If you cannot give me three facts about this surfer, you must watch Road to Teahupo'o.
If you cannot give me three facts about this surfer, you must watch Road to Teahupo'o.

Surf fans scramble to meet new Olympians day after final tickets punched

Homework time.

The 2024 Paris Olympics just very well might be the pinnacle of competitive professional surfing. The highest of highs and now under five months away. Teahupo’o is, of course, one of the most stunning waves on the planet and will provide a fabulous stage for heroes and heroines to shine but the surf fan has some homework before the torch is lit.

Namely, who are Cody Young, Alan Quinones, Lucca Messina, and Bill Stairmand? Oh we are familiar with the World Surf League stars and starlets, the Jordy Smiths and Carissa Moores, and will be happy to see them shine but the Olympics are custom built for upsets and imagine our embarrassment when, sitting on couch with aunts and uncles, watching the action when one of them asks, “Who’s Sol Aguerre?”

Faces growing hot and red whilst we attempt to mumble something that sounds reasonable while not knowing even though surf fandom has a very low bar.


Thankfully, the legendary filmmaker Paul Taublieb is here for us. The Emmy-award winner has just dropped Teahupo’o Surf Camp: Road to Paris 2024 on the Olympic channel. The 40-minute documentary follows hopefuls as they head to Teahupo’o in order to be coached by local Tahitian Tereva David. There, they train, surf and share their backgrounds etc. Essential and especially when the eyes of aunts and uncles are burning holes.

Enjoy here.

Toledo (pictured) king of small waves.
Toledo (pictured) king of small waves.

Pressure mounts on Filipe Toledo to vacate Olympic slot following stunning Gabriel Medina World Surfing Games win

Chants of "we want Yago!" filling the humid air.

The final final final Olympic qualifying opportunity is now, officially, in the rearview (I think) with every ticket to Teahupo’o now thoroughly punched (maybe). Surf fans were thrilled, yesterday, as Gabriel Medina righted his competitive ship and stormed though all comers at the World Surfing Games thereby gifting his nation, Brazil, a bonus third slot that he will occupy.

Assuming that Joao Chianca is healthy, the land of order and progress has a legitimate shot to take gold and silver and the place of broken skulls, though a historic medal sweep is certainly off the table with Filipe Toledo also on the team.

While, in most cases, it would seem fortuitous to have a two-time world champion in the fold, Toledo presents a unique case what with abject terror seizing his heart, rendering him unable to even paddle, much less surf, the “Cave of Skulls.”

Now, the world’s undisputed small wave king has angrily defended his timidity, openly declaring that he owes nothing to no one, before taking the year off citing “mental health.” Surf fans, with generally muddled minds, have listed to the li’l lion’s meows and accepted the various excuses proffered, even praising his pre-Olympic vacation as “stigma busting.”

The question, though, is will Brazil’s “passionate” fanbase be as understanding?

Imagine that the ocean cooperates come July 27 – August 4 (the Olympic surf window). Imagine postcard perfect Teahupo’o, those ultramarine swells bending into giant tacos as they touch the reef. Imagine the eyes of the world watching John John Florence, Jack Robinson, Leonardo Fioravanti otherwise known as the United States, Australia and Italy, being taught a sharp lesson by the aforementioned Medina and Chianca, or Brazil. Imagine the civil pride, green and gold uber alles, but then frustration as Toledo bows out China’s Siqi Yang in the first round knowing that it could have been Yago Dora there instead, bronze medal dangling around his bronze neck.

Toledo, no doubt, beginning to feel the pressure to vacate. Will he stare down an entire sport mad nation, mustering vast resources of will, or will he wilt as is his wont?

More as the story develops.

Chris Cote on Gabriel Medina’s dominant win at Olympic surf qualifier, “He made it look easy!”

"He won every single heat he surfed with power, wild aerial surfing and he did with with a smile on his face. We’re seeing a reignited Gabriel Medina."

In today’s episode of Toxic Positivity, WSL/ISA shill Chris Cote reports from a wild final day at the ISA Games that saw Gabriel Medina win the men’s gold medal, elevating Brazil to the number one, thereby getting ’em an extra Olympic slot, and with a dominance not seen since…well… maybe a first!

“Gabriel Medina needed to win and guess what, he showed up in a huge way in Puerto Rico,” says Cote. “He won every single heat he surfed with power, wild aerial surfing and he did with with a smile on his face. We’re seeing a reignited Gabriel Medina.”

According to Cote,

“The maestro is back and this week proved it. He smashed his way through the final day, made it look easy and may have locked himself in for the third Olympic spot for team Brazil. It was just as he planned it. He got priority in the final, blocked everybody else, won the gold medal and is the ISA world champion.”

But will he be given the vacant third men’s slot? Sources say yes, but as Chas Smith reported earlier today, “The brightest analytical minds are, currently, sorting through the data to see which Brazilian will lay claim to the third Olympic slot as the qualification rules and regulations are more difficult to sort than the formula for cold fusion.”

It’s either Gabriel Medina or the just-as-spectacular Yago Dora.

Both would be considered among the favourites to win Olympic gold at Teahupoo.

Gabriel Medina (pictured) Olympic-bound?
Gabriel Medina (pictured) Olympic-bound?

Gabriel Medina wins World Surfing Games thereby punching bonus Olympic ticket for Brazil!

But who will Teahupo'o?

