Surf Girls Hawaii not officially cancelled as former WSL CEO Erik Logan’s “poopoo touch” meets possible match!

Chas Smith

By

Blue crushing it.

Days ago, it was reported here, then picked up by Surfer Magazine’s malingering robots, that the Amazon Prime show Surf Girls Hawaii had been cancelled. Monica Medellin, the show’s creator, had taken to Instagram penning, “Closing one chapter to write the next!” going on to be thankful for the five years she worked on the program etc.

The cancellation was unsurprising as former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan had been involved, bringing his “poopoo touch” to yet another project. But who could forget his The Ultimate Surfer, gone after one season, Make or Break, gone after two, or… anything else the man graced with his spectacular lack of talent.

Well, apparently “Closing one chapter to write the next” did not mean the end of Surf Girls Hawaii even though it is nearly impossible, in context, for it to mean anything else.

BeachGrit has learned that the show has, in fact, not been officially cancelled and might Logan’s magical ability to spin fecal matter out of gold met its match, here?

Multiple seasons of Surf Girls Hawaii spinning out ad infinitum?

Logan reemerging on the red carpet to accept awards and acclaim?

What will that evil Surfer bot do with this new information?

More as the story develops.

Vaast (pictured) a man for all seasons.
Vaast (pictured) a man for all seasons.

Tahiti surf hunk Kauli Vaast becomes newest face of Dior!

Chas Smith

By

Meow.

Move over, Johnny Depp and make way for something better. The Tahitian surf hunk Kauli Vaast has just announced that he is partnering with French fashion house Dior ahead of the 2024 Paris Olympics. The almost impossibly handsome 21-year-old announced the partnership on his Instagram account, declaring, “Passion and dedication for my sport brings unique stories – proud to join the ultimate french fashion house.” And, in an interview with WWD added, “I’m honored and proud to join this magnificent fashion house, which moves forward day by day with audacity and creativity, just as I must do in surf.”

Very cool and smart of Dior to nab Vaast who will undoubtedly shine at his home break Teahupo’o, which will host the surfing portion of the Games, judges comfortably deciding the winners from a posh new aluminum reef-based tower.

Dior, famously, crafted a wetsuit in partnership with core brand Vissla though it is doubtful that Vaast will sport that neoprene as his main surf sponsor is the Authentic Brand Quiksilver.

But do you think that the Mountain and Wave will feel sad to have the very talented charger as the face of a real and important label or do you think the company brass is more concerned with fitting that logo on fingernail clippers?

Moreover, now that Dior has made its surf move do you image Yves St. Laurent, Givenchy and Balmain will counter with other sexy Tahitian surfers?

My first pick would be Raimana Van Bastolear.

Human Viagra.

Meow.

Pete Mel (insert) ready to shine again. Photo: Coldwater Classic
Pete Mel (insert) ready to shine again. Photo: Coldwater Classic

Santa Cruz surf club signals intent to smash Australians, Brazilians and reclaim world surf throne!

Chas Smith

By

A comeback story!

There was once a time when Santa Cruz, there hugging California’s great middle north, was seen as a premier surf power. Locals like Ratboy, Barney, The Condor and Flea dominated the magazines. O’Neill the go-to brand of the core and Steamer Lane hosted the contest of the year.

Alas, the town of 60,000 souls lost an ugly fight over the moniker “Surf City, USA” to Huntington Beach, discovered methamphetamine and faded from surf memory.

But is she ready for a comeback?

Maybe.

The Santa Cruz Board Riders Club is ponying up and sending a team of four to Australia’s Gold Coast in order to compete in the Usher Cup, a tournament pitting the best surf clubs around the world against each other for bragging rights and also $100,000 cash money.

Sam and Ben Coffey, Shaun Burns and Autumn Hays each received the mayor’s blessing as they prepare to jet across the Pacific.

“It’s definitely very surreal, I haven’t traveled internationally for a surf competition in a while. All my heroes are competing in this, and there’s just going to be really good surfing that I’m excited to watch,” Hays told the local Action News.

