"There's no consequences because it's so diluted. The local people don't have that…clout… that they had before."
The North Shore strongman Fast Eddie Rothman, daddy to big-wave world champ and ukulele prodigy Makua and almond-eyed vlogger Koa, needs very little introduction.
Although if you did swing into the sport late, and who didn’t I suppose, the following story, from the old Chas Smith book Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell, where Fast Eddie slaps everyone at the Billabong House might be instructive.
He had left his compound at Backyards, a famously localized surf spot, after the sun set and drove south on O’opuola street before turning east on the Kamehameha highway, gripping his steering wheel with scarred knuckles.
He passed Ted’s Bakery, known for its plate lunches, its cream pies, and its impossibly slow service. He passed the only Chevron for miles, run by a family of transgendered Samoans who flirt freely when handing over packs of cigarettes or change. They are each over six feet tall, two hundred pounds, with the daintiest touches of eye shadow and blush.
He passed the rotting fruit stand selling fresh passion fruit and pineapple, Ehukai Beach Park and its just erected “Billabong Presents the Pipe Masters in Memory of Andy Irons” scaffolding, set up for the contest that would run the next day.
He passed sunset Beach Elementary school and then he abruptly turned right, without signaling, onto Ke Nui Road.Ke Nui is the size of a small alley and runs parallel to the Kamehameha for a rough mile. Banyans and palms hover over it like a frescoed ceiling.
There are no streetlights. Night can feel thick on Ke Nui. Dense. Eddie drove over the speed bumps without slowing and then slammed to a stop at its end. Directly in front of the Billabong house.
He got out of his car, went through the wooden gate and up the rock stairs and straight inside without ringing the doorbell and without the customary removal of slippahs.
Inside the house he paused briefly, glancing around, before walking up to Graham Stapelberg and fixing him in his dull gaze. Looking through him. Before reaching a scarred knuckled hand through time and space and grabbing his throat. The surfers and executives, those who had not yet left for Surfer Poll, froze. The horror. This horror.
And Eddie reached his other hand back, back, back, and then, as if it was a slingshot, launched it forward. It smashed into Graham’s cheek with a painful thud. Eddie kept slapping him and then dumped him in a pile and went on a tear through the house.
I have very fond memories of being welcomed into the Rothman compound on one of my early forays to the North Shore, meeting little Makua and baby Koa, and being granted an audience with Fast Eddie himself, of whom I wrote many complimentary things.
And deservedly so.
Anyway, during the Vans broadcast, Fast Eddie lit up with his classically ominous humour when it came to regulating, as they like to say over there.
After saying there was no way in hell the Backdoor Shootout would’ve run in those conditions (“We want it big, we want it gnarly, we want it Pipe,” said Fast Eddie) he described Pipeline in 2023 as a “shitshow.
“There’s two hundred people out there sometimes. (Mimicking foreign accent) ‘I’m at the Pipelinnee, I love the Pipelinnee.’ You don’t even know what the bottom looks like. You’re gonna surf it, I’m here I’m gonna charge it. The respect for the local people has gone. You don’t come to other countries like, say, Brazil, paddle out at their break and start catching all their waves. You’ll get your ass beat. But over here it’s changed now. There’s no consequences because it’s so diluted. The local people don’t have that…clout… that they had before.”
Fast Eddie added, “We kept it a lot safer. Send ’em in… what’s the big deal. We used to that from V-land all the way down the coast.”
“Community regulation is a good thing,” said Makua.
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How safe Eddie Regulations man keep’n it safe for addicted kid clients, wonder?
Who is Michael Miske? Michael Miske and Eddie’s river is called Dengue Fever?
https://www.bloomberg.com/n…
Wonder if chas’es brown noseing rothman got him a wave in the linup, nah dought it…
“world champ and ukulele prodigy” Wonderfully concise perfection. And that, ladies, is why I keep renewing my subscription year after year. Cheque’s in the mail.
Old Eddie’s alright by me.
Don’t know who’ has been to the North Sore recently, but it could use some regulation.
