"Let’s assume he gets wildcards to Tahiti and Cloudbreak..."
We, many of us here, have all been pretending that the world’s greatest historical surfer Kelly Slater is done. Goose cooked. Bun firmly in oven. That his retirement announcement after failing to advance at the just-wrapped Margaret River Pro, thereby dropping him below the cut line and off tour, was real twice over. First, in that he wanted to “step back” with baby boy on the way. Second, that he simply could not continue due not being on tour.
Now, last year the World Surf League fixed it by gifting the 11 x champion a special season long wildcard. This year, the “global home of surfing” has not offered a similar golden ticket miffing Slater’s most diehard fans. These Slateries want to see him in a competition singlet come hell or high water and they just might get their sinful wish.
For an eagle-eye’d surf fan has run the numbers and… well here.
Hey Chas,
I was just thinking about the GOAT’s retirement.
Let’s assume he gets wildcards to Tahiti and Cloudbreak. He can definitely win one if not both those if it’s pumping.
Now, according to WSL rules. Ex champions accrue points towards the ranking post cut even if they are wildcards.
If Kelly was to win one and do ok in the other, make 2 semis for example, he would probably have enough points to secure a place for next year right? If he places above the 22nd surfer.
Could we see Kelly rising from the ashes back from retirement in three months?
He now sits with 3990 pints. 1 win and a semi would add 16085 points taking him to 20000. With only 2 more events besides these it would be hard for the bottom surfers to secure more than that.
Interesting.
Interesting is right.
Thoughts?
More as the story develops.
Or, as an alternative, he could just fuck off.
Welcome to the big time baby , KS needing a score to re qualify with 30 seconds on the clock and a set approaching , turn to the booth fluckpalmeter says to joeturdpile “cant script this right”
Wrong yes you can.
Slater is still top 2 in the world at Pipe, Chopes and Cloudbreak. At 50. John John is the only one on tour to match his ability in the barrel.
Wsl should just gift him wildcards to those three events indefinitely.
If he qualifies, and steals somebody’s spot that is 22nd, is that person really going to win a world tour or surf good enough for you to be excited they’re in a heat?
In Coos Bay, English teachers show the school children to use “more as the story develops” as a more socially acceptable manner of saying “as this thing that maybe might occur in the future comes to pass or not, I have endless copy/paste spin-offs lined up now for a good 6 weeks.”
Even the thankless climb to 10,000 posts presents its small shortcuts. Thank you for your service. I look forward to reading this copy/pasted into many future articles as the calendar races to Chopes & Cloudy.
if this were the gong show, it was his friends who gonged him into retirement.
The GOAT, gradually becoming The SHEEP (Surfing’s Hypocritical ‘Expert’ Ex Pro).
I can’t help to ignore the strong sense of deja vu with Kelly retiring; been here and done that. With each passing year, a little less of a goat and more of a cockroach.
or we could forget him, as I did last night during my podcast, as he was yesterdays news, like me at school
I want to see him grovel on the QS until he reaches actual retirement age
then finds out he’s been using a fake social security number all these years and has no savings at 62
That would be fun but I think he’s gonna make the woz start a senior tour for 55yo+
Kelly can script this.
The power play here would be to refuse to give Kelly any wildcards, as he didn’t bother showing up in Portugal, yet was spotted surfing extremely well even though he was supposed to be injured! That way it’s the WSL that’s breaking up with Kelly, not the other way round
The ‘injury’ hooky BS has been going on for years
He milked that broken foot for at least 18 months.
Thoughts? I am short of those but way long on the coopers extra dancing around my insides (and another has just been delivered, bless the servers no matter that I am determinedly agnostic on most things) but yolo (what does yolo mean? NFI, but it has a pleasing sound I think: do you agree? What does it or does it not mean? More intriguing than Grand Designs, perhaps.) Slater would do well to accept the inexorable and deleterious effects of age and stop being a barnacle. Sorry for the excessive parenthesis, but sometimes it’s the only way to express the beauty of the earth and dolphins and shit.
We can only hope. As they say in the Middle East, everything’s more fun with a goat!
When I was in East Timor the Jordanian peace keepers got sent home in disgrace for fucking goats.
Free palstinian goats!!
Where can I pick up my free goat?
Your nearest mosque
war heroes
What’s the point of requalification if he’ll get wildcards at the good spots forever
Sounds like a rule that was written for a champ….by a champ.
a wct contest with “pumping” surf — lol!!