Kelly Slater back on top?
Kelly Slater back on top?

Earthquake cracks pro surfing’s foundation after revelation beheaded Kelly Slater has actual path to requalification!

"Let’s assume he gets wildcards to Tahiti and Cloudbreak..."

We, many of us here, have all been pretending that the world’s greatest historical surfer Kelly Slater is done. Goose cooked. Bun firmly in oven. That his retirement announcement after failing to advance at the just-wrapped Margaret River Pro, thereby dropping him below the cut line and off tour, was real twice over. First, in that he wanted to “step back” with baby boy on the way. Second, that he simply could not continue due not being on tour.

Now, last year the World Surf League fixed it by gifting the 11 x champion a special season long wildcard. This year, the “global home of surfing” has not offered a similar golden ticket miffing Slater’s most diehard fans. These Slateries want to see him in a competition singlet come hell or high water and they just might get their sinful wish.

For an eagle-eye’d surf fan has run the numbers and… well here.

Hey Chas,

I was just thinking about the GOAT’s retirement.

Let’s assume he gets wildcards to Tahiti and Cloudbreak. He can definitely win one if not both those if it’s pumping.

Now, according to WSL rules. Ex champions accrue points towards the ranking post cut even if they are wildcards.

If Kelly was to win one and do ok in the other, make 2 semis for example, he would probably have enough points to secure a place for next year right? If he places above the 22nd surfer.

Could we see Kelly rising from the ashes back from retirement in three months?

He now sits with 3990 pints. 1 win and a semi would add 16085 points taking him to 20000. With only 2 more events besides these it would be hard for the bottom surfers to secure more than that.


Interesting is right.


More as the story develops.

Brad Domke and foldable surfboard.

Big-wave skimboarder Brad Domke becomes face of breakthrough foldable surfboard brand!

"The kickstarter is live! What are you doing?"

The big-wave skimboarder Brad Domke needs little to no introduction, although some introduction may be necessary if we wish to to cement his bona fides as the face of a new foldable surfboard brand.

He rides Nazaré, Puerto Escondido, Jaws and even the big wave in Western Australia called The Right on his little disc.

Brad Domke became world-renowned for castrating his surfboard by using it only to paddle into the wave before jumping onto his fifty-three-inch, flat-rockered, finless disc, an event that is difficult to remove from your consciousness.

(Did you know Brad Domke only has one board? He rides the same carbon-fibre aureole at Teahupoo as he does at three-foot shorebreaks. Quivers? Who needs ’em?)

Lately, Brad Domke has become the face of NIMBL, a start-up foldable surfboard brand that is raising the required money to go into full-scale production via Kickstarter.

With four days to ago, and with sixty-five backers pledging money, NIMBL has exceeded its modest 20k goal.

The foldable surfboard has long been the holy grail of the men with slicked back hair who wish to chase waves but don’t want to give up their little red coupes or former bodyboarders who miss carrying their vehicles on their backs.

As far back as 1964, Karl Pope and Thomas Price registered a patent for their foldable surfboard. The Bisect was “characterised by its simplicity of construction and in its adaptability to economical manufacture.”

Foldable surfboard
An early version of the foldable surfboard.

A couple of years later, Herman Bank launched his multi-board, which was also known as the “suitcase surfboard”.

NIMBL, “is a no-brainer for both beginner and seasoned surfers looking to keep a spare mid-length board in the car, ready for any conditions. Now instead of meticulously securing boards on roof racks, you can throw it in the trunk and spend more time surfing. From driving to your local beach for an early morning sesh to barreling in the most remote waters when the opportunity arises – Epic trips are imminent with a board that is as on-the-go as you are. Leave your worries behind with your board safely tucked away in the trunk. NIMBL takes the hassle out of surfing, anytime and anywhere.”

In the clip below, Brad Domke, who is the salaried face of NIMBL, details its many advantages.

Domke’s fans aren’t sold, howevs.

Dude, you dominate but you know that’s gonna buckle under any pressure

This is satire ?!?!?

You’re a few days early… this is an April Fools Joke, right?

Kook stick.