Haleiwa has become the homeless drug zombie pit of hell.
The amount of effort Eddie puts in to his tough guy persona is hardcore. He is actively thinking about how he sounds and looks at all times. Must be exhausting being such a fucking imposter.
“Community regulation”, aka racism
How does Ed Rothman get paid?
Really?
After ww3 is wrapped up in a few years, the chinese will run things in Hawaii. Thats full circle. Back to the origin. Should make everyone happy.
You following the Chad method of absolutely not endearing yourself to Hawaii in any way whatsoever? How in the fuck are the Chinese related to origins of Hawaii by the way?
They inhabited the islands. By the way, I have nothing but love for the geographical location.
Complete ignorance. When the fuck do you think the Chinese “inhabited” Hawaii? That’s complete and utter bullshit, didn’t happen. Granted there are Chinese residents of Hawaii but the cuntry of China never held Hawaii in any way whatsoever.
They came from Taiwan (China), became known as polynesians, then travelled through the pasific and landed in Hawaii. Take it easy my newfound friend, dont kill the messenger (why so much hostilty towards scientific facts?)
That’s based on hypothetical ideas, nothing factual or proven. Seems full of hidden meaning though. Saying Polynesians are Chinese is just ignorant twisting of history turning hypothesis into fact. Its not that simple. You do realize hypothesis are not facts, correct?
Why do you hate on the chinese? You don’t know Ho’s Ho on Oahu?
Only hating on you, not the Chinese.
I’m pretty sure genetic studies show that the current population living on Taiwan actually displaced the Polynesians, but some DNA from the current inhabitants went on the diaspora journey.
It’s actually a really crazy and interesting part of history. The stuff ancient Polynesians did as navigators and sailors is probably up there with the gnarliest stuff anyone has done in the ocean. Made it as far east as Easter Island and as far west as Madagascar in various waves. The other surprising thing is that return trips back and forth were also very common, so those trips generally were not one and done for those cultures.
Some key words in there like “current population”. If you go with Strawman’s way of thinking, Africans inhabited everywhere on Earth, scientific fact if you twist it to suit your point.
Whats wrong with africans?
Nothing, just pointing out that you are one based on your own way of thinking.
The whole Han thing is complicated and I don’t understand it. While the current population on Taiwan is seen as consisting of Han Chinese I think some of the people who were on Taiwan in 3000bc who are now considered Han were not considered Han back then.
Also who knows if they were actually “forced out”. On a podcast I was listening to a college professor said Polynesians had a different subsistence strategy by living in and around brackish estuaries and swamps with abundant shellfish. If something caused their food supply to crash they’ll have migration even if they still had good relations with the neighbors.
I think they believe the shellfish thing because those were the spots Polynesians seemed to stop and settle during their initial migrations.
Yeah it’s fascinating stuff. The influence of ocean currents and wind too, which we saw play-out recently with John unable to make it East to Tahiti. Unfortunately an area that is likely to receive less research in the future.
Austronesian migration was impressive. With twin hulled waka or va’a, efficient sailing into the wind was due to the Polynesian lanteen or “crab claw” sails which were easily trimmed and reefed for beating to weather on a close haul. Sailing crab claws on a reach is also very effective. Many Polynesian sailors possibly preferred sailing upwind to a destination then downwinding back home.
You really think someone would choose to ocean sail upwind into trades? Excuse the pun, but I thinks that be a reach.
Downwind is fucking scary for extended periods. You have less ability to ditch power when required, you’re careening down the face of each wave and risk nosediving every 18 seconds, and have got to worry about what’s both ahead AND behind you. Great fun recreationally, anxiety inducing if you have to do it day-and-night for weeks straight while worrying about the well-being of all the families onboard.
Fair point
the Vikings paddled pretty hard too..
There is evidence that Polynesian/Hawaiian sailors traveled as far as the west coast of North America and as far north as Alaska.
Rather, don’t attack the Strawman.