“All the kids over there are so good, boys and girls. It’ll be super cool to represent Santa Cruz and we got a pretty good team this year, so hopefully, we can bring it home, do well,” Sam Coffey added.

“We kind of want to take it to them and be a part of this competition bringing it home to Santa Cruz and stealing the trophy away from them and bringing it home is something we want to do. We’re going in there to compete and fight hard,” Shaun Burns declared.

The Usher Cup features twenty Australian teams and ten from elsewhere in the world. Santa Cruz will have to really brings its A game but maybe, just maybe, it’s time for the sun to shine upon both the east and west sides once again.

Back to this Usher Cup, though. Have you heard about it before? Does it possibly have the clout to replace the World Surf League as the “global home of surfing?”

Things to think about.

Chas Smith says Ian Ziering's "shocking and embarrassing" behaviour can serve as a template of what not to do in the water.

Chas Smith reacts to Ian Ziering’s wild street brawl with teen Latinx biker gals!

Derek Rielly

By

"Shocking and embarrassing."

In the latest episode of Chas Hates Surfing, the noted author picks apart Bev Hills 90210 star Ian Ziering’s wild street brawl with a gang of “chubby teenage Latinx girls”.

“No actor is more surf adjacent than Ian Ziering (save Keanu Reeves and Matthew Perry),” Smith wrote when news broke of the melee.

“The now 58-year-old got his start on the 90s program Beverly Hills 90210, which was, itself, entirely surf adjacent. After a ten season run, Ziering, who played Steve Sanders, went into C-list purgatory until 2013 when the absurdist Sharknado became a surprise hit. Again, very surf adjacent.

“For some reason, Ziering decided to address fighting a gang of chubby fifteen-year-old Latinx girls on miniature motorbikes by taking the offensive instead of burying his head in shame.

“‘In an attempt to assess any damage I exited my car,” he wrote. ‘This action, unfortunately, escalated into a physical altercation, which I navigated to protect myself.’

“Unstated ‘from a gang of chubby fifteen-year-old Latinx girls on miniature motorbikes.’”

“He continued without shame or irony,

‘I am relieved to report that my daughter and I are both completely unscathed, but the incident has left me deeply concerned about the growing boldness of such groups who disrupt public safety and peace. This situation highlights a larger issue of hooliganism on our streets and the need for effective law enforcement responses to such behavior.’

“Shocking and embarrassing,” says Smith. “And, thanks to Ian Ziering, a gift. We will never as surfers beat groms, no matter how much you want to. Bad look all round.”

Smith also bids the WSL sayonara after yet another WSL-created program gets iced and examines the likelihood of an executive from Old Spice (via Logitech) being able to get Vans back its long-lost cool.

 

Surfers (right) pictured being the worst even though a historically significant home is being threatened.
Surfers (right) pictured being the worst even though a historically significant home is being threatened.

Monster California surf threatens Frank Lloyd Wright masterpiece!

Chas Smith

By

And surfers don't even care.

Now, surfers are undeniably and indubitably selfish. Leaving families behind without care or thought when the waves pump. Catching one, back paddling the poor soul bobbing for hours and catching another one. Lying, cheating, fibbing and fudging all to “get theirs.”

And, thus, it is not surprising that California’s surfers are entirely unmoved by the fact that the recent “monster swell” is threatening the Frank Lloyd Wright masterpiece The Walker House there on Carmel Point.

This is the only house that the revered architect ever built ocean-front and just sold, recently, for the low, low price of $22 million.

According to Artnet:

The famed architect designed the house to resemble a ship’s bow cutting through water, a nod to his distinctive practice of integrating structures into their natural surroundings. The striking feature is made possible by the hexagonal floor plan of the triangular living room, allowing for spectacular views of waves crashing onto rocks nearby.

Alas, those waves have gotten bigger and meaner. Funner, though, for surfers who don’t care that a house neighboring the Wright gem recently had its windows bashed out due “heavy surf.”

Surfers, man.

Total dicks.

Photo: Jack English
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