The dark night is back(ish). Minutes ago, former World Surf League champion and dogged competitor Gabriel Medina took out Morocco’s Ramzi Boukhaim and France’s Kauli Vaast plus Joan Duru to win the International Surfing Association’s World Surfing Games. The victory hands Brazil a third Olympic slot, on the men’s side, giving the proud nation of order and progress a legitimate shot at victory in Teahupo’o.

Before the World Surfing Games, held in the U.S. protectorate of Puerto Rico, Brazilian surf fans were rubbing their foreheads in dismay. Their two qualifiers, Joao Chianca and Filipe Toledo, limping down the back stretch toward Tahiti with potential problems. Chianca, brave and skilled, has been injured since a horrible accident at Pipeline and is yet to surf in an event this year. Toledo so scared of bigger surf that he pulled out of competition entirely.

The brightest analytical minds are, currently, sorting through the data to see which Brazilian will lay claim to the third Olympic slot as the qualification rules and regulations are more difficult to sort than the formula for cold fusion.

Is it Medina because he won the World Surfing Games?

Is it Italo Ferreira, previous gold medalist, since he is currently the top ranked Brazilian?

Do you know?

Do you have a doctorate in theoretical physics?

Please weigh in below. There’s also job at Surf Ranch for you. Winning at life.

Kelly Slater (pictured) at Surf Ranch.
Kelly Slater (pictured) at Surf Ranch.

World Surf League pivots to “indentured servant” model in job listing for Surf Ranch “Guest Experience Host”

Opportunity knocks.

Dreams about to come true for a lucky job seeker. A path set to radically change. For the World Surf League is officially hiring a Guest Experience Host at its Surf Ranch facility in basically sacred Lemoore, California. Yes, the chosen one will, of course, get to move to “the cow’s bosom,” the center of Kelly Slater’s lugubrious vision, but also work for almost free.

The candidate must be able to tick all of the following boxes before even imagining what that glorious life looks like in the shadow of the Tachi Palace.

Responsibilities include, but not limited to:

-Acting as the main point of contact from the time a group arrives on site until they depart
-Coordinate with Guest Experience team to gather information for upcoming experiences
-Welcome all arriving guests to Surf Ranch
-Champion the collateral creation process including but not limited to guest itineraries, site maps, welcome videos, etc.
-Ensure guest satisfaction and keep open lines of communication with group lead and other group stakeholders
-Relay information to the appropriate team to ensure a smooth-running operation
-Be the liaison for all operational teams on site and relay the proper information to decision makers
-When daily itinerary becomes adjusted ensure communication down to all teams and ensure clear communication to guests on any changes
-Attend operational meetings as necessary
-Coordinate with on-site facilities teams as needed based on guest requests and needs.
-Communicate all maintenance requests and ensure resolution for any guests on site
-Coordinate with team daily to ensure all required guest items are completed and a seamless arrival process can be created
-Work with culinary team to ensure satisfaction for all upcoming groups based on group make-up, requests, and knowledge as the point of contact
-Activate spaces around the property as needed and act as a host to the group while they occupy said space
-Gather and memorialize any data from groups such as requests, preferences, etc.
-Ensure Run of Show is being completed and is accurate. Ensure Run of show is available to all team members
-Build, compile, and track guest profiles to ensure return guest satisfaction
-Act as support when needed for front line Hospitality team
-Perform the welcome presentation daily for all arriving groups
-Perform property tours as required
-Check in all guests to their lodging accommodations
-Ensure the itinerary is distributed to all group members
-Have an intricate knowledge of each day and ensure the flow for the group works
-Have the ability to mediate guest complaints and relay information for resolution
-Accommodate guest needs as requested
-Ensure all pre-arrival information is complete and if it is not gather all information required
-Own the welcome shack and ensure presentation, cleanliness, and all other standards are upheld
-Assist in any projects applicable to further the guest experience
-Perform guest transport to/from property, and around property
-Assist in coordinating flow of guests on and off of the property
-Any other job duties as assigned

Experience and Qualifications

-Previous experience in a resort or hospitality setting
-Outstanding interpersonal and presentation skills for interactions between guests and staff members.
-Demonstrate ability to work with all levels of employees and management, and willingness to give assistance to co-workers
-Prioritize and organize work assignments, have timely follow up and execution.
-Have superb time management skills.
-Maintain complete knowledge of all services/features and hours of operation and be able to communicate them clearly to guests and staff.
-Ability to comply with physical demands as outlined below.
-Knowledge and understanding of Surf Ranch and WSL culture & initiatives
-Technologically sound with Microsoft Office applications.
-Must be able to maintain a flexible work schedule.
-Food Handler card required per CA law.
-Clean drivers record
-California Commercial Driver’s License with a Passenger Endorsement (in good standing and clean driving record)

Personal Attributes

-Exceptional work ethic
-Exceptional attention to detail
-Optimism and energy for the brand and its future
-An open and collaborative nature
-Strong team player

Working Conditions / Physical requirements (if applicable)

-The employee is regularly required to talk and hear. This position is very active and requires standing, walking, bending, kneeling, stooping and crouching.
-This position is very active and requires standing, walking, bending, kneeling, stooping, crouching, crawling, and climbing all day.
-Must be physically able to wipe down surfaces, reach, twist, bend and be able to pick up debris from floor or items from storage spaces.
-Lift/carry 25 lbs (frequently) and 50 lbs (occasionally)
-May be exposed to extreme temperatures, dust, dampness, height, and moving machinery.

And will earn between $17 and $20 U.S. dollars per hour.

It is fantastic that the World Surf League is already learning about business and staffing from its new friends in the United Arab Emirates, where the other Surf Ranch is. Indentured servitude for the win.

Apply here.