Finally
It’s a bit like in Australia the current Aboriginals claim to being the first
and only inhabitants of the continent, when actual science shows multiple layers of habitation pre the Aboriginals, but like religion you can’t challenge it.
Evidence for that? You are suggesting that an original population was totally replaced. My bullshit detector rang pretty loudly!
Never said entire and who said every corner of Australia was populated at the same time , try to expand your thoughts to how the continent has evolved over thousands of years and the many land bridges that have come and gone in the Asia Pacific .
Mate you are full of it
Well maybe but prove it what is the counter argument?
I am not here to cure your ignorance Google Sunda and Sahul
The indigenous people of taiwan were not chinese. You know that, right?
True, indigenous people of Taiwan are not considered, nor do they consider themselves, to be ethnic Han Chinese.
Taiwan had many Han Chinese from the mainland during the Japanese colonial period, but the vast majority arrived with Chiang Kai-Shek and the defeated KMT army after they lost the Chinese civil war to the Communists in 1949 and retreated en masse to Taiwan.
Quite a few indigenous Taiwan people living in villages in the Taitung area of the east coast.
Guys guys you hit the wrong bookmark. Swollen net is thatta way
Wanna surf da pipeline? Forgetaboutit.
Must not have been much regulating going on in the early 70’s since they allowed some jew from the east coast, who can’t surf worth a shit, to come in and act all local like he runs the fucking place. Hmmmm! This has never made sense to me.
He must have had alot of heart, Hawaiians respect that.
I don’t think it was heart. Couple other nouns come to mind though.
What are you insinuating? Drugs?
You said it, not me.
Amazing isn’t it? Derek, the trumpeter of all things jewish, somehow “forgets” to mention that eddie rothhman is in fact a jewish blow in from Philadelphia.
I mean its an article about local hawaiians and the obnoxious cunt prattling on is a convicted felon from nowhere near hawaii and he doesn’t have a single drip of hawaiian blood in his body.
Amazing.
Could it be that these “surf journalists” are nothing but fawning sycophants?
He was a thug who would go up and punch anyone for them
Blowins are always the biggest locals
Agree with his statements, but doesn’t his son do that Vlog thing catering to the same donkeys that infiltrate the lineup.
For better or worse, seems it’s hard to ‘regulate’, when like your every move is caught on someone’s phone today.
Punch someone today, civil court and a lawsuit tomorrow.
Surfline cams, ring doorbell cams, traffic cams…Big Bruddah always watching!
Doesn’t Makua still live at home at the Rothman compound? Acting like he hadn’t seen the old man in months…
I think they’ve had Eddie locked up in the cellar, no visitors allowed.
Still crying about that time someone pinched his ebike.
Lucky Eddie wasn’t living in the Byron Shire during Covid. He’d be fucken peaking!!
Then again, he did live through the Hawaiian Elo Covid disaster. Poor guy.
Gotta wonder if he’s frothing on the Choz Vlog too? I heard he loved unboxing 🤷🏻♂️
He would have blended well with spanish whats app group that tell where the best surf is each day. Eddie would also have his group like he did in Hawaii push the illegal substances.
I’ve heard whispers of such groups in Byron. Apparently there’s also one full of all the Sydney pricks who moved north during Covid. Didn’t know about the Spanish one through.
It’s a interesting day when a blowin from the Brooklyn, main land USA.
Don’t confused with a native Hawaiian.
Seriously not anything near the same ppl
Did two seasons on the North Shore in the late 70s. Including the year they beat up Bugs and Kanga. Surfed everywhere never had a cross word with anyone. Surfed Rocky one day with Eddie the only other one in the water. Didn’t know it was him, didn’t know you weren”t supposed to paddle out. All cool, never said a word to me. Funny place Hawaii. Aloha used to trump aggro…..most of the time.
That’s me experience over there too. Most spots I’d surf you’d be greeted politely and hooted on to a wave if you’d waited your turn. Half of the waves had nobody surfing them at any given time as everyone wants to surf the main ones. Of course your experience may be different if you go with the sole intention of scoring a bomb at Pipe.