To which Domke replies,

“I bring a foamie with me every time I head to the beach. And I break them all quickly. And it cost me tons of $. I’ve always kept in eye on what could be the next perfect all around foamie to ride and do transfers with. As I’ve tried so many soft top brands. When I found out about the NIMBL foldable fomie. I was instantly interested knowing the board was already in half and rideable! Which is the direction I am moving into having a one board does all “surf/transfer” and the fact that it’s already in half and not ending my sessions snapped and unusable like what ends up happening to me time after time. @aethiaoutdoors created this foamie before I had even met the company. After meeting them I personally tested this foamie model out before joining the team and seeing how well it works with this mechanism. After testing and realizing it’s worked well I’m proud to join them and help evolve this brand. But this surfboard particularly is great for beginners and up who just want to get wet and get in the water for a healthy surf however the conditions are. And it fold up.s and it’s easy to store in the trunk/backseat or bring to the beach with the back pack it comes with which lets you be hands free on the way there. Which I personally love about it.”


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Brad Domke (@braddomke)


Bryan and the jerks. Photo: WSL
Bryan and the jerks. Photo: WSL

Pod of narcissistic dolphins mars otherwise perfect Margaret River Pro women’s final

Big time priority interference.

The World Surf League, yesterday, became blessed for the first time in as long as its most ardent fan could remember. Waiting periods stretched out to the bitter end has been the rule for two years now? Three? Professional surfers forced to battle for their supper in low quality waves offering little natural scoring potential. Commentators done crazy by forcing to pretend “critical” and “critical” mean the same thing.

But not yesterday.

For yesterday, the sun rose upon Margaret River’s main break and the swells pulsed forth and professional surfers overlapped them to the awe and amazement of the aforementioned ardent fan, who only sometimes complained about it not being contested at a nearby Box.

Local son Jack Robinson bested Oahu’s John John Florence in the men’s final, wrapped lovingly by an in-form Derek Rielly.

One them women’s side, Kauai’s Gabriela Bryan saved herself from the cut, and beat San Clemente’s Sawyer Lindbald, hoisting the golden wine goblet in triumph.

The only blackness marring an otherwise perfect ten hours came when a group of narcissistic dolphins decided the time was right to steal the world’s attention by committing priority interference on Bryan’s second highest scoring wave.

CNN, which bills itself “the first name in news,” breathlessly shared the “magical moment” leaving the exploits of the long-suffering top tier surfers all but on the cutting room floor. Fox News, following, declared it a “postcard from heaven.”

Left unmentioned was the fact that Lindbald also avoided the dreaded mid-season cut.

Potential ardent surf fans cooing at spotlight hogging cetaceans instead of congratulating the ten women and twenty-two men who will be allowed to professionally surf moving forward.

Yago Dora survived.

Callum Robson did not.

Bonsoy, dear friend.

Bonsoy and fare thee well.

Jack Robinson wins Margaret River Pro for a second time.
Little Jackie Robinson wins Margaret River Pro for second time and again over John John Florence. | Photo: @greenroomtimes

Jack Robinson womb-strokes rampaging John John Florence in hall-of-fame Margaret River Pro final!

Daring for Jack Robinson is not a habit but a well-figured out challenge.

In six-foot waves painted the prettiest blue, Jack Robinson suffocated a rampaging John John Florence in the final of the Margaret River Pro, the second time the Western Australian has crushed the storied Hawaiian Olympian in a MR final.

If popularity can be measured by collective madness and scenes of amorous women weeping for his autograph, there is no shadow of a doubt that John John Florence is the most popular surfer in the world.

John John Florence, whose plain face is marked by a thousand anxieties and half-formed thoughts, was adjudicated to’ve completed a perfect ride when he utilised a manoeuvre in his semi-final first brought to the world’s attention by Tom Curren at J-Bay, a throwaway layback brought back underfoot; a turn weaponised by Andy Irons in the late nineties and named the frontside disaster, although it had only a passing resemblance to the skate turn of the same name.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by World Surf League (@wsl)

“I’m just excited to surf out there,” said John John Florence after. “I can’t wait to go out in these waves. I look at these walls and I feel so much excitement. I love that.”

