Layer (pictured) in need of a little 80mph puff. Photo: Instagram
Layer (pictured) in need of a little 80mph puff. Photo: Instagram

Surfers smack lips after Ventura declares “State of Emergency” as freaky air wind, monster waves pummel coast!

Rotation time.

Surfers are odd creatures, relishing weather anomalies much, much more than the next man. Swell events, for example, pushing big ol’ barrels toward shore. The next man might be worried about his house, but surfers are there, boards waxed, ready to ride straight into infamy. Or wicked winds licking the sky, bending palms like toothpicks etc. The next man could be worried that his house will become crushed, but surfers are there, boards waxed, ready to stick an elusive double, even triple rotation.

But let us hurry quick to Ventura, California where a “State of Emergency” has been declared over barrels and airs.

Per the local ABC affiliate:

Strong winds whipping across Southern California are bringing dangerously high surf to beach communities once again Thursday.

The conditions prompted the city of Ventura to declare a state of emergency due to severe high surf events. The order allows the city to receive emergency funding from the state and speed up any needed disaster response.

The National Weather Service said: “High surf and coastal flooding are possible through Friday at west and northwest facing beaches.”

This comes after recent damage to the Ventura Pier during high tide events.

I would very much like the think that one Albee Layer is, currently, on his way to Silver Strand. The Maui-San Diego surfer has been really cursing himself after almost, but not quite, landing a 2x spin. Taking to Instagram, he wrote, “After thinking about this section instead of sleeping for most of last night I decided I hit it a half a second early and didn’t stomp hard enough on the landing. Good news is I probably hate myself enough to land it today if I get another chance which the odds are pretty low on. Fuck.”

I think the odds will very much improve with Ventura’s predicted 80mph winds. I think, even, a 4x spin in the cards.

Huzzah.


Breaking: Palm Springs Surf Club shutters indefinitely due “technical challenges”

"It saddens us to make this call but we can confidently say we will be back again with the product you all have seen and hoped to experience."

Less than two weeks ago, Southern California’s surfers rejoiced with the opening of the region’s first commercial wave tank. The Palm Springs Surf Club, tucked into the magnificent Coachella Valley, promised glorious on-demand thrills for an altogether reasonable price. 200 U.S. dollars guaranteed an hour of joy in Hollywood’s playground.

Our very own Com Turren opened his pocketbook and made the trip, recently, sharing, “What is the experience of a public session like for your average peasant of average surfing ability? Pretty fun, just so long as you recognize that this is not surfing—it’s riding waves in a pool.”

Though he was not allowed to enjoy the “slab setting” as it was broken.

The month of January sold out almost as soon as it was posted.

Alas, sad news is trickling out from the desert. The tank is being shuttered indefinitely due “technical challenges.”

“In recent days,” a missive to those who had booked began, “we have been experiencing technical challenges. We have been working through them but our goal here at The Palm Springs Surf Club is to consistently deliver epic waves. In order to maintain the quality we have worked so hard to achieve within our wave settings, we need to take the whole system down to make it strong again. As a team that has been dedicated to the stoke, it saddens us to make this call but we can confidently say we will be back again with the product you all have seen and hoped to experience.”

Further information is included regarding refunds, booking in the future etc.

But did you have a slot pre-paid and a trip all planned?

Where were you going to stay?

The Parker is always a wonderful choice and I’d recommend you keep to your schedule, minus the surfing bits of course. There are two bocce courts on property as well as tennis and oversized chess.

Still, still, though hopefully issues are worked out and the waves pump in February.

David Lee Scales, who has surfed the place twice, and I did not discuss this bit of misfortune during our weekly chat though did delve into the origin story of Kelly Slater’s obsession with turtles. It is as whimsical as it is shocking.

Have a listen, won’t you?


Koa Rothman almost killed at Pipeline
Lifeguards stabilise a concussed and bloody Koa Rothman on the beach at Pipeline.

Surfer Koa Rothman says “Pipeline almost killed me!”

“His battered face was red, swollen and grotesque.”

It’s little secret Pipeline is a wave that will throw itself on a man like a demented animal, turning its prey into something that no longer looks human.

Rarely does rhetoric (“You can die out there”) and reputation match reality but in the case of Pipeline, at least this season, it fits.

What is it…five…major casualties?

Peruvian Joaquin Del Castillo had to get his hip bolted back back together at a cost of one hundred gees that he don’t have, Teahupoo kingpin Eimeo Czermak just wants to feel his legs again, world number four Joao Chianca is in rehab after belting his head, a tourist was pulled unconscious from the water on a four-foot day and beautiful Koa Rothman, he face-planted the reef and, in his own words, “Pipeline almost killed me.”

