Writer of “greatest surf movie in the universe” reveals why Mick Fanning wasn’t included in film’s outrageous full-frontal nudity and how Jack Freestone responded to his “jock pussy”!

“I hope it’s like Doped Youth, a moment with teenagers where they just love it so much it becomes a classic for their generation."

Doing the rounds of cinemas around Australia right now and premiering in Sydney on Monday night is the correctly titled “Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe”, a stop-motion epic with “more cock than a woman’s swim meet” from filmmaking duo Nick Pollet and Vaughan Blakey. 

Two months back, I interviewed its creator, Nick Pollet, who got the idea for using dollies from Mick Fanning’s retirement dinner when each guest was gifted a bobble-headed Mick.

“It was on my desk and I was tinkering around and I ripped the head off it, grabbed a Superman doll from my kid, ripped the head off that and put Mick’s head on it,” says Nick. “Then I started mucking around with a green screen.”

The premise for the film is beautiful: It is ten years in the future and a virus has hit and John Fig, played by Vaughan, has made a vaccine to save everyone but the vax wipes out everyone’s memory of surfing.

The dolls, which were made in China and cost three hundred dollars each, were accompanied by a literal bag of dicks. 

“We knew that once we had that bag of dicks they were going to get written into the script,” says writer Vaughan Dead, Goons frontman, commentator, writer, filmmaker etc. “We knew we couldn’t put a dick on Mick, no dick on Mick, basically, so Jack and Wilko were the only guys we could put dicks on.”

Why no dick for Mick? 

“All the surfers fully trusted us on a level that was, I think, they knew we wouldn’t cook ‘em, in the way they present their lives and careers and their brand. All we did was amplify the perception of who they are. We knew we could flare up with Jack and Wilko.” 

Why did Jack get a jock pussy and Wilko a noble shaft with a great thick cord, enlarged, charged, aching to get sucked? 

“Toss of a coin,” says Vaughan. “At the premiere of the movie in Queensland someone asked Wilko if he liked the movie and he said, well, I could be biased ‘cause I have a huge cock in it but I loved it!” 

Freestone, meanwhile, “was soooo stoked he had the tiny dick. He had such a good sense of humour about the dick. Fuck, it’s life imitating art!” 

And how does Vaughan, who created the cult classic Doped Youth back in 2003, feel The Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe is gonna be received by the public? 

“I hope it’s like Doped Youth, a moment with teenagers where they just love it so much it becomes a classic for their generation. For the rest of us, it’s a laugh, the great stoner movie of surf history!” 

In Sydney? Wanna go see? Click here etc.