For his effort, John John was gifted a Yeti cooler by the WSL’s celebrated sponsor, a prize worth almost five hundred dollars on the secondhand market. 

Jack Robinson, meanwhile, a Western Australian with the excessively broad shoulders of a man who makes love a lot, drew his famous lines on the wide blue faces, hitting a nine and an eight against John.

He treated the champ like a peasant he’d found among the grapevines of his vineyard, scrutinising every wave until the death case lest his victim escape.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by World Surf League (@wsl)

Read JP Currie’s analysis tomoz morn sometime.

Luigi Rosselli design for 31 Gaerloch Ave Tamarama.

Tamarama “Where the Wild Things Are” house set to become Australia’s first $100 million oceanfront build!

“The family were seeking a home where they could come together from their scattered locations across the world and get back to the source: a place to be reunited, replenished, and cocooned."

Only one year ago, Sydney surfers were stunned when a crumbling four-apartment citadel in Tamarama, which once hosted world number 32 Kelly Slater, sold for almost six times what it was worth ten years previous.

Nineteen Dellview St, Tamarama, with its panoramic views of the impossibly blue Pacific Ocean and squatting on almost five thousand feet of land, was, for a time in the early two-thousands, let’s say 2006-2012, the hub around which the city’s surf media revolved.

That sale for thirteen mill was impressive but it wasn’t even in the ballpark of the old brown-brick house called Lang Syne overlooking both the reef of Tamarama to the south and Mackenzies Bay to the north that sold around the same time for $45 mill. 

31 Gaerloch Ave, Tamarama.
Lang Syne, before.
31 Gaerloch Ave, Tamarama.
The hundred-year-old brown brick joint called Lang Syne at Tamarama, since demolished.

That joint was swiftly demolished and, now, readying to grow in its place is a house by the noted architect Luigi Rosselli, Tamarama and its surrounds is crawling with Rosselli’s trademark curved lines, that’ll take three-to-four years to build, cost around ten and make the whole package worth around one hundred mill. 

Do the sums, forty-five for the dirt, ten for the house, maybe a few mill for miscellaneous expenses and that’s one helluva return.

“The topline brief David and Marisa provided was a simple one: design a family home worthy of such a special and breathtaking location,” writes Rosselli. “Something beautiful, and organic, that exists in harmony with its natural surroundings and its occupants. A generational home that gives more than it takes.

Luigi Rosselli design for 31 Gaerloch Ave Tamarama.
Luigi Rosselli design for 31 Gaerloch Ave Tamarama.
Luigi Rosselli design for 31 Gaerloch Ave Tamarama.
Swinging little front yard.
Luigi Rosselli design for 31 Gaerloch Ave Tamarama.
The view from the lil cul de sac where surfers check Maccas.

“The family were seeking a home where they could come together from their scattered locations across the world and get back to the source: a place to be reunited, replenished, and cocooned.

“In the design approach for this new Australian ‘icon’, the goal is to retain the organic beauty of the site, with its wind-carved rocks, through an organic plan with a counterpoint play of eroded horizontal slabs and cocoon shaped vertical breaks, the latter to be constructed with the bricks, slate roof tiles, and sandstone retained from the demolition of the existing home on the site.”

Not everyone around here is thrilled as you might imagine. There was something of that lingering Australian egalitarianism in an ordinary family home being perched on the country’s most valuable beachfront land. I always found it a marvel that you could peer over the rock wall and into the front garden of a modest home where four children used to play. 

A neighbour has subsequently described the plans as an “eyesore” and “horrific. Blight on the landscape. What the actual fuck?”

31 Gaerloch Ave, Tamarama.
Like a sleeping monster from Where the Wild Things Are, the new Rosselli build dominates the headland.

I think it’s possible to be both delighted and repelled by the new design.

The elegance of a Luigi Rosselli home cannot be underestimated and what a thrill it’ll be to watch this hulking Where the Wild Things Are monster in repose take shape on the headland.

Less of a joy will be its new role as a shuttered occasional plaything of the wildly rich, the crown of the clifftop obscured by a mansion enjoyed by very few.