In a video of the brutish incident, we see the wave from the Surfline cam, the rescue, the ambulance ride, Koa’s face red, swollen and grotesque, and the very relieved son of Fast Eddie explaining the brush with his fragile mortality.

“You guys, I’m alive!” says Koa Rothman. “For those of you who don’t know what happened, I actually had an accident out here at Pipeline…on the very end on a wave you’d never expect it to happen on. I hit my head on the bottom, got twenty stitches in my face… and had a pretty bad concussion… I don’t remember ten minutes of it… What I do remember is, the whole session up to it, I caught a wave and straightened out on the wave. When we straighten out, which we do a lot, we give a little hop before the wave hits you… I remember jumping a little bit…I came to on the beach on a stretcher and in a neck brace.”


Superstar surfing couple Jack Freestone and Alana Blanchard list 10-acre compound near Byron Bay for $1.6 million

"One-of-a-kind architecturally designed home"

The handsome, if slightly cruel looking, Jack Freestone and former bikini model-pro surfer wife Alana Blanchard have listed their rural compound near Byron Bay for $1.6 million Australian dollars or around a mill if you got American shekels.

Jack Freestone we last saw in these pages, along with former title contender Matt Wilkinson, as dick swinging avatars in the Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe.

The size diff in the dicks granted to these two titans of the sport was considerable, Jack Freestone got a jock pussy and Wilko a noble shaft with a great thick cord, enlarged, charged, aching to get sucked.

Anyway Jack, who is thirty-two, and his thirty-four-year-old wife Alana Blanchard have listed their ten-acre spread in Farrants Hill, out the back of Cabarita there, and forty-five minutes or so drive north of wildly Instagramable Byron Bay.

The pair moved to Australia six months ago, along with kids Koda and Banks, after living in Kauai, where Alana is from, and, later, the North Shore of Oahu.

The selling realtor describes the Freestone-Blanchard property as a “one-of-a-kind architecturally designed home… this wonderfully inspired build offers a home that embraces both a unique sophistication and natural charm. On offer is 10 acres of private and peaceful country living, overlooking the stunning Tweed Valley, yet nestled amongst a tropical bush setting.

“The open-plan family room has cathedral ceilings that reach a mezzanine level, featuring a suspended walkway, which is something to savour and sets this home apart. The high curved ceiling, plentiful windows and glass sliding doors to the timber deck alfresco area ensure the space is flooded with natural light, giving this home an effortless and modern feel. The rich colouring of the hardwood flooring and featured wood-burning fireplace brings warmth and a sense of peace and relaxation.

Main bedroom of house of Jack Freestone and Alana Blanchard. House of Jack Freestone and Alana Blanchard. House of Jack Freestone and Alana Blanchard. House of Jack Freestone and Alana Blanchard.

“Aside from the primary residence, this property boasts a transformed outbuilding that serves as a fully independent unit, ideal for accommodating guests, an art studio, or functioning as a home office.”

Jack Freestone and Alana Blanchard bought the joint in 2021 for $1.43 mill, not exactly at the top of the market but not far from it, but hope to shuck it from their lives without being cut where it hurts.

If you want to feel a little of that famous Country Soul, with the salt of Jack Freestone still lingering in the air, jump in here.


Surf Girls Hawaii not officially cancelled as former WSL CEO Erik Logan’s “poopoo touch” meets possible match!

Blue crushing it.

Days ago, it was reported here, then picked up by Surfer Magazine’s malingering robots, that the Amazon Prime show Surf Girls Hawaii had been cancelled. Monica Medellin, the show’s creator, had taken to Instagram penning, “Closing one chapter to write the next!” going on to be thankful for the five years she worked on the program etc.

The cancellation was unsurprising as former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan had been involved, bringing his “poopoo touch” to yet another project. But who could forget his The Ultimate Surfer, gone after one season, Make or Break, gone after two, or… anything else the man graced with his spectacular lack of talent.

Well, apparently “Closing one chapter to write the next” did not mean the end of Surf Girls Hawaii even though it is nearly impossible, in context, for it to mean anything else.

BeachGrit has learned that the show has, in fact, not been officially cancelled and might Logan’s magical ability to spin fecal matter out of gold met its match, here?

Multiple seasons of Surf Girls Hawaii spinning out ad infinitum?

Logan reemerging on the red carpet to accept awards and acclaim?

What will that evil Surfer bot do with this new information?

More as the story develops.