to hand out the roses and “reset” – surely Turps was a shoe in?
Louder is generally better
Say hello to my snotty friend.
beam me up, Snotty!
My snot is now considered a deadly weapon, who needs guns.
I’ll spit on your gravy.
As long as that’s Ben (Chong) Gravy’s gravy, you have my full support…
I’m a super spreader
Trust me
“Bachelor Nation- I couldn’t be more thrilled to be home with my @bachelorabc family!”
Imagine saying something as inane and meaningless
he is a shallow hollow empty vessel, Perfect for the job
Joe “Turpentine” Turpel is committed to the WSL script. Deeply committed. Unhealthy even.
How can we expect Joey to flip the flop. Flip the script to The Bachelor from the flop The Ultimate Surfer?!!!
Shiiiiiiiiiiiit! Everyone knows Joey’s a flim flam’r, not a flip flop’r.
Shitty Joe’s (aka Joey ‘Shitheap’ Turdpile’s) chestnut hair coiffed around your ‘Coos Bay cum Cardiff’ man sausage more like.
P.S.
You need your ears cleaned again Chas, Shitty Joe’s voice is more akin to finger nails on a blackboard, than velvety smooth syrup…
I was thinking of questions such as – what is heavier, a ton of lead or a ton of feathers?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Chas, Hollywood casting agent you ain’t!
I think The Ultimate Surfer can become a successful show with a few tweaks. The setting will be a large ranch house in Mexico or El Salvador, a few miles inland. There are General Knowledge tests that all contestants have to do. The more questions they get right the longer they can charge their electric bikes. Some dumb cunts will have to walk all the many miles to the coast, disadvantaging themselves in the process. Then they will be judged on their performance in the ocean!
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milquetoast
After the failure of his vapid Ultimate Fighter/Bachelor train wreck, Elo see’s the writing on the wall for his upcoming shitty, surf-version-ripoff of Formula 1: Drive To Survive. So, he pivots to poaching another idea based on the next big show… Squid Game. Except he doesn’t realize it’s NOT a reality series and ends up actually killing off hundreds of QS and CT surfers with the exception of the winners who are, say, Tyler Wright and Zeke Lau. Oh, and after contestants lose and are brutally killed their corpses are loaded up into, you guessed, a flashy new Jeep, and driven off the set.
Would it not be wonderful if Bachelor Joe could reunite , and Marry 1989 world champ ?
Picking the eyes out of it as a collective , and later ….. in the jacuzzi , watch the cream rise to the top .
Or will love tear them apart again ?
If the countless hours that Joe Turpel and Martin Potter spent together in the booth actually led them to reconsidering their sexuality and fall in love with one another and then end up in a loving, healthy homosexual relationship!?!?!?! And they break the news live during a webcast!?! I would be SOOOOOOO pumped, the Wozzle would have a fan for life.
La Man from La Mancha comes to mind
Cervantes’s Don Quixote
https://youtu.be/oo7VlD66ISM
How bout them brows!
They be throwing more shade than Slater ?
Vanilla Fu Man Chu.. !
Catweazle …..but in today’s hirsute climate he just looks like an aging hipster having a bad hair day ?
Such a great song!
It’s to die for
Bachelor Turpel…
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